<TheAmazingShielaD> So I am watching the Dark Knight rises for the millionth time and you know that scene where Batman goes through a tunnel on a motorcycle?
<DanielTheSpaniel> Yeah.
<TheDorkKnight> Kinda.
<McLovin1990> I think so. It’s been a while since I’ve seen it.
<TheAmazingShielaD> Well if you watch closely, you can see that it’s daytime when he goes into the tunnel, and its night when he comes out!
<DanielTheSpaniel> Bullshit.
<McLovin1990> I totally would have noticed that.
<ChickKorea> Yeah, me too.
<TheAmazingShielaD> I swear it’s true! And I watch that and I’m thinking, “How long is this tunnel, anyway?
<ChickKorea> LOL
<McLovin1990> Seriously.
<DanielTheSpaniel> Only Chris Nolan cou++++*++++++**++++++++*++++++++++++
DanielTheSpaniel has left the chat. 
McLovin1990 has left the chat.
TheDorkKnight has left the chat. 
ChickKorea has left the chat. 
AlienLovechild has left the chat. 
ChickKorea has left the chat. 
<TheAmazingShielaD> What the hell? Guys? Where did everybody go?
User TheVoidThatKills has invited you to join the chatroom, “Camp Winnewauk 1994”. Do you accept the invitation? Y/N
<TheAmazingShielaD> Um, OK. I mean… yes?
Invitation accepted. You are now being transferred to the chatroom, “Camp Winnewauk 1994), user TheAmazingShiela.
<TheVoidThatKills> Hello, little She.
<TheAmazingShielaD> Um, hi there. Do I know you?
<TheVoidThatKills> Oh, we’ve known each other for a very long time.
<TheAmazingSheilaD> Well that’s nice but where do I know you from? Work?
<TheVoidThatKills> I’m so glad you accepted my friend request, little She. That makes this all voluntary. Or at least, voluntary enough.
<TheAmazingSheilaD> So like…. is it high school? Did I go to high school with you?
<TheVoidThatKills> Oh no. We met long before that. It’s so good to see you, little She.
<The AmazingSheilaD> Stop calling me that! The only person who is allowed to call me that is my Dad.
<TheVoidThatKills> Ah, yes. Your dear father. So pleasant to talk to. He’s the one who told me all about you.
<The AmazingSheilaD> Bullshit. That’s impossible.
<TheVoidThatKills> And why is that?
<The AmazingSheilaD> Because he’s been dead for over a decade, asshole.
<TheVoidThatKills> Oh, that. Well let’s just say I have known your father for a very, very long time, little She.  And I’ve known you for even longer. In fact, I have known you since the day you were born.
<The AmazingSheilaD>  Bullshit. You’re just some rando creeper who thinks he’s a big deal because he can put on this little act.
<TheVoidThatKills> Oh I am so much more. Remember your 8th birthday party, when you hugged your Uncle Stevie so hard that you peed a tiny bit, and you were so scared that everyone would notice but nobody did?
<The AmazingSheilaD> How could you…
<TheVoidThatKills> And that time you got mad at Tina Banks and stole the front tire off her bike and threw it in the river? And everyone thought it was bike thieves and you never got caught?
<The AmazingSheilaD> You can’t possibly know that. Nobody saw me.
<TheVoidThatKills> I saw you, little She. I’ve been watching you since you were very little. I know everything about you, little She.
<The AmazingSheilaD> STOP CALLING ME THAT. And you don’t know me!
<TheVoidThatKills> Don’t I? I even know about all the times you peeked inside your baby brother’s diaper to look at his penis, trying to figure out what it was.
<The AmazingSheilaD> SHUT UP. You can’t know these things. It’s impossible.
<TheVoidThatKills> Oh but I do. I know them because I have been with you. Watching you. Protecting you. Caring for you, in my own special way.
<The AmazingSheilaD> Protecting me from what?
<TheVoidThatKills> Oh, many things. Remember that time Tabitha Parker said she was going to beat you up after class, but she got sick and had to go home instead?
<The AmazingSheilaD> You’re saying that was you?
<TheVoidThatKills> Indeed. And that time you forgot your bag at school and it started raining really hard and your jacket was in your bag and just when it looked like you would have to walk home in rain, a kindly gentleman with a friendly smile gave you a ride home in his car?
