My Netflix life

Today, I will talk about the stuff I have seen on Netflix recently. (See, my life does have content!)

First, the Life of Pi. I am around half way through the movie now, and it is not hard to see why it got all the love when it came out. It has absolutely gorgeous cinematography. Everything in it looks beautiful, moves beautifully, and seems realer than real in that way the dreams can.

Plus, India. It is no secret that we in the West are fascinated and pleased by India. It is a billion people living a life that is both shockingly familiar (because of the British influence) and enchantingly exotic (because India. )

And in our innocently ignorant minds, India seems like the perfect place for the sort of dream-state story that Life of Pi seeks to tell. Like I said, like a religious vision brought on by frontal lobe epilepsy, everything seems realer than reality, and that lends a great deal of storytelling oomph to the movie.

I am not, however, a visual person, so while everything is beautiful and impressive (or in the case of the shipwreck, incomprehensible and impressive), I feel like the visuals are just a shimmering veil of illusion and what matters in a movie is what is going on behind the curtain, namely the actual story.

And I can’t shake the feeling that the part of the movie in India is somehow India For White People, the India of our collective dreams, instead of the real one. A cleaned up, scrubbed down, movie set sort of India. And for some reason, that sort of bothers me.

I mean, it’s not like I feel I need to see dung heaps and garbage piles and children running naked and starving in the streets in order to believe I am seeing the real India. That would be quite racist of me, to be honest, or at least wrongheaded.

I guess my own fascination with India leads me to want to see the real India, the good and the bad, side by side. A full, rich, detailed view, and not just one vision or another.

Another movie I watched recently is a silly little kid’s movie called Good Boy.

It is the story of a boy who accidentally learns that all dogs are the descendants of a race of aliens who were sent here a thousand years ago to conquer the Earth, but obviously got a wee bit distracted along the way. In the course of this revelation, the boy also learns to understand dog language, which conveniently turns the five dogs he regularly walks into a demographically diverse group of wacky friends.

The story kind of meanders a bit, and as this is a kid’s movie the humour is not what you would call sophisticated, but the movie was surprisingly painless to watch. Perhaps I am simply mellowing with age, but I had no problem just accepting it as a silly little slice of Spielberg-esque froth and going with the flow.

It is a fun little flick as long as you are not exactly expecting cinema at its very best. The premise is goofy good fun (it’s what got me to watch the thing in the first place… dogs are from outer space? OK, gotta give this a look) and the movie is quite well made.

And for us SNL fans, there is a pleasant frisson to be gained by seeing the protagonist’s parents being played by Molly Shannon and Kevin Nealon, two ex SNL alums who were, as far as I know, part of the same cast.

There is an intriguing subplot about how the protagonist’s parents are always renovating and then selling their homes, so the poor boy never gets to live in the same house for all that long. I thought that made an interesting little side comment about renovation madness and its effects on today’s kids.

Still, because this takes place in Spielbergia, where it is always sort of kind of really the 1950’s, there is a surprising lack of video games, cell phones, and even minivans in the movie.

Okay, I have saved the best for last. The thing that truly blew me away on Netflix was the Bo Burnham special, “what.”

First off, I am so glad that Bo made the transition from Internet hit to real world star. Some of his later Internet videos gave me the feeling that he was not handling the sudden success and pressure well, and I was worried that he would just burn out early and go hide in his introvert cave forever.

But no, he recorded a special last year, and it blew my socks not just off but onto an entirely different continent, because it is the most dense, innovative, fast-flowing, utterly genius thing I have ever seen.

He uses music, performance, wit, and a real flair for theater to create a show that has more comedy in its sixty minutes than in a dozen seasons of SNL. He was obviously determined to make a show with absolutely no dead spots, no filler, no chance for the ball to drop.

As such, watching it is a delightful but kind of exhausting experience. You can’t take your attention from it for a second without missing something. It actually made me feel like my mind was a little flabby and out of shape, and brother, that is not easy to do to a mind jock like me.

I must say, as a comedy geek, I am absolutely thrilled by it. Clearly the young people of today are just as determined to move comedy forward as I would want them to be, and I feel the future of comedy is safe in their hands.

And mine too, of course, but I am a little too old for something THAT strenuous. I mean, Bo does all these things in the show that require a huge performance effort AND a lot of precise timing. I can’t imagine doing that myself.

A little part of me worries that comedy will eventually get too dense and fast for even me, Mister Comedy himself. That would make me pretty sad.

But hey, nothing says I can’t write high density comedy.

