Daily Archives: May 3, 2011

Terrible. And you?

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Feeling like utter crap lately and it’s not hard to figure out why.

The most obvious reason is the fucking election. I won’t go all into it like I did yesterday, but suffice it to say that the prospect of four long years of a Harper majority leaves me filled with dread about Canada’s future as a kind and decent place to live. I am terrified for the future of my beloved nation, as I beleive Harper to truly have bilious contempt for much of what Canadians hold dear about our nation and even those who voted for him in droves will soon come to regret it. He is our enemy and we have made him King.

Another factor in my feeling very bad, mood wise, is the usual spectre of money. Living on $8000 a year just plain sucks, and it’s increasingly clear to me that a lack of funds is a large contributing factor to my depression. It’s not as bad as it could be, but it still leaves me worrying about money all the time and feeling crummy and low and like I can’t truly have any fun or get anywhere in life. Just having to carefully weigh all possible purchases and knowing how much I want that I just plain can’t ever have is a terrible weight on the soul. And it just seems lately like I am always running out of money before the end of the month and I simply cannot live with that kind of financial instability. I need security in order to be happy and I have precious little of it. My lack of finances and my constant worry about it makes me feel small and patghetic and weak and boxed in and bereft.

And I just can’t afford my current sad little lifestyle any more. How depressing is that? My friends and I have a little circuit of three different restaurants that we have dinner out at three times a week, and that, plus my little routine of having some pop and junk food to go with my nightly popcorn habit, has become too damned expensive to maintain lately. My rent has gone up, and I am playing Joe back to the extermination of the bedbugs, and so my tiny window of flexibility has closed and I am squeezed out.

I have been partly bailed out by things like GST cheques lately, but that will end, and what makes it all worse is that I only recently figured out that this is one of those magical, wonderful five week months, where I have to make the same amount of money cover five weeks instead of four.

See, when you’re a worthless drain on society like me, your monthly check is always on the same day, the fourth Wednesday of the month, every month. Sounds fair, right? But such is the nature of the calendar that sometimes, those two fourth Wednesdays are actually five weeks apart instead of four. Fun, hey?

I have no idea how I am going to make it. Well, that’s not true. I have some idea. I just have to summon up the nerve and willpower to either skip one of these three dinners, or go but only have a drink. It will be very hard, because I have a strong urge to do what others are doing and a complementary fear and loathing of sticking out in a group by being the one who says “oh, no thanks!”, and that makes it very hard for me to resist having a meal just like the others, especially when it’s something I want to do as well.

Eating out makes me feel more human and normal and less poor and freaky. It’s probably not the smartest investment of my money, but it really does help. It relieves a key amount of pressure from my tortured cranium and makes me feel less trapped and freakish and miserable. It also, vitally, gives me something to look forward to all the time, and I cannot over-stress how vital that is for maintaining mood.

All this crap has put me in the Bad Place, where I keep thinking about how absolutely pathetic I am, how much my life sucks, and how little I have done with it, and how little I deserve to keep taking up space in the world. I really, really hate myself sometimes, and this is one of those times.

Lately, I just wanna scream and throw myself out a window.

So that’s me. How you doin’?

That Election Sucked

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{WARNING : The following is all about Canadian politics and today’s election. If you are an American, I politely relieve you from all obligations of pretending you care. Go back to celebrating Osama Bin Laden’s death. You have earned it after all these years. }

Well that fucking sucked.

Canada, I am shocked and disappointed with you. I cannot believe that forty percent of the people in this country voted for that smug douche Stephen Harper and his horror cabal of Conservatives. Never before has his total contempt for Canada and democracy been more blatant, and yet, you rewarded him with a majority government. You think he was an insufferable cunt before this election? That’s how he acted when he had a minority government. Now that he has a majority government, that prick will be unstoppable. Only the constant threat of the other parties banding together to kick his ass out has restrained him so far. Now, we are completely stuck with this shithead for the next four years or so, and God knows what he will do to this country in that time.

I was, and am, completely unprepared for this. Somehow, amidst all this talk about the “Orange Tide”[1] of NDP support sweeping the nation, it had never occurred to me, even in my darkest moments, that Harper would get the unfettered majority that he has craved for so long. I really thought that the worst case scenario that we faced was him retaining a minority and shaking his fist in impotent rage at all the puny mortals who keep blocking his plans to turn Canada into the USA. Somehow, the thought that he would get the majority and be able to ruin this nation with glee and without restraint was simply far too horrible to even accept into my consciousness.

It was unthinkable. And now, it’s happened.

Turns out, that “Orange Tide” of NDP support was just the perfect thing for Stephen Harper to surf to his majority government. All this upsurge on the left must have scared the old people something fierce (after all, we on the left do things like protect their pensions, commies that we are) and so they showed up in droves to put their guy into this cozy majority position and keep us all from going to the Kaiser.

A fellow could really get to hate old people some days. I know this is a petty and unworthy thought, but sometimes I think there should be some sort of mental competency test for voting. If you sincerely beleive three things which are clearly and demonstrably and objectively provable as false, you don’t get to vote. Or maybe we take your vote as a special Senior’s Voting Station, then just don’t count their votes. Let them think they voted. It will make them happy without ruining the country. Everybody wins!

I know, I know. That’s evil. I’m not saying it is a good idea. It’s just the dark thoughts of an angry lefty.

I am in such a dark mood, not even this happening to me could cheer me up.

Right now, Canada’s only hope of avoiding a gruesome fate lies in the unpleasant subject of voter fraud.

Normally, that’s not the sort of thing I would even be thinking about. After all, nobody likes a sore loser and it’s not like Harper just barely squeaked in.

But the man’s campaign manager has five convictions for election fraud, everyone knows how badly he wanted a majority and how little respect he has for democracy and Canada, and now with these reports of “somebody” in key swing ridings calling people up and falsely and fraudulently telling them their polling station had been changed to one an hour away has got to make people suspicious.

My fear is that the one person in the best position to really press an investigation into these matters, Jack Layton, will be so completely flushed with his “victory” in giving Canada its first-ever NDP-led Official Opposition that he will completely hand-wave away all these reports and miss the critical window when eople might be open to revisiting the results of this election, and then we will be stuck with fraudulent results.

Having the NDP surge into more power than they have ever had before, only to have it be completely meaningless because the Forces of Evil hold a majority and don’t even have to listen to anyone any more… that is cruel even for you, Universe.

Fuck you, Stephen Harper. I hope you choke and die.

Footnotes    (↵ returns to text)

  1. Gets your clothes clean with the power of citrus!↵