So my health continues to fuck up in new and exciting ways.
Last night, at around 11:40 pm, I felt this wave of weakness and malaise was over me. It was a truly horrible sensation. Like someone cast a curse on me, or like I had just lost years of my life to the touch of a ghost.
Well this is bad, I thought. So I decided to get off the computer and lay down in bed and monitored my condition.
Well it got a lot worse. I went from mere malaise to feeling absolutely awful. I felt incredibly hot and I was sweating buckets. My head was a mess of turgid fog and I was very dizzy and kept nearly passing out.
In retrospect, I wonder why I didn’t just let myself pass out. Might have saved me a lot of pain and suffering and fear.
But at first at least, I had to sit up because lying down was making me nauseous. So I guess that stuck in my head despite my condition and in times like these, I revert to my most primal of behaviours which is stubbornness.
What followed was several hours of sitting on the edge of my bed suffering like the sick animal I was. It felt like an attack of some kind of tropical disease. Like malaria.
Seems unlikely, though.
Eventually the fever broke and I was able to lie down and zonk out.
Then, on the way today’s IV antibiotics appointment, I realized that once more, the left half of my face and three of the fingers on my left hand had “gone to sleep”.
In other words, they were numb.
It quickly cleared, though. All that is left is a tiny bit of tingling in my lip and one fingertip.
Now either of these incidents would be enough to send me back to the ever-loving ER. It would have been easy to once more go after my antibiotics. That would definitely have been the adult, rational, reasonable thing to do.
But I have come to the conclusion that I am not a wise man. I am a foolish creature that makes poor decisions despite his best efforts to be smart and make wise choices, and lack the basic emotional stability for grown up type smarts.
Ergo, I did not go to the ER, because I just could not stand the thought of going back there so soon. I need more time to recover my nerves and my patience.
Plus, there lurks in my mind the feeling that no matter what symptoms I present with, they are going to find there to be nothing wrong with me.
I mean, last time, I felt absolutely horrible. Cold, dizzy, confused, ill.
And yet I got a clean bill of health anyhow. What. The. Fuck.
At this point, I feel like I could be on fire and they would still just patiently and unhurriedly test me then tell me they found nothing wrong with me and can’t explain this mysterious burning sensation I claim to be feeling.
There has to be something physical going on. Something the usual tests don’t show.
And I suppose it’s up to me to make sure they frigging find it.
Preferably before it kills me.
More after the break.
In other news
Then there’s the matter of atenolol.
Every time I get my IV treatment, they take my blood pressure, and I get a stark reminder of just how bad mine in.
So for now, I have foresworn both salt and caffeine. If my blood pressure enters the normal range and stays there a while, they will come back.
But for now, I have to do whatever I can to lower that shit before I have a stroke, an aneurism, a heart attack, or an attack from the salt vampire from Star Trek.
Oh, she’s out there. Count on it.
In addition to those measures, I went back on atenolol.
It’s one of my blood pressure meds. I forget what the other one is called, which tells you a lot about my compliance level.
See, being the stumbling fool I am, when I was told to go off one of my blood pressure meds in order to combat my serious dizzy-upon-rising issue, I forget which one I was told to stop so I stopped both.
Good god, that was stupid. You are never supposed to go off a blood pressure medication suddenly, let alone two of them.
So I figured I better go back on the one I could find and that was atenolol.
Well, guess what. I am getting super dizzy when I stand up again.
So now I have to stop the atenolol again because that shit is very harsh to deal with. Getting sick and dizzy every time I stand up is very depressing.
Basically, you know how sometimes you get dizzy from standing up too fast?
Imagine that happening every single time you stand up.
But I still need to lower the frick out of my blood pressure, so I will have to ask Doctor Kwok the Mighty to find me a new one.
This is honestly the first time I can remember having to discontinue a med because of the side effects. Makes me realize how lucky I have been until now.
Most of the time, I either experience no side effects or weak ones.
Guess my luck finally wore out. Oh well.
The good news is that I finally made it out to Denny’s tonight.
Which means not only did I get precious facetime with my friends, I also ate a nice big turkey dinner full of all four food groups and by doing so onboarded some serious nutrition to see me through the next low appetite/missed meal period.
I have missed at least one meal due to lack of appetite for like eight days in a row.
That’s not good.
Sure is saving me a ton of money, though!
I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.