Today’s foobtastic article title is the work of the winner of a super secret contest held over the last three million years in a layer of reality where time means nothing, the speed of light is the same as that of a stiff walk into a light breeze, and parking tickets are given out by fat bottomed cherubs with kidney issues.
After millions of subjective years, billions of entries, trillions of rounds of judging, and hoompta-tri-quggi-dillions of thought molecules, the winner was a last-minute entry from a Doctor William Cosby, who describes his creative process as one of “inspiration, meditation, and flatulence” and declares his entry to be not only an episode title, but also a dinner mint, a floor topping, and an aggressive tone-poem attack on nonliteral transubstantiation without proper documentation.
Thanks, Doctor Cosby! Hope you enjoy your prizes of a thousand-week vacation to Ejaculation Island and a boot straight to the junk.
Onward with the foobs! Bit of a thin herd this week, but what the heck, the spirit of the fooble freedom fighters will carry on!
First up, I recently learned of the existence of a hilariously brazen and horrible scoundrel of the comic book industry named Rob Granito.
I first heard the name when going through the archives of a webcomic called Gutters and found this strip immortalizing Granito’s gall and bastardry by lampooning it.
This intrigued me. It sounded like this Granito guy might just be the kind of shameless shitbag that is fun to read about when you are not personally involved. And I haven’t been involved in the comics scene since 1990 or so, so he’s not peeing in my pool, so to speak.
So I looked him up, which was less than effortless because the guy doesn’t seem to have a Wikipedia page, or even an Encyclopedia Dramatica page, so there’s no one definitive place to go to get all the poop on this fecal accident of a fellow.
But this article here seems to have a fair bit of it.
This sack of low grade fertilizer’s modus operandi is to just plain claim other people’s artwork as his own. It’s the perfect crime for someone who is both lazy and shameless. And stupid, of course, because come on, dude, like you can get away with that shit in this day and age. There are millions of nerds who collectively (and sometimes individually) know absolutely every piece of comic art ever, along with who drew it, when they drew it, what kind of pencils they used, and what their cholesterol count was at the time. You will get busted so fast it will violate causality.
But hey, judging by the fact that the asshole in question wanted people to pay him $150 an interview based on how “everyone was talking about him”, apparently, he just wanted the attention and didn’t care how negative it was.
I have a small amount of respect for that, and for brazen hucksters in general.
Still, man, what a turdburger!
Our other major foob for the day is…. well, this thing.
As always, click to enlarge
You already want one just from the picture, don’t you? I did.
It’s possibly the most outrageously ambitious and imaginative concept car ever, and just to rub it in, it’s called…. get this… The Flake.
It’s like it’s daring you to take it seriously.
And listen to some of the details of this thing : for one, it’s covered in fur.
I am serious. Fur. The car… is furry. Fake fur, of course, thank goodness, but seriously, according to the designer, this special fur will make it more aerodynamic.
And, presumably, easier to heat in the winter, and nicer to cuddle up with.
All those flat surfaces can raise or lower automatically in order to change the actual shape of the vehicle to the best one for different circumstances, for example, lifting up the opposite side as you go into a turn.
Imagine being in a car that ripples and heaves around like that. It would take some bloody getting used to, to put it mildly.
Oh, and the wheels…. aren’t wheels. Well, not exactly. They are instead a ring of pads connected to a small central hub by more hydraulic tubes, so that the “wheel” can also shift shape to the optimal one for different driving conditions.
For example, at high speed, the bottom part of the “wheel” can flatten, exactly like those expensive Daytona racing tires, and hence the name of this wheel technology, the “D-Wheel”.
Shows they know that in order for your concept car to sound cool to people, it has to have parts that sound like something out of Speed Racer.
The article does not quite make it clear whether there is a working prototype of this car or whether it’s all just design ideas now, but I have to admit, I want to see one of these things in action. And I don’t normally care much about cars.
But come on. It’s a shape changing furry car! How can that not be cool?