Another day, another… whatever

Another thousand words, I guess.

Definitely on the mend. The Snot Faucet has become the Goo Tube. I am horking up sputum on a regular basis, which is a good thing, although I wish the coughing wasn’t so hard that it makes me think I may puke sometimes.

Either way, SOMETHING is coming out of my face.

But so far, knock on wood, it’s just been sputum. Lovely word, that. Sputum. It is the only proper medical term for a substance that sounds pretty much exactly like what a five year old kid would call it.

So yeah. Progress is being made. My lungs are clearing themselves (albeit painfully) and my salty diet has restored my ability to think clearly and feel human.

I still have a small appetite, but that’s way better than no appetite at all. I have been munching the same bowl of popcorn since midnight last night, having a bit here and a bit there, usually with some fruit and maybe an ice cream treat.

Before I get any further away from it, though, I have to tell you about one thing that happened to me during my illness.

It was when it was at its worst, last Wednesday night (Thursday morning). At around 3:30 am, I got up to drain my bladder for like the fifteenth time that day and I guess I got up too fast, because on the way back to bed, I experienced the worst head rush of my life.

And that’s saying something, because I have gotten them from sinus issues or from low blood pressure before. And hey, if too much sodium gives you high blood pressure, guess what too little sodium does?

No, Timmy, it doesn’t give you mutant powers as Saltless Man. Sit down.

So I get this enormous head rush, with a roaring sound in my ears and an intense feeling of dizziness, disorientation, and faintness. And the worst part of it is, it just won’t stop.

Usually, when this happens, it is over in four or five seconds, leaving me feeling weak and sort of giddy. But this time, it just kept on happening.

Eventually, I managed to get to my bed and sat down on the edge to wait for this thing to play itself out. That took a subjectively long time. And during that time, I thought I was going to die.

I thought that the illness plus my inability to eat much had led to a total blood sugar crash, and any second now, I was going to slip into unconsciousness and just plain never get up again.

After all, it’s not like there is even anyone else awake at the time to help me. Even if there was, how would they know I needed help? Even if by some gigantic fluke, they entered my bedroom to talk to me at just the right moment, they would just assume I had fallen asleep.

And they would be right. I mean, a diabetic coma is a lot like sleep.

So all that was roaring through my head as I sat there awaiting my fate. Luckily, the storm subsided and I was left covered in sweat and shaken to my core, but still alive and ready to go back to sleep.

The reason that I have not written about this incident until now is that until I regained my proper blood saline levels, I could not deal with revisiting it.

And that, in turn, has really got me thinking about just how good I am at just forgetting incidents like that. It’s like I am a little kid who falls out of a tree, is all freaked out and scared and crying for a few minutes, then gets up and goes right back to playing.

I mean, three cheers for resilience, but I can’t help but feel I am completely failing to learn anything from these experiences. Sure, the kid is okay, but did he learn how not to fall out of the tree next time, or maybe even that tree climbing might not be for him?

Still, it does point to a vast reserve of resilience in me, a well of power to just get back up and keep going no matter what, and if I can tap into that for uses other than ignoring and forgetting potentially useful medical information, it could be a powerful source of drive and success.

The picture in my mind is less “unstoppable juggernaut” as “wind up tin toy that rights itself and keeps zipping along no matter how often you push it over”.

But I got issues.

I am not out of the woods yet with this cold thing. Granted, the Snot Faucet is down to a slow seep and my throat feels around ninety percent better, but what I really want back now is my goddamned lung capacity.

It really sucks to run out of breath while taking a dump. I mean W. T. F.

Also, my chest still hurts, and that continues to irritate me.

Still, I am counting my blessings. This is definitely one of those Big Yellow Taxi teachable moments when you learn to value something by losing it. In this case, that something is my health.

In my more normal mode, I might not be the healthiest of people, but it is still a fuckton better than how I have felt this week. And if I want to stay out of the hellhole that is true physical sickness, I have to stop fucking around with my health and start taking it seriously.

I know I say that a lot. And I can’t guarantee that this time will be any different than the others. That’s the thing about being my particular breed of jackass. When the crisis is over, we go right back to how we were before like nothing happened.

That would be highly admirably in some situations, but it’s just plain stupid in others, including mine.

It’s like I never learn!

I’ll talk to you again tomorrow folks.

How stupid am I?

No, this isn’t a particularly self-destructive Facebook quiz, it is a blog entry about the various very stupid things I have done lately. I am writing this to deal with this issue a la confessionale, and not purely out of self-flagellation.

