I think I am adjusting to the new way my brain works.

This freshly reintegrated brain of mine is taking some getting used to. Everything is so much denser and richer now. Emotions are stronger, intuition is deeper, thoughts move in strange new ways.

It’s like a whole new brain in here.

Take memory. On the one hand, remembering things takes more effort than before. It often feels like I have t drag the memory out of thick mud. No surprise for a 40 year old man in imperfect health, but still kinda depressing. My quick and capacious memory was the main thing that made school so easy for me.

I just remembered what I was taught.

On the other hand, I have been remembering things BETTER than before. I have never had the sort of encyclic memory that remembers a lot of names and dates and such. My roomies Joe and Felicity do, and I am always amazed and pleased by how much information they can summon at a moment’s notice. We will be watching some obscure video and they will see an actor’s name and instantly remember all their other roles like they were the IMDB.==

To me, that’s like a magic trick. It’s all I can do not to clap.

But lately, I seem to be growing a facility like theirs, in miniature. I am increasingly able to correlate my memories like that. I remembered where I knew Richard Benjamin from (short lived sci fi comedy Quark) just from seeing him in an episode of Mad About You a few days ago.

Who knows, maybe i can learn history properly now. Or even geography!

So while remembering is harder, the results are better. Makes sense. The better process just takes more effort than the previous one with the big blind spots.

As to my tendency to zone out at literally any possible moment, I am adjusting to that as well. The secret is not to fight the inward current directly, for only a fool fights the incoming tide. Instead, you have to dance with it, letting it push you in then pushing back out when it ebbs.

I am sure you have all been through the exact same thing.

So I am learning to dance to a brand new beat now. But I am not too worried. The beat has changed, but the song remains the same.

And i am determined to find my happiness, even if I have to knock down the doors of Heaven to do it.

I’d rather it didn’t come to that, but still.