Sleepy. Hard to think. Mental fog. The usual.
But I am not in a lot of pain, which is nice. This is the nicer form of being fucked up by sleep. I don’t have a headache and there’s no body ache or that fun feeling like I have been run over by a cartoon steamroller.
But the mental fog is pretty thick.
The words are not going to come easy in this state. In general, I have been having trouble coming up with something to say lately.
Not sure why. Maybe my brain is trying to go into summer mode now that the weather is getting nicer and all that sunshine out there is starting to call to me.
Keep calling, sunshine. Maybe one of these days I will listen. Go for a nice little walk in the sunshine. Maybe get a Slurpee at 7-11 or something.
Or pick up the drugs that have been siting at my pharmacy for a week. The pharmacy is only a block away but somehow, I just can’t find the motivation to get dressed and go get the damned thing.
Well I will have no choice soon because I am almost out of Paxil. Got four days’ worth left and then that’s it.
And yet, I have a ton of Wellbutrin left. And I have no idea how that is possible. I always, always, ALWAYS take the two of them together.
Yet somehow, they are out of sync. Weird.
Man, is it hard to think of things to say right now. All I really want to do is go back to bed. I am behind on sleep because when I lay down to go to sleep this morning, that rare yet detestable thing happened where suddenly I am super tense all over my body and I have to get up and do stuff because it makes sleep or even just laying in bed relaxing downright impossible.
Thank goodness that doesn’t happen often because it’s maddening as fuck.
Feeling pretty depressed. I will probably feel better after some more sleep.
But I have promises to keep
And 149 words to go before I sleep
And 143 words to go before I sleep
Oh, get this : there’s sugar in Tic Tacs! In fact, they are mostly sugar. And here I have been eating the fucking things like they’re… well, Tic Tacs.
Turns out that they can claim to be sugar free because, at least in the US, because the US says that something is sugar free if it has less than half a gram of sugar per serving and the bastards at Tic Tac consider one serving to be one Tic Tac, and Tic Tacs weight less than half a gram, and voila, via corporate doublethink, what amounts to a tiny lozenge shaped sugar cube is sugar free,
And I am so mad about this. I distinctly recall them being advertised as the sugar free zero calorie mint at one point.
But nope. Lies. All lies. And these are the kind of lies that could kill someone.
And I am going to miss my happy silly little candies.
And I feel betrayed.
Fuck you, Tic Tacs!
More after the break.
What I want for my birthday
Oh boy, this again.
Yup, looks like it’s time for me to figure out what the fuck I want again.
And I have to blog about it because that seems to be the only way I can marshal my thoughts and focus enough to actually make decisions.
Otherwise, I end up completely poleaxed as I try to process a quasi-infinity of options all at the same time.
There’s a lesson in there somewhere about the difference between being a parallel processing person as opposed to being a linear processing person, but that’s not the topic of this hunk of bloggage, so we shall move on.
So what o I want? Well, there’s always cash. But cash is so impersonal.
I mean, I definitely appreciate it when I get it, but you know how they say “It’s the thought that counts?”
Well, cash is the most thoughtless gift imaginable. It requires absolutely no knowledge of who the recipient is as a person. It basically abdicates all responsibility for choosing a gift and makes the recipient choose instead.
Hmmm. That sounded on point. But it wasn’t.
A step up from cash would be a Steam gift card. That, at least, requires the person to have some idea that I like video games.
What else… anything that helps relax my back. So like, a back massager of some sort, or even just a good back scratcher.
Extra long in either case, though, ’cause I am a big dude and I have a lot of real estate to cover back there.
Relatedly, I would appreciate anything that makes sitting in front of this computer all day more comfortable. Cushions, backrests, that sort of thing.
Hugs. Lots of them. I really crave human touch.
If that’s a bit too much to ask, a gift certificate for a masseur would be very nice.
Or a masseuse, I suppose. But only if she is a real, honest to goodness massage therapist. I have no use for a “masseuse” is really just a prostitute.
A masseur who is actually just a prostitute, however, has possibilities. Especially if he has big strong hands and a gentle touch,.
I am deliberately not choosing gifts that come with dreams attached. So nothing to do with my writing or anything of the sort.
I am through with thinking a purchase can set me free. In reality, they only set me up for feeling like I am a loser and a failures when I don’t make use of the “opportunity”.
What else… oh, sugar free candy is always a huge hit. Especially chocolate. Of all the things diabetes has taken away from me, I miss chocolate bars the most.
That, or hard candy. What can I say…. I love having something to suck.
I guess that’s about all I can think of right now. I am sure that I will think of a ton of other things once it’s too late.
I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.