It’s Therapy Thursday, and I just got off the phone with my shrink.

I talked a lot about feeling like all I do it go in circles. Like a hamster in a wheel, I do a lot but none of it gets me anywhere.

All it does is pass the time.

I’ve passed a LOT of time. My entire adult life, in fact. All I really know how to do is pass the time by entertaining myself, and I do it as if I am waiting for something.

Like all this time, I’ve just been sitting in life’s waiting room, reading the magazines and waiting for my name to be called.

Obviously, that’s never going to happen. Nobody is ever going to come to me and say “It’s time for life now. Let me help you get started. Here’s life’s tutorial level. ”

Life does not have a tutorial level. Or walkthroughs, strategy guides, help screens, online assistance, or even a lousy instruction manual.

In some ways, I wish I had been dumber. Sometimes I feel like I am the only claustrophobic ant in the ant farm. I have the dubious advantage of knowing how small our little ant world is compared to the three dimensional world out there and I want out.

Then again, if I actually did get out, option paralysis would kick in and I would collapse under the weight of trying to handle a nearly infinite number of variables.

Other people don’t have that problem because they don’t see the crazy amount of possibilities that I do. All they see is the everyday mundane realities of life. They don’t have a supercharged imagination magnified to the power of a sky high IQ and focused by the high precision lens of a highly disciplined mind like I do.

And it gives me a lot of power. But without the will to wield it, all it does is make life harder for me.

There has to be a way to change that, though. When it comes to the currency of the mind, I am rich beyond belief. I have an extraordinary level of imagination. I can write all kinds of wonderful things. I can make people laugh. I can organize people. I’m charming and lovable. The list goes on and on.

There has to be some way to connect all that to reality in a way that lets me support myself and feel like a real live grownup type person and not… whatever I am now.

A sad, lonely, and very ill disabled person, I suppose.

I mean, it’s a tragedy. Here I am, brain the size of a planet, etc. It’s such a waste of human potential. I have so much to give to the world. So much to contribute.

The only thing holding me back is my fear. My damage. The truth is that the door to my cage has never been locked and I have been free to go all this time.

But I am scared spitless of that big bad world full full of overstimulation and chaos and complications out there.

And until that changes, nothing else will either.

More after the break.

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The Seven of the Eleven

Well I finally did it. I ordered 7-11 via Foodora.

And I have to say, I am loving it.

I am currently feasting on a Cheddar Smoke, a Jamaican Patty, and of course, my beloved crinkle cut fries.

I got all that, plus a bag of these (the Macaroon ones) and a 2L of Coke Zero for $20.77, tax and tip included.

I am used to paying a minimum of $25 for a meal ordered in, and that does not include a 2L and dessert.

So I get the feeling I will be doing this a lot more in the future.

The Good Bites are not one hundred percent Good. They do have some sugar in them, but only in the chocolate chips, and I figure that will probably be okay, given all the other healthy stuff in there that will slow down the metabolization of the sugar enough so that it doesn’t hit me quite so hard.

That’s how it works for my beloved carrot muffins at McDonald’s. As long as I eat them after a full and relatively healthy meal, I can get away with it.

One funny little thing : My deliveryperson called up. I buzzed them in. Then I went to the door to wait.

And wait. And wait. I waited long enough to get painful flashbacks to times deliverers couldn’t find the place and had to call back a bunch of times.

Then suddenly it hits me. Contactless delivery! The dude probably had already been and gone. I open the door, and voila, like magic, there’s my stuff.

I could get used to this. And it has to be amazing for the drivers because now, they don’t have to slow down to futz with change or wait for the person to put some pants on or any of that.

All they have to do is drop off your order and knock on your door or whatever and then it’s off to the next delivery.

Reminds me of how I loved people who paid at the office when I was a paperboy. Didn’t have to bug them for money.every Thursday. Just deliver the paper to them on time.

I used to fantasize about all my customers being people who paid at the office. Would have made my life a lot easier.

Not that I particularly hated collecting the money every Thursday. It gave me a little glimpse into people’s lives, which I loved.

But the job would have been so much easier if I didn’t have to do it.

Verdict : the Good Bites are…. okay. Ish. Not nearly as sweet I would like them to be… damn the whole dark chocolate thing all to hell on that score.

And I have never been huge into coconut. But the Macaroon variety was the only one available on Foodora.

In fact, 3/4 of the flavours are based on coconut. Including Coconut Lemon, which sounds quite disgusting to me.

I can’t imagine how that could not end up being horribly bitter.

Anyhow, mission accomplished. Got my stuff. Probably going to order this way many times more in the future.

Heck, just being able to get Diet Coke delivered on demand for only $0.99 for delivery alone is a killer app to yours truly.

I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.