So this morning, around 5:30 am, I was lying in bed pondering the meaning of the universe when I suddenly realized that my right foot felt like I had a very tighter slipper on it and was tingling in a very alarming way.
And in a sense, it did have a very tight slipper on it, it’s the very tight slipper known as “the skin on my right foot”. Said foot had gone so numb that all feeling in the skin was gone and hence my macabre and terrifying predicament.
So i wriggled said foot and rubbed it and flexed it and such to try to jumpstart the circulation and that helped a little but not enough so eventually I stood up and walked around a bit and that helped more but it was all still pretty freaking scary.
And the worst part is, this shit has been happening for a long time. I’ve just been ignoring it. If my foot went numb I just took steps to get it warmed back up and then went “herp a derp, problem solved!” and went back to my “life”.
Well that’s clearly stupid. So I am treating this as my dire warning that I have to start leading a healthier life or I am going to end up in a wheel chair, a coma, or my grave.
So I need that glucometer. Which means I need to find away around the massive mental logjam that is keeping me from getting it.
Let’s start with excuses. I keep telling myself that what is keeping me from doing it is that I don’t know what glucometers are covered by my provincial medical plan, and that is true up to a point.
But there has to be a way to figure that shit out. The right Google search is out there somewhere. Barring that, pharmacists probably know. They deal with BC’s bureaucratic intricacies all the time.
I wish the email address for my pharmacist hadn’t dropped off the face of the planet. That would have been the perfect solution for me. Email does not set off my social anxiety except at a faint, background level, and so the onramp to action is not very steep at all.
Oh well. That leaves the phone. I do not like phoning people. It scares me. I always feel like I am barging into their lives demanding things, and that’s not entirely wrong.
I could also start taking insulin sans information like I used to do. I mean, if my foot is going numb, I think we can assume there’s not enough blood in my sugar stream and i need to knock that shit down ASAP.
And that means i have to clear all the bullshit and trash off my desk so I can find my goddamned injector needle and needle tips and swabs.
There’s always more steps than my executive dysfunction can handle.
But I will figure this shit out. I have to. My right foot is still tingling slightly, and the next time, it might not come back online at all.
I just have to stay focused and motivated long enough to fix the problem.
More after the break.
And we are back.
Well, I managed to pull myself together enough to inject some insulin. The usual 60 units, which is the maximum amount the injector pen can hold at a time.
I guess I am over being scared of setting off a low blood sugar incident. That was my paper thin bullshit excuse for not doing it before now.
Like all such bullshit excuses, it doesn’t stand up to the light of day at all. Sure, I might end up with low blood sugar. But probably not, seeing as I am having serious neurological symptoms from how crazy high my blood sugar must be.
But even if I did go from way over to way under, it’s a problem easily fixed by eating.
I mean, here are home, there’s always lots of food around. The times I have been in actual deadly peril, I was out and about and therefore food was not at hand, and I had to pull myself together enough to get some food into me before I died,
Or I might have gotten lucky and just slipped into a coma.
SO yeah, Got some insulin into me. Got the supplies all dug out of the miasma so I can find them when I decide to take more insulin.
Right now I am feeling like my sugars are a little low, so I am not going to take any now.;
Honestly, all I really want to do right now is sleep. Always at the worst possible times. Like the times when I am least able to sleep are the times my body decides things are safe enough for me to sleep.
No pressure, I guess.
That connects with my theory of why so many of us depressives are night owls. We are very sensitive to things like crowd pressure and herd stress, and so we prefer to sleep through the day, when there are so many people up and active, and only truly come alive whenever most people are asleep.
That’s when we feel it is safe to creep out of our little hidey holes and frolic.
Hmmm. That, in turn, connects with my thinking about how there are the alphas who see what everyone else wants and strive for it, and then there are omegas like myself who take what others do not want and then defend it to the death if challenged about it because it is MINE.
This applies very neatly to us nerds, and it explains a lot of our somewhat fractious nature. If you get a lot of people together, either virtually or at a convention, who have all staked out their tiny kingdoms where they are the sole ruler, shit is going to go down when two or more claim the same metaphorical space.
Add in that there’s a lot of people in fandom who are somewhere on the autism spectrum and thus tend to have one track mind just like the trains they love, and you can see how clashes occur.
Because if two trains are on the same tracks, what happens when they meet? Going around is not an option.
Instead, they smash together until one of them is dead.
Sound familiar to anyone?
I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.