Eating lunch at 6:17 pm. That’s a new record even for me.

My fault. I got so deeply into my game of Pathfinder : Wrath of the Righteous that by the time I pulled my head out, it was already 4:45 pm.

Then I ordered my groceries, and decided I would wait till they arrived at around 6 pm so that I could eat the potato and egg salad therein.

Foolish of me, I know. But I am not a smart guy.

I’m just very, very intelligent.

I got in so deep because my adventures have now led me into the very depths of Hell itself, or as it’s known in the game, The Abyss.

Potato, tomato. It’s an infernal plane of torment, misery, and evil and it’s where devils and demons come from and it corrupts people. It’s Hell.

But with a distressingly racist subtext.

See, the place I am in right now is a big city in Hell. And how did the people who made the game decide to depict a city in Hell?

In a word : Arabian.

Arabian architecture. Arabian clothes on the demonic citizens. Even an Arabian sound to the god damned background music!

So when the art department was tasked with depicting an evil, lawless city full of backstabbing, violence, murder, and death, they thought, “Oh, so basically Tehran.”

They might as well have named the place Agrabah, the city from Disney’s Aladdin.

That number was questionable when the movie came out.

Now it is so cringingly racist it feels like a crime against humanity.

And the kicker? Before the Gulf War happened, the movie was actually going to be set in Baghdad! A real city full of millions of people, with cars and electricity and everything, where they haven’t cut people’s hands off in over a century.

Imagine that racist and culturally intolerant POS opening number introducing Baghdad!

Clearly Disney was not “woke” yet.

Do you thing a single one of the people railing against “woke” this and “woke” that thinks, “Well if I’m not woke, what does that make me?”

Asleep? Stunned? In a coma? Brain dead? Give me something to work with here, people. What do you want to be called?

Personally, I like “stunned”. It’s not an actual antonym of “woke”, admittedly, but it seems to sum up the kind of mentality they are going for.

Imagine reporters, absolutely deadpan, reporting that a Stunned protest took place in front of a courthouse today.

Or them talking about some domestic terrorist as being “believed to be linked to the so-called ‘Stunned’ movement. ”

Or how about describing Tucker Fucking Carlson as “a leading Stunned voice” on Fox.

It would explain his default facial expression.

That is a face of almost infinite smackability.

The hilarious thing is that by going with “woke”, the American right wing ceded the victory to the left before a single shot was fired.

Because who, on a gut level, wants to be less “woke” than the next guy?

Remember, in the land of the Stunned, the Woke One is king.

More after the break.

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Emotionally unavailable mother

I have/had one.

First, let’s see what Kati has to say.

Mine gave up on me.

Not at first, but once she went back to work when I was around three. She was a full time teacher and a full time housewife then, and that left precious little time for her precocious little redheaded tyke.

You know, the one she never wanted in the first place. The one who defied her tubal ligation to be born. The one she had no room for because she was already an overburdened mother with three kids to raise when I came along.

And I was left wondering what I had done wrong to make my mother stop loving me.

No wonder I am so desperate for attention.

I’ve told you nice people before how for a while I could come home from school and tell her about my day and she’d listen.

But eventually it was like talking to a brick wall, only without the echo. This devolved to the point where even when I gave her a hug while she did the dishes, she not only did not respond at all, she looked back at me like I was just some horrible alien thing attached to her that she merely passively, but resentfully, endured.

That look hurt me almost as much as the rape did. It killed any sense I had that I was not alone in the world and left me to retreat into the inner realm I still occupy today.

Because when the world hurts that bad, the only thing you can do to protect yourself is withdraw from it, and minimize your exposure to its toxic effect.

And my life became a great deal colder. And stayed that way.

Kati mentions “good mother messages” – things you wish your mother had said to you.

So let’s give that a try.

“I haven’t forgotten you, Michael. I am sorry I wasn’t there for you emotionally. I never meant to hurt you or make you feel abandoned and alone. I know you are hurting inside from how you were treated in school and I am here to give you all the comfort, soothing, and understanding you need to recover from that. From now on, you can always come to me when you need someone to talk to who can help you make sense of your world and makes you feel safe and loved and warm again. Even when I am tired or busy or depressed, or even all three, I will be there for you when you need me. You are precious and important and I love you enough to make you top priority in my life along with your siblings. And I am going to make damned sure your siblings always make room for you in everything we do, and we will always plan everything with you being equal to your brother and sisters in mind. You being too young and weak to compete for what you want will no longer mean you get nothing. I’m so happy I had you, my dreamy little guy, and think you’re the best surprise a mother could ever get. I love you, Michael. Now come give me a big warm hug. ”

There’s probably more but it’s a good start.

I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.