I just can’t perform it!

Lions and dogs

So far, Operation Have A Big Ego is working out okay.

Of course, deciding to do it and doing it are two different things. Like everything else, this will be a process. I have a hell of a lot of unlearning to do, and a hell of a lot of new trail to break in this mind of mine.

But the decision to go this route really crystallized when I was explaining it to my therapist yesterday. (Funny how I often figure things out while talking about them. I guess that is what therapy is for, really.)

I told him that I can’t go the sane, logical, restrained middle route. The one where you have a reasonable ego and believe in yourself in the proper, quiet, make sure you’re not a burden on others with your negative crap way. I am increasingly cognizant of the fact that I am a passionate, emotional person, and far from being a weakness, that is the source of my greatest strength and my greatest power.

My enormous crystalline intellect has strength, but no power. It’s fine tools with no hands to use them, it’s a fine automobile with no fuel to fuel it.

The power for my Great Machine can only come from passion unleashed and feelings deeply felt. I want to feel more, do more, care more, and be more.

Abd so I can’t stay in a tidy little ego box any more. I realized that I have been harshly restraining my belief in myself for most of my life out of fear of the manic madness of egomania, and fear of taking responsibility for my inherent power.

I have long wondered why it was so hard for me to truly integrate my observable good qualities into my self-image… why the fact that I have some extraordinary good qualities never seemed to help with my self-esteem.

I see now that I was afraid to face the truth of it. My power scared me and made me feel like I was losing my grip on reality because, despite my intellect, I am a product of middle class society and as such I have no framework, no model for how to deal with the fact that you are extraordinary.

And my mind kept up the illusion by producing an impressive feeling of manic madness whenever I contemplated my strong points. Thought like “I am a god amongst men!” were produced in convincing qualities in order to scare me off of thinking about my strengths. As bad as it is to be depressed, that kind of insanity is utterly terrifying to me.

That is the sort of thing that could cause me to finally lose grip on my connection to reality. Or so I thought.

But now I realize that those thoughts come from the vast temperature difference in my mind, the big insulated wall between my dominant cold intellect and gigajules of latent emotional energy. Of course when you stop holding the ego down, it will immediately leap to the opposite end of the scale… the equal and opposite madness.

But that doesn’t mean it will stay there. In fact, as long as the two sides continue to intermingle freely, the two sides will eventually reach a happy, sane medium once the oscillations die down.

I am beginning to realize that fear of going crazy has been keeping me crazy. A lot of the things that I feared would “finally put me over the edge” are actually things that would be quite good for me in the long run, and the fear of losing my grip has actually been keeping the healing powers of emotional integration do their job.

My emotions can’t destroy me. My emotions are me. The springtime flood from winter’s thaw can’t destroy me, because I am the water as much as I am the banks of the river.

Gee I’m deep.

And as I was explaining to my therapist, I think the only way to thaw myself out inside is with the opposite of depression, elation. Pleasure. Happiness. And I have a great source for strength and belief in myself : I am one amazing dude.

A lot of people would hand me their left eye just to have my wit, or my intellect, or my warmth, or my depth of thought. When you really think about it, it is pretty amazing that anyone can have all of those at the same time.

So what if I am not good at physical, practical things? Compared to my strengths, that is half a pittance and a handful of small change. Lots of famous, important people were clueless klutzes.

And it is by embracing these truths about myself and allowing my ego to rise that I will find the strength and power to not only push back at my depression, but push it over.

And I realize that it is far from politically correct to believe in yourself. We are all supposed to keep our heads down and never ever truly believe in ourselves, and if we do, we are never ever to admit it, for fear of making someone feel bad.

But I think people should feel free to have all the ego they think they can get away with, as long as they are not using that ego to put others down. Belief in yourself can make you a powerfully positive person with abundant energy to share with the world and make others feel better, not worse.

And sure, there is always envy and jealousy and spite. There will be people who will hate you simply because you are obviously quite happy with yourself and are fully aware of your good points, even if you are as good as gold or better and never ever deny anyone else their greatness.

Well to hell with such petty, small, cold little creatures. They are Nietzsche’s fleas of the market, and fear of fleas never keeps the lions of the world from doing as they please.

I am going to follow this ego thing wherever it goes. That does not mean I am going to totally take the brakes off and give myself unlimited license to be an arrogant and dismissive prick. The sweet, kind Fruvous you have known will remain. I am paying very close attention to this process in order to make sure that is true.

But the process will continue, no matter what.