The last little while has been almost entirely devoted to sleep and peeing.
I’m serious. For the most part I have been sleeping punctuated by my waking up with a VERY full bladder in urgent need of being emptied.
So I guess my body has decided I need to catch up on two fronts today.
And it’s annoying. I prefer to have a choice about going to sleep or to the bathroom and for the last 16 hours said choice has been largely taken away from me.
I suppose I should be glad I at least got to make it to the toilet before I peed.
Speaking of which, I have emptied said over-filled bladder at least six times in the last 12 hours. That is an impressive amount of urine to discharge.
I won’t bother wondering where I store it all, like I usually do when I hit one of these patches. Logically, there must be somewhere it lurks until it’s time to let loose.
Somewhere possibly extradimensional. Dimension P.
Seriously, though, the obvious though somehow unsatisfying answer is that it is somehow retained in my cells.
What causes this retention remains a mystery. I suspect it has something to do with sodium being retained in my cells as well.
And I do have a fair bit of salt in my diet. But that’s something I ironically do in order to fight my tendency toward dehydration.
I suppose it’s better to pee a lot than be dehydrated.
But it just seems wrong somehow. Unbalanced. Not to mention being just plain annoying having to go pee all the dang time.
The sleepiness is old hat to me, of course. I’ve had these sleepy periods now and then for a long ol time.
They too can be annoying. As patient readers know, I can be groovy and mellow with the whole somnolent vibe for a while but eventually I am going to want to DO something besides sleep and then it becomes a problem.
Drat my restless ramblin’ ways!
More worrisome is that my back has been bothering me lately. Seems like it’s always tight and aching. Feels like there is something gastrointestinal going on that is causing a big, complex knot of tension to form in that fussy area atop my spine and leading from between my shoulder blades down to a foot above my injured L4 vertebra.
At first I thought it was the vertebra itself that was hurting, and that would have raised the alert level a bit.
But no, that area is involved but there’s no acute pain anywhere near there. Thankfully.
So it’s just a matter of trying to relax and let my body and mind do whatever they need to do without my overwrought mind screwing things up.
My conscious mind is such a micromanager.
I’ve been feeling the angry apathy stirring lately. That “fuck everything everywhere forever” kind of feeling. The frustrating feeling than nothing matters. nothing means anything, and everything is worthless and lifeless and boring.
I think it comes from being really fucking tired.
More after the break.
As the stars gently rain down to earth
Feeling kind of sadly sweet and sweetly sad at the moment.
A sense of gentle apocalypse sings softly in my soul. The rain drops in waves, like a vertical ocean caused by a sprinkler the size of the entire sky. Windshields become aquarium glass and the puddles sheet up to slap the car like a duel is being declared.
Yet the rain isn’t cold. Nor is it warm. It’s the sort of tepid luke-warm temperature you get when the sun-showers are in the middle of turning into rain.
And sky-dark and night-dark blend together to erase all boundaries between night and day and hang us up like soggy towers in the nether realm betwixt.
And the streets all smell like wet dust and baked asphalt, and people are shielding their eyes with military salutes as they look up to confirm that it is, indeed, raining.
Such reckless speculation demands hard data to confirm.
And the puddles slurp and slop and gurgle deep in their disturbed digestive tracts as the drains overflow with unspeakable solids and the heavily drew=drenched and pollen-rich odor of rainwater percolated through flowers and leaves is gradually replaced by the nose-grating smell of plant matter in accelerated decay.
I guess this is how a poet cries.
Never could manage to do things the easy way.
Been sleeping and peeing more. Not at the same time.
But at least this time, I feel like I am getting somewhere. There some kind of deep cell-level flushing process going on and with every rinse cycle, I feel a tad cleaner.
Got to keep my waters flowing, though. No point of washing the garbage annd grime out of my soul if there’s no underground river to wash it all away
The worst part is that I am still so tired that the words are coming mighty slow.
Not as bad as last night when I got home from Xmas dinner, though. Wow was that a drag. I could barely type, let along string together coherent sentences.
So if I was even less coherent than usual last night, I apologize. I was so tired that I would type the same word three or four times before it came out right.
Then there was sentence structure to wrangle with. Oy gevalt.
Tonight I am dropping in and out of conscious connection far less often. It’s still much harder to farm words than usually, and that’s a drag. But this too shall pass.
These rainstorms of mine pass through my skies sooner or later. Maybe not as fast as I would like them to but eventually they have to clear out and go home and leave me in peace so I can finally get some of my tears cried.
So far I can only squeezes them out a few minutes at a time.
Surely I can do better than that.
Isn’t that right, Shirley?
I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.