After all, it’s easy, and it’s fun!

Now, check this shit out : Rex Tillerson, ex-chairman of Exxon and soap opera doctor, has lied under oath at his confirmation hearings.

He said Exxon never lobbied against sanctions against Russia for that whole “stealing a piece of a neighbor’s land called Crimea” thing. But Exxon did do that. They did it a lot. It was a lie so blatant that even the Republican running the hearings couldn’t take it.

See, this is what happens when the alternate reality you live in because you are too stupid for the real one involves actual events with real people who can remember stuff. It doesn’t matter what side you are on, your narcissistic reality warping powers end when you include people who are not part of your delusion.

That’s why these toddlers in expensive suits will continue to trip over their own dicks when forced to leave their bubble. Like a toddler, they will blatantly lie to you right to your face because they are too stupid and/or cowardly to understand that they won’t get away with it and should just tell the truth,.

Nope. Truth = mama spank, ergo lie.

And this is what gives me hope about the Trump presidency. Every one of his personal picks is a dingbat and a loser. Like all dictators, he values loyalty over competence, and of course the people most likely to give a narcissist the kind of mindless devotion they crave are people too stupid to think past “I like nice man who gave me big job!”.

What all this adds up to is an incompetent government. And luckily for us, incompetent people are not particularly effective. So a lot of what these bozos try will simply fail because they don’t gave the patience or focus to get things done.

Of course, incompetent leadership can do a lot of damage, so we are by no means out of the woods yet. Some of what they try will get done, and it’s our job to call them out on it and give them maximal resistance every single time.

Then, there’s the Tyke In Chief, little Donnie Trumpington. I am still holding out hope that he will have a total meltdown on live TV when it comes time to actually become President. I honestly can’t imagine him lasting one day in that job.

He’s going to have to spend so much of his time doing things he doesn’t want to do,, and that is very tough and painful for a toddler his age. It;s bound to make him cranky and hard to deal with. And I think he is going to be in fpr a shock when he realizes that there is a lot more work that he can’t fob off to Mike Pence.

And wait till this hairtrigger temper tantrum has to deal with a hostile audience. That recent press conference confirmed that. I imagine he will not give very many press conferences in the future. But people can shout him down or yell from the sidelines and force the truth on him that way.

So I honestly can’t imagine him lasting long. He won’t be able to live his life in a safe little rich guy bubble any more, where everyone he deals with works for him and serves his ego. He’s going to be in charge whether he likes it or not.

He might just flip the fuck out, like, permanently.

That would invoke the “incapacity” clause of the Constitution, where the Vice President can become acting President if the President is dead or “incapacitated”. And then we would have to deal with President Pence.

Thing is, I can’t see him being up to the task either. Like I have said before, he strikes me as someone with a great deal of anger, like the classic angry controlling father. That’s not the right kind of personality for public office, let alone the Presidency.

And make no mistake : being President is nothing like being governor of some jerkwater red state. A lot more will be demanded of you, and you will not have a ready-made red state audience of sycophantic Tea Partiers ready to sit up and beg at a moment’s notice because he is strong and makes them feel safe.

And then there’s this new Congress, who have already learned that they can’t get away with any kind of shady bullshit any more. Everyone is watching for it. Clearly, even their own constituencies are wary of them, especially since they tried to gut the ethics office.

I hope like hell that they find everything those pricks were trying to hide.

Right now, I am really curious about this pressing issue : will Trump stop tweeting when he is President? Normally, even the most callow and craven of politicians would not even consider that an open question. They would have too much awe for the office to continue to tweet when they were POTUS.

But little Donnie is one spoiled kid. I am not sure anybody will be able to take his smartphone away from him. Which means he will continue to share his brilliant brainstorms with the world.

This could lead to a whole mess of complications, at least at first. International incidents, massive stock market shifts, you name it. Not good.

But I honestly think that it won’t take long before people simply stop listening. I picture it as being a policy of containment. The international community will simply stop dealing with him or taking what he says seriously. There will be a lot of people around him with many different job titles, but they will all have the same job : keep little Donnie distracted and amused so the grownups can talk and get things done.

Essentially, power will be rerouted away from the executive branch.