Though there’s probably some of that in there as well.

But mostly, it’s about getting things off my chest and bringing to anger and self-loathing to some kind of a head so I can lance that boil and move on.

And you all get to watch! Oh, you lucky people you.

I have three main stupids on my mind tonight :

1. The Wellbutrin Caper. Dateline : a week ago today. I was refilling my medicine box when I noticed I could not find the pill bottle containing my Wellbutrin. I looked and looked, but I just couldn’t find it. I was eager to get to blogging, so I told myself I would search more thoroughly later.

A lot of the most tragic tales of my life begin with me assuming I will remember to do something later. I’m not good at that.

So I promptly forgot all about finding the Wellbutrin, and went on with my life without it, because modern psychoactive drugs are exactly the sort of thing you can just drop whenever you feel like it and suffer no ill effects.

Well, except these.

My there’s a lot of them. Makes me feel like I got off rather easy for my five day Wellbutrin fast. Then again, I was sick with this damned chest cold for a lot of that time and that might have masked the Wellbutrin withdrawal symptoms.

So yeah, due to my total inability to remember that I am terrible at remembering things (hmmmm….), I accidentally went off a powerful drug at the same time I would be battling a nasty infection

Because I am just so smart like that.

2. The Amazon Prime Maneuver. A while back, maybe a couple of months ago, I signed up for Amazon Prime because they were offering a free one month trial and I was about to order a bunch of stuff, so why not get it faster?

And as soon as I get my stuff, I will log on to Amazon and cancel Prime. Right? I will totally remember to do that! I am great at that kind of thing!

Needless to say, I did not. Hell, I don’t even remember which Amazon it was, Canadian or American. I have accounts on both!

And this was one of those negative option dealies where if you don’t cancel, they just go ahead and sign you up, charges included.

A perfect trap for absentminded ninnies like myself, non?

So now I got Prime. 88 bucks down the drain. I plan on looking up all the various benefits soon, as I understand a lot of them, but whatever they are, I got’m.

Of course, I didn’t know this had happened. I got to find out when I tried to get $ out of the ATM at Safeway. I told it to give me $60 and it said “insufficient funds”. Well I knew that had to be bullshit, because I knew there was at least $100 on the card. I had put it on there in anticipation of VFS related fees.

Then I go to take some money out to buy sundries at 7-11 after dinner at ABC on Friday night, and it won’t even give me $20. Insufficient funds. Sayswhatnow?

Humiliatingly, I then have to borrow $10 from Joe to buy the stuff I needed.

By now, I am beginning to seriously worry that I have been a victim of cybercrime. I mean, that’s the only possible explanation, right?

So I call the 1-800 number for the card and check my balance. OMG only 5 bucks!

Well, clearly the only way to catch this dastardly criminal was to check my recent transaction history. And that is when I heard it… Amazon Prime, $88.

It was a weirdly stern female voice too, which only added to the humiliation. Like a severe older woman who is only putting up with you at all because you are a friend of her daughter.

Oh well, like dear Felicity said, it’s not like the money just plain disappeared. I have Amazon Prime somewhere for a year. And the dastardly thing is, that makes me want to go order stuff from Amazon in order to justify buying Prime.

It’s downright diabolical. Jeff Bezos… you win.

3. The Saline Solution.This one isn’t quite as stupid as the others, but still. When I was sick last week, I started losing my appetite.

And speaking as someone who has struggled with the issues of how to eat when you really don’t wanna for almost 20 years, I can say for certain that it never gets any easier. The best you can do is treat food like medicine. Completely separate it from your normal conception of food, and just eat it like you;re taking a pill.

So part of my loss of appetite was that I stopped eating my nighty bag of popcorn. No big deal, until you realize that is my main source of salt.

And despite its vilification, salt is a nutrient and something you very much need. Add in that I was eating less of everything else, and you can see that I have been operating on a seriously salt deficient basis all week.

Luckily, my powers of scientific analysis worked this out, and thanks to a bowl of salty popcorn for supper, I feel more human now than I have all week.

I will do the popcorn thing again tonight at the usual time, and do my best to incorporate salt into my diet afterwards till I am back to normal.

So that is my tale of woe for the evening. Life continues to beat me like a rented mule and I have no choice but to endure it.

But I may be bowed, but I will not be broken. I will make it through whatever is thrown at me, and come out the other side stronger.

That said, I will talk to you tomorrow, dear readers!