Not where I come from, anyhow.
Back home in Summerside, Prince Edward Island, March is, at best, maybe early spring. The common folk belief is that we will get one last blizzard on or around St. Patrick’s Day and after that, it might be very early spring.
Like, grass poking through the snow. That early.
April is probable spring. Odds are heavily in favour of all the snow being gone before the end of the month, most likely before the middle of the month.
May is definitely spring. Not the first month of summer, spring. My birthday is May 19 and it has almost always been full on spring by then, with the birds singing in the trees and pollen floating on the breeze and everything springing forth into new life.
And clearly, those expectations are a permanent setting in me because I have lived here in the GVRD for 27 years and I still find the idea of March being the start of spring to be annoying, like being woken up too early when the clocks change.
Not that I mind the weather turning nicer this early in the year. I am glad that I am probably going to put my fan heater away till fall soon. That little fan saved my frozen butt this year but I doubt I will need it again any time soon.
Dunno where I will stash it, but it’s got to be someplace where I will see it regularly so I will remember both that I have it and that I know where it is.
These are the things you have to do when you know you are absentminded AF and need all the help you can get when it comes to not mentally misplacing things.
For example, somewhere in this room is a self-thrusting vibrator. Came in a fancy carrying case and everything. Thought it would be the answer to my big bad bottom bitch dreams when I ordered it.
But then I tried it out (uninserted) and the somewhat Cronenbergian horror of what it looked like as it thrust (it has… skin….) and put it away somewhere and then completely forgot about it.
And that thing cost me almost eighty bucks! You’d think that, and the promise of scratching my bitch itch but good, would be reason enough to keep it in mind.
But no. I am a strange and silly creature and nothing I do makes sense.
For another example, there is my light exposure system meant to counteract my possible Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) that I used exactly once, thought, “Yeah, that feels like it might help. ” then put it away and never used it again.
It is so hard for me to develop new habits. It takes a sustained, concentrated effort to keep myself from just going back to my standard existence.
I’ve been in this rut for a very long time and it’s pretty damned deep by now. So deep that it’s hard for me to even remember that there’s a world outside it, and that all I have to do to get out of this rut is to decide, once and for all, to leave it behind.
But its walls keep me safe. Maybe. I dunno.
It’s kind of hard to know if your “safety” measures are working when they keep you so “safe” from the outside world that you don’t even know if the threat(s) still exist.
The odds are heavily in favour of the things I do to be “safe” are worse then redundant and are actually doing me a lot more harm than good.
Which means I’m not safe at all. I’m just not scared because the evils and dangers I am dealing with are hyper familiar and thus fail to stimulate a fear response.
This is fine.
More after the break.
A touch of urf
Still getting that little stab of dizziness and nausea when I stop moving, and I have come to realize that I’ve also had too much stomach acid this whole time too.
And this worries me. I don’t want to end up with acid reflux, or worse. And I am curious as to why my stomach has been producing too much acid, or possibly not enough of the mucoid coating that normally keeps your stomach from digesting itself.
So if ever you’d wanted to know why stomach acids don’t dissolve you, now ya know.
I could invest in some antacids. I am sure there must be sugar free ones out there. Normally I am quite leery of antacids because when you have Irritable Bowel Syndrome like I do, putting something that fizzes as it neutralizes acid into your guts can lead to all kinds of complications.
Gassy foods can be a bad idea too, and for the same reason.
I think that it’s possible that my sinuses are part of the problem too. Sinus congestion can get backed up all the way to the inner ear and that might be where the dizziness and nausea are coming from, unrelated to the acidosis.
Standard caution here : I should probably takes this to Urgent Care. But I know I probably will not. That would be the practical, sensible, adult thing to do, and we hav established that I am none of those things.
Instead I will hold on and monitor the situation. In all probability, this will be yet another mysteriously transient illness that comes and goes like a thief in the night and leaves me to wonder what the fuck that was all about.
Who knows, maybe this all traces back to my being dehydrated yet again. I will test this theory out by hydrating well and seeing if it makes me feel better.
I dunno, though. My ear canals feel weirdly hot. Perhaps something is annoying them.
The real experiment I should be conducting is my going back on antihistamines and seeing if that cuts off all my inflammation at the source.
I mean, taking Aleve did help a bit. So inflammation might be a root problem.
And that would come from my allergies.
And I have been sneezing a little bit.
I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.