Daily Archives: April 22, 2018

Oh right. This thing.

Posted on by
Reply

Forgot to put this in yesterday’s blog entry.

Finally got this done yesterday :

\

It’s a compilation of the best takes from a night of doing very short video bits for the Paragon project that I have been working on with Felicity and Garth.

It took me over a month to get done due to my running into technical issues, one of which was depression.

And my inclination is to feel terrible about that. To exoriate myself for failing my friends and letting everyone down by being such a colossal fuckup, even though this is totally something I should have been able to do in an hour overnight.

But that sort of thing is the main reason why it took me so long, technically issues aside. It’s the kind of thing that makes teckling the problem seem so hard and like something I would rather not even think about, and that kind of gets in the way of productivity.

It’s a highly self-destructive patttern and one I would be better off without.

But as much as it hurts me and makes me life suck, I also sort of… like it?

It feels good to take my stresses and tensions out on myself. It’s like an internalized abusive relationship. A version of my angry dad lurking within me.

But more than that. My father rarelty turned his anger on me. He was impatient with me but he was impatient with everybody. So perhaos I got the pattern of abuse – venting your anger against someone weaker – but not the actual behaviour.

He still did plenty of damage to me with his impatience. He’s probably a big part of why I am such a nervous person and why I always feel like I am doing things too slowly and that everything has to be done as fast as possible because I am late when I start.

Anyhow, back to the Paragon thing.

The technical issues really threw me off. It started with my usual video editing suite, Ulead VideoStudio, died and could not be revived.

Then came a long series of alternatives which all found their own way of not working.

Finally I came upon WeVideo, and while I am not fully conversant with how it does things yet, I was at least able to assemble the damned clips.

Now I will try my best to learn how to trim clips, insert clips, and so on.

I have the PDF manual to the app open but the instructions are not making a lot of sense to me. This is hardly unprecedented. I have a hard time learning from instructions. My mind just plain can’t turn instructions into actions withouit a hell of a lot of hard work. And even then, maybe not.

It’s like I have to learn everything my own way and if that way is not available, tough.

I’m so goddamned specialized. Super great in certain broad areas and terrible in all the others. There are times when I wish I had more generalized competence. Then I would not feel so helpless and dependent.

I need more sleep so I am gonna nap nao.

Aaaand I am back.

I’ve been so tired lately. And I am sleepy all the time. I am worried that this means that my (untreated) sleep apnea is getting worse and that I will be in serious trouble soon.

Adding fuel to the fire is that I had three seperate times yesterday, I had trouble brathing and had to empty out my lungs completely (like I do) many times in order to clear out the excess CO2 that pools at the bottoms of my lungs and takes up space that should go to absorbing oxygen from my breathing.

Or at least, that’s my theory.

And that CO2 accumulates while I sleep. My interrupted breathing keeps me from fully exhaling and thus getting rid of all of the CO2 from the inhalation.

So I am a tad worried.

And I find myself staring at the CPAP machine that has sat idle for at least three years at my bedside and I tty to will myself to use it. I

I know it works because I did use it when I first got it.

I was such a good boy back then. Took my pills and my insulin, used the CPAP machine, even tested my blood despite the pain.

Where did that guy go? I guiess he got older and lazier and became me. Right now, it’s all I can do to keep up with my medications.

I haven’t injected my insulin in at least six months, probably more. It’s one of those things that died when I fell down the Skyrim hole and I still haven’t revived it.

I just try to make it through the day with as little pain as I can manage.

I want more, I really do. But I get so tired.

God damn it, I just woke up and already I am nodding off at the keyboiard. What the actual fuck, man. I feel like a nacroleptic.

Any way I can take naps in lieu of others for a living?

‘Cause I’d make a million at that kind of job.

I try not to fight it. I know that if I am this tired, it most likely means I am way behind on sleep and so sleeping a lot could actually help me catchon my REM sleep and thus leave me far better off when I am finally done.

Sure doesn’t feel like it, though. Feels like the more I sleep, the sleepier I get, until eventually I just stop waking up entirely.

Not likely, I know, but it’s how it feels.

But of course, I don’t want to sleep the day away, Iwant to be alive and awake and enjoying my life and doiung stuff/ Even if most of that stuff is playing Witcher 3.

Sleeping all the time makes me feel like the hours of my life are being stolen.

Damn I wish I had more Diert Coke.

I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.

 

 

Timely (ish) Review : Isle of Dogs

Posted on by
Reply

(Gene Shalit voice)

The film is called Isle Of Dogs, and Isle Of IT!