I know. One of his aides should delete his Twitter account. Then when he finds out, blame it on Russian hackers.

That would certainly put the cat among the pigeons!

I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.

Le sigh. Ah, me. It is one catastrophe to the next with this one, non?

My film group is shooting today. I am not there. I didn’t go. Because I was mad at them. And that was, so stupid.

Granted. I was mad at them because they had told me outright that they neither wanted or needed me there. This was during one of my recent smelly periods, so it’s not hard to imagine why. But it still hurt me and confirmed my suspicion that I had been frozen out of the group from the very beginning and that nobody gave a fuck what I said or did, and really wished I would just go.

Now I have thought this before about people who would categorically disagree on all fronts and had evidence to back up their claims. It’s a part of my depression. My mind interprets the lack of positive emphatic input that my consciousness experiences as a total lack of caring on the behalf of others. I have spent a lot of time in that mode and it’s not fun.

But usually,. the real cause is not the lack of input, it’s the insensitivity of the instrument. Plenty of people are out there, outside the Wall, caring about me and most definitely wanting me around, but none of it is getting through.

Not in this case, though. They literally told me there was no need for me to even show up. So all I technically refused to do was order pizza for them. I figured they could figure that shit out themselves.

This was a dumb, dumb, DUMB move. Now there are four future writers who will think of me as “difficult”, and that’s like the worst thing you cam be in show biz. I am going to have to work really hard to get back on their good side or my career might be sunk.

And while they did, indeed, say those hurtful things about not wanting or needing me around, I never argued my case or stood up for myself in any way. I never told them how bad I felt about being frozen out of everything or how much being told not to show up hurt me. I never turned on the charm to get them to want me there on shooting day.

I just passively accepted what they said, and then threw a fit and refused to do the one thing they left me, and now I feel like a total idiot.

I should have just showed up anyway. I had a chance to be there while a (short) movie was shot, and I blew it. I could have learned so much and had so much fun,.

But no, I got all pissy when I hadn’t even told people I was upset, and now I am the dumbest student at VFS.

Oh well. At least my writing is funny. Everyone agrees on that. I have the knack for writing comedy, and surely some day someone will be willing to pay me to bring the big laughs that bring the big bucks.

And I will get over it. So I fucked up. Nothing I can do about that now. All I can do is move on and try not to make the same mistake again. Try to remember that no matter how I feel, I need to be Mister Helpful And Cheerful if I want people to want to work with me.

And, you know, that it’s not fair or right for the first time people know you are upset is when you leave. People are not psychic, they can’t know what I do not express.

It took me a surprisingly long time to figure that out. I spent a lot of time hating and resenting people for not caring about me when they were supposed to, but the truth is that I was very, very good at hiding my pain and so I can’t go around blaming people for not seeing something I was an expert at hiding.

How could anyone have known that deep within a frozen snowbank in my heart lies the little boy who found his life so unbearable that at the age of 8, he willed himself to die.

Thank goodness that doesn’t work.

I think I was also hoping someone would see me and want to rescue me. I was that desperate for nurturing. But presumably, all the world saw was a fat kid lying in a snowbank. Weird, maybe, but certainly no emergency.

I feel like this conflict between needing nurturing and being unable to express it has had me in its grip for a very long time. I still desperately need it, too, but adults get a lot less of it than kids do.

And I don’t know how to erase that deficit. I don’t know how one gets that kind of nurturing outside of a hospital. That’s why Munchausen’s Syndrome always made perfect sense to me. A hospital is someplace where a bunch of people look after you, care about you., treat you like you are important, and all without you having to do a thing to earn it.

To a certain kind of broken person, that is very appealing.

People like me. That is why I am very afraid of ending up in the psych warn of a hospital. I would never have the willpower to leave. The transition from a sanctuary where I am taken care of to the real world where I will be expected to cope and be a normal member of society with a job, bills, rent, and all that jazz would be far too harsh. Better to stay out of that trap. If I am seriously ill, I will go to the hospital.  Even if it’s purely mental.

But the moment I go, I will be anxious to get out. Because I know the clock will be ticking on my will to leave.

And if I disappear down that particular rabbit hole, I will never come back.

I willtalk to you nice people again tomorrow.