I have talked before about how my social anxiety manifests itself in ways that are atypical of the usual pathology.

Well today, Cracked.com published this article that seems designed to prove my point.

You see, the article is all about situations that drive the socially anxious (or, to use Cracked’s excellent term, “awkward”) crazy and make our lives scary and Hades like.

And I don’t identify with a single one of them. As is typical of me, I am atypical, and let me tell you, it can be really frustrating to realize that you are not even like the other crazy people.

It is a particular vexation of mind because time and time again, it has meant that the medical establishment has thrown its hands in the air over me and said “We have no idea. So, piss off, would you?”

Gee, sorry my illness doesn’t fit your fucking flowchart, but I am still here, still sick, and it is still your job to bloody well fix me. But they would rather I just left their office and came back only when I had something diagnosable.

Too weird for medical science. That’s me. Isn’t it great to be so darned unique all the time?

Anyhow, I thought I would go through the article and, as it were, put myself in the situations, and see how I react.

#5. Public Transportation

According to the article, other awkward people find mass transit travel extremely stressful because it forces them into proximity with a lot of people of highly variant hygiene levels and having to be close to those people makes them very anxious.

This does not strike me as a social anxiety issue, more like a neurotic fear of contamination issue. Granted, being near someone who smells like they sweat fish oil is no fun and nobody likes people who smell like a toilet, but to me, social anxiety is entirely focused on the reactions of others, or at least, what I imagine them to be. When my social anxiety levels are high, I am way too worried about the judgments others (I imagine) are making of me to even imagine judging them.

Perhaps that has something to do with my extremely low self-esteem. I feel like I am always the worst thing around.

So no, public transportation does not bother me. As long as I am seated, I am happy. I actually find being in a moving vehicle somewhat soothing. This is especially true of the Skytrain, where there can be lovely long periods of going more or less in a straight line without stopping, and you can watch the GVRD slide past out the window.

The bus is not as pleasant, as it stops a lot and its turns around corners can be a tad jarring. But still, as long as I have a seat, I am content to wait for my stop.

The exception, of course, is when it is jam packed in there and I feel like I can’t move. Then my anxiety goes through the roof, but it’s not social anxiety, it’s claustrophobia.

The other exception is when a stranger tries to strike up a conversation with me. Then my cloak of anonymity is shattered, and I feel very socially exposed.

#4. The Unexpectedly Angry Boss

I can totally see how having your boss suddenly drop in on you and start dishing out the verbal pain could be very shattering for some people, especially the especially timid or shy. A lot of people just cannot deal with anger expressed toward them, especially if it’s very aggressive, and so I assume they just kind of shut down and are traumatized.

But I grew up dealing with my Dad, and anger does not frighten me. I am perfectly capable of locking horns with an angry person and matching their aggression level without escalating the situation. Their wrecking ball hits my brick wall, and my brick wall is made of my intellect and my stubbornness, and it’s damned near indestructible.

The one variable is that I might lose my cool and it might turn into a no holds barred screaming match. If I was sufficiently caught off guard, I might not remember to stay in control and counter their heat with my cold. It might turn into a flamethrower duel, and nobody comes out of those looking pretty.

But socially anxious? Hell no.

#3. The Presentation

I can certainly see how a lot of awkward people would find having to give a presentation a total nightmare. People who want to blend into the wallpaper would find being singled out for attention like that simply horrible.

But I am not like that. I am that peculiar person who is shy off stage and perfectly confident on stage. I have given lots of presentations in school and they always come off quite well. I am very good (sometimes too good) at sounding like I know what I am talking about, I have shall we say stage presence, and honestly, I would be happy to do a presentation in a business environment. It’s something I would enjoy.

#2. The Bank

I know banks rattle a lot of people. Everyone in them seems so smooth and efficient and competent and in control. For some people, that makes the bank an intimidating place and that puts them on edge, to say the least.

But again, not me. Banks don’t bother me much, and that is knowing that they are not happy at all to see me because I don’t come across as “prosperous” so much as “homeless”. If I am in a bank, it is because I have a transaction to complete, and I have no problem dealing with people on that level. I am not afraid of numbers, I understand money, and I know that I am just as clever and competent in this field as the people behind the glass.

And finally, we have :

#1. The Love

I can’t speak to this because I have never been in love. I imagine that it would unlock all kinds of emotional reactions in me, from the warm and fuzzy to the dark and crazy, but if I am in love with someone, it means I have already decided they are “safe” and so I can’t imagine social anxiety entering the picture.

And I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.