Monday really do suck.

Or at least they do for me. Today was one jolly rotten day for me and in the midst of all the sleep, depression, and feeling like last week’s crap, I realized that this has become a pattern for me.

My worst days are Mondays. And I don’t even have a job!

It must have something to do with what I get up to on Sundays. Sunday is totally my favorite day of the week because that’s the day when I got out to dinner with friends and then we all come back to apartment to watch videos.

And for me, that’s a very active day, especially since we often end up watching videos until 3 or even 4 in the morning. So I am up, active, and alert for seven to eight hours straight, and compared to the rest of my sessile life, that’s a lot. ^[1]

So I end up all super tired on Monday, and I sleep all day, and the oxygen deprivation of sleep apnea builds up in my system, and I sweat a lot so I end up dehydrated, and my blood sugar drops, and so I end up feeling really lousy for most of the day.

Totally worth it.

My dreams were dense and bizarrely non-dramatic. I don’t remember much. I know at one point, I was looking for a guy named Danny in a weird place that seemed to be a combination apartment complex and office building, where people’s offices were their apartments and vice versa.

I suppose that could work. If people were allowed to do whatever they wanted with their offices, and given a fairly generous budget for furniture and renovations, I could see this happening a little on its own. People would still go home at the end of the day most of the time, but I bet their offices would be pretty apartment-like.

I wonder if it would be a good idea, though. If they went full apartment. In a sense, people would always be working from home. But in another sense, they would never truly leave work. It’s the same sort of thing that people who jumped at the chance to work from home have to deal with. Work and home need to be separate for most people. They require such radically different social and intellectual modes that physical separation is required to make the proper mode very clear.

I bet if you were to ask people if they would like to work from home, they would say yes, of course. After all, home is where you are relaxed and comfortable and feel safe.

But if you asked them if they would like to live at work, they would say “Oh God, no!”.

And yet, they are the same thing.

Hmmm. Maybe it would work if the apartments and offices were in the same building, but not the same room. Just think, your entire commute could be done in the elevator! And imagine what a huge perk it would be for most people to not only skip the commute but the rent as well.

The business they work for could either just let their workers stay for free or let the stay for cost. The for-cost option would be revenue neutral and thus easier to get past the pointy headed numbers people, but letting your employees stay rent free would have the power of being able to say “No rent. No commute. ”

Who knows, it might catch on.

Anyhow, I was looking for some guy named Danny in the Office/Apartment Building. I checked a bunch of places before it dawned on me that Danny might not actually be around.

And for some reason, this made me very happy and excited. For reasons the dream never bothered to explain, Danny not being around gave me a feeling of giddy freedom, like it meant the cat was away and now I could play.

It’s not a feeling I am terrible familiar with in the real world. I have never known the heavy hand of oppressive authority, and so I don’t know how good it feels to suddenly no longer be under it. Nobody has tried to control me at all since I was in third grade or so.

And that makes me wonder. I have been pondering what exactly the effect of my being so stubborn and willful has had on my life. I have mentioned before how it took someone with a strong personality to make me a happy kid. First it was my babysitter Betty, and then later, in grade 5, it was Mrs Rogers.

In a sense, I had to be dominated. And that ain’t easy.

And the thing is, I think I project this indomitablity without knowing it. People have told me in the past that I project a certainty about what I way that makes it sound like it is impossible to doubt me, and I mostly just brushed it off.

After all, of course I am certain that what I say is true. If I didn’t think it was true, it wouldn’t by my opinion, would it?

But I am old enough know to see that it is not that simple. I can easily see how dealing with someone like me might make some people nervous or upset. There is a certain amount of social restraint required in order to deal with one another as equals, and so no matter how certain I am, I have to restrain it a little to give other people room to think.

But I have known that for decades. My concern is that it goes deeper than that.

I worry that I come across as unreasonable. Not in the literal sense… I considerable reasonableness to be one of my mutant powers, in fact.

But in the sense that I give off the impression that there is no point trying to deal with me because it will just end up being a huge effort and you probably won’t get what you want from me anyhow.

Willful, smart, and stubborn, and really freaking smart too.

No wonder people didn’t want to deal with me when I was a kid,

I was a lot to deal with.

I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.