Sorry that’s a long-winded live version of the song, but it’s the only version on YouTube.

I am seriously sick and tired of the cold weather. It’s true that if a younger me living on Prince Edward Island heard me bitching about how cold it is when it’s only -4C, he would have found it hilariously adorable, like a kid complaining about being tired when they had only walked half a block.

But I don’t care. I’m old now, and fully acclimatized to the Wet Coast’s climate, and the cold air really hurts my lungs. And that makes walking to and from school a miserable experience for me.  Especially when it’s 8 am and cold AF. The two blocks to the Skytrain have never seemed longer, even when in the hottest days of the summer.

Boy could I do with a few days of summer right about now.

At least the snow is gone. Well, mostly gone. Early spring gone. There’s still mounds of dirty disgusting snow in parking lots from when they were plowed.

Spread that shit out, people! Then it will melt! And do it in the afternoon, when it’s the warmest it’s gonna be that day. But don’t leave it too late, or you will risk having the melt refreeze into black ice, turning your parking lot into an ice rink and nobody wants that.

Aren’t I full of practical advice today.

All this coldness has made me feel cranky. I have a strong urge to speak my mind and let the bad words out. And I am sure that would feel wonderful…. for a few minutes.

Then I would be crippled by guilt and feel terrible.

SO not worth it.

I keep toying the idea of finding worthy targets when I feel like this. Find some right wingers on a message board somewhere and really let them have it. Vent my spleen about the recent rise of stupidism and all the utterly despicable things being gleefully said by people who suppose themselves the moral guardians of the world.

It still shocks me sometimes to see people – some of them of a highly venerable age – behaving like spoiled brats without any sense that there is any line to defend. Trump and his Trumpeters are the absolute negation of morality, the antimatter to its matter, the void to its creation, the debit to its credit.

Say, doesn’t the Bible say the Antichrist is a charismatic man from the East? One who will promise many wondrous things but lead the world into ruin?

Turns out those ancient whacked out nutjobs might have been on to something.

Right now I vacillate between, on the one hand,  being hopeful that the power of the checks and balances of the American system plus the fact that 70 percent of the USA hates his guts and are gearing up to stop him if he tries something crazy shit will make his Presidency the sort of thing you can laugh about, like a drunk clown, but not apocalyptic. And on the other hand, being scared shitless that he will do some truly crazy shit and end up fucking things up in ways that will take generations to fix.

So far, my compromise position  is to treat the whole thing like entertainment and just sit back and wait for all the lovely succulent schadenfreude the future Narcissist In Chief delivers on a daily basis.

And that’s easy to do in these last eight days before he takes office. Humiliating himself is about all he can do right now. He had his first press conference in six months recently, and he was preictably ill-tempered and cranky and prickly. It’s hilarious to watch a spoiled brat like him doing things he clearly doesn’t want to do and does so poorly at.

And now, there’s this whole piss-a-bed thing. For those of you who only ever hear decent news : the hot rumour is that Donald Trump paid two Russian prostitutes to urinate all over the bed at a fancy Russian hotel. Supposedly, this was because it was a bed Barack Obama had slept in.

And while nobody deserves to be a victim of a baseless and damage rumour more than Donald Trump does, I kind of hope it is not true.

Because if it’s true, that speaks to a very sick state of mind. Not because of the possible piss fetish – if that’s all it was, more power to him, That, I can respect.

But if it truly was a kind of revenge on Obama, that indicates that he truly does have the mind and maturity of a toddler. Because pissing the bed in anger is the exactly the sort of thing a toddler would do. And the thing is, he’s 70. So it is entirely possible that he has regressed to that age emotionally speaking.

If so, heaven help us. Or at least American democracy help us. Or if that fails, may he have a total emotional breakdown during his inauguration, shit himself messily and audibly, crawl under a nearby table, and refuse to come out unless he doesn’t have to be President any more.

Then hopefully the “incapacity” clause of the rules for the Vice President being acting President would be successfully invoked.

Because as evil as Mike Pence is, he strikes me as at least being competent evil. He’s not the type to provoke a war with a tweet or throw a temper tantrum at a press conference or start a trade war over something someone said.

I mean, sure, he’s funny now. But the tantrums of toddlers are always amusing when all they can do is scream and cry and hold their breath.

But let that toddler near the cutlery and suddenly it’s not funny any more.

Oh well, there’s nothing I can do about that. All I can do is keep my head down, do my school work, keep rolling towards a future in entertainment, and hope to whoever responds to the hopes of fat gay agnostic nerds that civilization is still going when I graduate from VFS.

I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.