Seriously, though, I love this movie. I was charmed and delighted from beginning to end. it really spoke to the animal lover in me because, despite my being way more of a cat person, I recognize that dogs, in general, are awesome.

A warning for fellow cat lovers, however : there is a small amount of indirect villification of cats in this movie. The actual villains are humans, but those humans are cat lovers.

Also, while this is a pretty kid-friendly movie, there are some parts that are quite dark and so it might not be suited for very young kids.

The “too young to see Bambi” demographic.

One more warning : .parts of the movie are in untranslated Japenese. But only in scenes where you can get the gist of what is happening from vocal tone and such.

That said, this is a movie that will make you smile. The script is warm and witty in the Wes Anderson way, where you are more amused than laughing out loud. The animation is absolutely gorgeous – granted, the dogs come across as really high quality toy dogs than real dogs, but that’s entirely in keeping with the visual style of the movie.

I mean, the people seem like dolls too. It all fits.

Most impressively, the movie manages to be genuinely heartwarming in a way that isn’t trite or manipulative. And the plot is original enough that I had no idea what would happen next the majority of the time, other than knowing that it will end well.

Because of course it will. I would accept no less from any movie in a kid-friendly genre.

The voice acting is superb. The dogs are both lovable and relatable, especially if you have been around dogs for any length of time. There are hundreds of little touches that show that the animators knew a lot about how dogs move and react, whether it’s something subtle like a slight twitch of an ear or something more substantial, like grasping how four footed creatures actually move through their environment.

It reminded me of how impressed I was by how Miyazaki animated toddlers in his movies. It takes real observation and sensitivity to understand that toddlers don’t move like older children or adults. They body proportions are different and they live in a world where everything is made for people far larger than them,.

Isle of Dogs understands dogs the same way.

All in all, Isle of Dogs is that rare movie that you can take a kid to – even if it’s just your inner child – and both of you will have a very good time and come away from it feeling warmer and happier and maybe just a little bit better about the world.

And when art  – in any form – can do that, you know you’ve found something special.

So if you’re a dog lover looking for a movie that seems to be made just for you, an animation fan looking for something with a little of that old fashioned magic in it, or just want to show off how well you understand Japanese, I hearily recommend this movie.

Yay, I reviewed something that was still in the theaters!

Why, that’s practically relevent!

Now I have another thing to reivew, namely the Indian restaurant I ordered from tonight for my Saturday Night Treat.

It’s called Ginger Indian Cuisine and I am displeased,due to the price.

See, I paid $14 for chicken vindaloo. And by itself that is not outrageous – that’s about what I would pay downtown.

But if I had ordered it downtown, it would have come with the usual Indian food trimmings – some naan bread, some cold rice, a scoop of kachumber or some other Indian salad – and therefore I would feel like I got a meal.

Instead, all I got was the curry. And it was quite good – but I don’t know if it was $13 good. And that’s not even including the delivery charge and tip.

Side note – I figured out how to not include any tip on my SkipTheDishes order so that I could tip my driver directly without having to worry about whether or not their employer is even going to pass the money along.

Fact is, some restauranteurs are bastards and would keep the tips themselves if they thought they could get away with it.

Oh, and every time I order through SkipTheDishes, I get this song stuck in my head :

What a great war song.

Anyhow, back to the review. The curry was great, especially when I had re-adjusted to the spiciness level.

Every time I have spicy food after not doing so for a long time , I go through the same old thing : I think I am ready for how hot it will be, and I never am.

It’s always a terrible shock. I figure that this is because I subconsciously expect it to be roughly as hot as the last spicy thing I ate.

But that is based on how spicy the food seemed at the end of the meal, when my taste buds have adjusted and/or been rendered numb from the shock.

It amounts to the same thing.

And that’s why it always comes as a shock. If I ate spicy cuisine more often, presumably I would retain both my resistance to it and the memory of how hot it is at the START.

But because I seldom have anything spicier than a cinnamon bun, it blindsides me.

Anyhoiw, back to the issue of value. I am finding that quite often I feel a little ripped off by my SkipTheDishes meals, and it’s because I am paying $20 – the price of a restaurant meal – for what amounts to fast food.

I will no doubt continue to do it – it’s way too much fun to have so many restaurants to choose from without having to leave the house – but I feel a tad clipped.

Such are the times we live in, I suppose. Especially in a rapidly densifying area like Richmond. I sure do miss free delivery.

But Richmond is worth it.

I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.