No, not this guy :

I meant, this thing I do here. A thousand words of something or other. My… making words…. thing.

Blog just doesn’t seem like the right word, ya know?

Anyhow, I am back. So this is what it’s like to write something others will actually read. (People do read this thing, right?). I had almost forgotten. I was so engrossed in the process of writing a book that to come back to the blogosphere feels like returning to your home town after a long absence. Everything seems… weirdly familiar.

You get so used to the unfamiliar… things without decades of memories to make them seem solid and real… that coming back to the place you left feels too damned real. Like you stepped out of black and white into full on technicolor. It hurts the eyes.

Okay, so I am not really talking about blogging any more. What can I say, the mind wanders, and I follow.

Writing the book was great. Having such a focus for externalizing my energies was very good for me. I wasn’t always happy, but I was definitely more satisfied with life. And now… I honestly don’t know what to do with myself.

Going back to a life of just blogging and making one-take videos… a life which I found at least adequate a month ago… seems like a terrible step backwards to me now. Like a pale and pointless pursuit of meaningless things compared to the sense of satisfaction and purpose I had when I was writing my novel. It’s just not enough any more. I need more. I can’t go back to sleep now… not when I have fought so hard to wake up.

As a result, I am seriously considering just starting my next book. I already know the premise. I could start tomorrow. I will have to do some basic research, and we all know I dislike that. But I know what it will be about and, well, let’s just say the premise dictates the plot. So in a sense, it is already plotted out.

So I might just dive right back in. Be a book-writing machine, like Asimov was. Just write and write and write. The idea seems slightly crazy , but it has a lot of appeal to me. It’s something I have been pondering for a long time.

And without the regimentation of the usual NaNoWriMo 1667 words a day, I would be free to just keep on writing until I was out of words for the day. That’s more or less what happened with my latest book. I couldn’t do that and blog because writing the novel pretty much used up all my words for the day.

But endurance grows with repetition. Who knows how prolific I could be if I simply gave myself over to writing? I write. That’s what I do. It’s my job, hobby, vocation, career, and therapy. I feel like I could write myself out of any mess if I just keep going for long enough.

Of course, at some point you have to proofread and polish the damned thing. Still not keen on that. I already feel like the novel I just finished is lurking on my HD, waiting for me to clean it up and make it presentable, and I.. don’t wanna.

I’ll find some way to make that work somehow.

The other alternative is to find another equally absorbing and demanding creative outlet. Videos come to mind. I didn’t always do the “just me talking” kinds of videos. I used to do ones that were actually somewhat ambitious.

Stuff like this :

Or this one :

You know, I am one funny motherfucker. That German one cracks me the hell up. I need to watch/read my own stuff more often. It will help me remember that I am awesome.

Anyhow, so high production value videos are a possibility. I know that I have plenty of room to grow in that direction. Top quality content need not be expensive, elaborate, or extremely technical. It just has to be well written and competently executed. Not everything can be Epic Rap Battles Of History.

Perhaps a wise move would be to go through all my videos with an eye to figuring out what works and what does not. Take some notes, figure out what I should focus on.

Figuring out what I should focus on… story of my life, really. Too much talent with too little get up and go.

One hurdle to… uh, hurdle on the video front is that editing video can be extremely frustrating due to programs crashing and things slowing down to a crawl if there is too many cuts and so forth and so on.

Maybe I should try to be an online comedian. But I have never felt like writing standup material, or being that kind of performer. I’m a comedy writing, not a comedian. I would enjoy building rapport with the audience, but still. Standup hasn’t really called to me since the 80’s. I’ve moved on.

I could finally get around to writing a comedy novel. That’s what I tried to do with my second NaNoWriMo novel, the fantasy one, but things got pretty serious pretty fast. That really bothers me. Why couldn’t I keep things light and funny? The first chaper of the book is hilarious, charming, and appealing. Very Pratchett-like. Why couldn’t I stay in that vein?

So in a sense, I am a little gun-shy about the whole “funny novel” thing. It’s a little scary to think that I am not capable of sustaining a single mood over the space of a novel. Am I that unstable?

Anyhow, it is wonderful to be back talking to all of you nice people. Writing the novel was great, but a part of me really missed this direct mode of communication where I can just type out my thoughts and set them free.

It is an honor, a privilege, and a joy to be talking to all you nice people again.

And I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow!