Good evening, good morning, good afternoon, and good eclipse to you all. I am Monsignor Chatterton Ouiseberg Debumsex the Third, owner, operator, curator, and custodian to this, the first and only Fooblestein Gallery of Art, Sculpture, and Ten Minute Lube Jobs. This highly esteemed and respectable institution has been endowed (quite well endowed) with the solemn and sacred duty of collecting and presenting for you, the adoring underwashed public, all that is fine and good in realm of the visual art, especially if it’s really, really dirty.

After all, our patrons expect a certain level of stimulation on one level or another.

Our first pair of exhibits will certainly stimulate your sense of amused horror, as it features two pictures from the distant past that will surely haunt your nightmares and make you truly grateful for all the advances in costumery that have have been made since the terrible days when these pictures were taken.

Thrill to the horror!

Kind of suggests some kind of horrifying alternate history where the entirety of World War I was sponsored by Disney and what we are seeing here is actually the world’s most surreal and horrifying gas mask drill. Sure, you look like the members of some Disney fixated version of The Klan, but this is your only hope of surviving an attack of deadly Woodpecker Gas from the forces of Walter Lantz.

OK, that last bit is probably just me.

Of course, you do not start life as a much-feared Donald Stormtrooper. Future Disney warrior start out small, as Mickey Commandos.

Here they are being cheerfully indoctrinated in the Disney Code of Behaviour, and learning the importance of peace, love, obedience, cooperation, and the willingness to kill when the forces of evil strike.

So I have a really sick mind. It’s what got me this job!

Moving on to our next exhibit, what we have here is a nearly perfect example of the art of the verbal zap, reproduced in IRC text for our reading pleasure.

You will have to excuse me, as I am fairly certain I will become extremely unprofessional after showing you this stellar exhibit.

Awww HELL yeah! Feel that, you stupid bitch? That’s called a deep tissue burn! That’s called an orbital level slam! You got owned like tsunamis own the coastlines of Pacific nations! And oh, it’s just starting…. a sweet cut like that is the sort of thing your whole school will be talking about for days and days, and people will be looking at you and laughing for no apparent reason, and when you ask them why, they will just say “Oh, nothing…. ” and laugh even more.

Let that be a lesson to you : mock not the nerd, for we are all wizards and the ways of wizards are beyond your feeble understanding. Know only that we can hurt you in ways you cannot even comprehend, and you should show us the respect due to all human beings and seek not to put us down for being good at school.

Ahem. So, back to the exhibit.

Sometimes it is not the picture alone that makes it art, but instead, the perfect union of image and caption that creates something far larger than the sum of its parts.

As in this image :

Hilarious, for sure. Any party where you end up walking through flaming wreckage wearing nothing but a motorcycle helmet and a jock strap has got to rate as “epic” at the very least. That is some seriously hardcore lifestylin’ there, dude.

But the real question burning (sic) in everyone’s mind is : what the hell is the real story behind this picture? Sense. This makes none!

Like… did someone say “Hey, look, that building over there is burning down. Hey Lars! Dare you to walk through it in nothing but your jockstrap!”

And Lars replied “Hokay, but I get to wear my helmet too!”

“OK, you go get your helmet, and I will get my camera, and then it’s on, bitch!”

I am not sure why I immediately imagined these people as being German, but hey, we do not know for sure that they aren’t, right?

Well, that’s it for this week’s exhibition. I sincerely hope you all appreciate the degree to which I have made you more cultured, more sophisticated, and above all, just that tad more presentable.

Come back next week, where we will be exploring the controversial and provocative revelation that Ansel Adams did a lot of erotic photography under the pseudonym “Big Bad Wolf XXX”.

Yup, it’s back! I had so much fun rattling on about the new music I had found last week that I decided to do it again this week.

Not that I plan on making a “thing” of this, like the Science Roundup or Foobles, it’s just that I have such enthusiasm for the music that one edition of the Grooveshark roundup was simply not enough to contain it!

So if music be the food of love, or love be the eater of music, or music be just plain fun cool and awesome, let us play on. What’s up this week?

Turns out, I have been doing a lot of exploring various artist’ works, and finding new fresh gems that way. Here is some examples.

Funkhauser by Hard and Phirm. I discovered this little comedic (and musical) gem when exploring the works of Hard and Phirm, a comedy group primarily known (if at all) for their absolutely mesmerizing song about Pi that makes the rounds amongst us nerds now and then. Turns out, they are pretty damn good, as evidenced by the hilarious and brilliant song I have linked to here. Taking the old saw of the song where the singer calls in each instrument and taking it to such delightfully absurd extremes is sheer genius. That is the kind of comedy writing that I really enjoy, original and fresh and funny as hell. They deserve an award just for the phrase “Take a dead rat… and throw it at a bus. ” Also check out the magnificently nerdy Carbon Cycle and of course their Pi Song as well.

Jack Sparrow by The Lonely Island. For those who don’t know, The Lonely Island is the name of the band made up of SNL players that produced such hits as Dick In A Box, Mother Lover, and Threw It On The Ground. I decided to check out more fo their stuff, and found this hilarious song. Never thought I would hear Michael Bolton swear, but even more so, I never thought I would hear him threadjack an entire song. I am also very fond of this marvelously disturbed high production number Great Day , and the satirical look at youthful pretension and geriatric orgies that is known merely as Boombox .

Teeth by Lady Gaga. Inspired by my recent passionate love affair with her epic awesome smash hit tribute to self-acceptance and diversity Born This Way, I decided to check out more of Lady Gaga’s work, and most of it was not really to my taste. Pretty much just fairly average electronic dance numbers. But this kinky little number immediately leapt out at me. Now that is something different. I love that stripped down nasty primal beat and while I have never considered myself particularly kinky (perverted as hell, yes, but not kinky), I have to admit, I find the song pretty damn hot. So if one song was going to break from the back and get my attention, it was going to be this one. Icy cool, Mother Monster.

Demons by Fatboy Slim. WARNING GENRE BIGOTS : This song takes the music form of a soul/spiritual fusion type song. This might remind some people uncomfortably of religion, but the song is not really religious, or at least, it’s thoroughly nondenominational. Myself, I love it, but if you don’t, you can check out a few more of my faves from Fatboy Slim’s amazing oeuvre, like Punk to Funk (very old-school synth and experimental) or their original smash hit The Rockafeller Skank, which you might well know as “that song where he goes ‘right about now, funk soul brother, check it out now, funk soul brother’ a million times. ” Personally (back to Demons), I am a big fan of the sort of feel-good non-religous spirituality it represents. The world desperately needs to rescue the inspiration from religion, and learn to feel good without having to obey anyone or believe nonsense. This is how we move on, folks!

I Need A Doctor by Eminem. Surprise! I am ending with Eminem again. I checked out more tracks from this latest album of his, and he continues to blow my mind away with just how real he can make it. Every time I listen to this song, it draws me into the raw emotion it expresses. I had no idea Dre and Eminem had drifted apart. And the stuff he talks about in Changes and 25 to Life is just as rugged, raw, and real. Fuck all that gangsta bullshit, it’s all just fucked up fantasy, give me more of life lived hard.

That’s all for this week. More later? Maybe.