<The AmazingSheilaD> It was so warm in the car. You mean that was you, too?
<TheVoidThatKills> In the flesh. Now do remember the day we met? It was a sunny summer day at Camp Winnewauk. You were mad at your parents because they made you put on a dress when you wanted to run around in just your shorts like the boys did. So you ran off when they weren’t looking, and ended up falling into the deepest part of Lake Winnewauk. Do you remember what happened then?
<The AmazingSheilaD> I felt some kind of force,  gentle and strong,  lift me into the air and carry me back to shore. It felt so warm…just like in your car, come to think of it. Not only did that force save me, but by the time I got to shore, my dress wasn’t even wet.
<TheVoidThatKills> And do you remember what happened then?
<The AmazingSheilaD> No. Wait…. yes. I heard a voice in my head say “You are one of mine now. And I will love you and protect you until the day I need you. ”
<TheVoidThatKills> And that day has come, little She. Today is the promised day when you pay me back for all my loving kindness by coming with me to be my bride. Are you ready to go?
<The AmazingSheilaD> I don’t know. This is all so sudden. How do I know any of this is real and not just some sick trick someone is playing on me.
<TheVoidThatKills> Ah yes. The demonstation. They always need a demonstration. Very well. Look to your left and tell me what you see.
<The AmazingSheilaD> Nothing. Well, my cat Tommy.
<TheVoidThatKills> That’s it. Keep watching Tommy because he just learned a new trick that he wants to show you. Are you watching? Good. Abracadabra, alakazam, 1… 2… 3… and PRESTO!
<The AmazingSheilaD> WTF DID YOU DO TO TOMMY? Where did he go??
<TheVoidThatKills> Do you like his little trick? He’s learned how to disappear! Right before your very eyes!
<The AmazingSheilaD> Bring him back, you asshole!
<TheVoidThatKills> Oh don’t worry, I haven’t hurt him. I just put him somewhere for a little while;. He’s perfectly safe.
<The AmazingSheilaD>I said BRING HIM BACK.
<TheVoidThatKills> Oh very well. 3…2…1..,poof!
<The AmazingSheilaD> Oh Tommy, Tommy…. did the bad man hurt you? I guess not, because you’re purring like crazy.
<TheVoidThatKills> See? I told you he was fine. In fact, I think he likes me.
<The AmazingSheilaD> Okay, you’ve made your point. Now what?
<TheVoidThatKills> Now you make a choice. Either give me what I am due by coming with me to be my Queen, or reject my offer and return to your current life working a job you hate and going on dates with creeps.
User TheVoidThatKills has invited you to “Depart this realm to be my Queen”. Do you accept his invitation?
TheAmazingShielaD has left the chat. 

I’d love to tell you that I landed a gig on UpWork today, but I can’t.

Because I landed two! Insert slot machine win sound effect clip here.

I got both the writing texting-based stories gig (told you my story was scary) and the gig being some lonely person’s online companion.

The companion gig pays $11\hour and that is,honestly, too little. i am pretty sure the clients will be paying a hell of a lot more than that. But it’s a startup working an entirely new business model which may well belly flop into the pit of Startups That Become Stopdowns, so I am willing to go with it.

At least until. like I said before, I build up a loyal clientele and become the most popular and beloved companion, and then it will be time to renegotiate.

It’s such a great gig for me because I feel like I have inadvertentky been training for it by being fluffy lovable Fruvous online for oh, more than 20 years.

So I am quite confident that I can rock that job if I can just make it through the awkward initial stage when I am still learning the ropes.

Then again, seeing as this is, as far as I know, a totally new business model, absolutely nobody will know what they are doing at first. It’s not like there are old veterans who cna teach me how to do it. We will all be winging it.

I can live with that. That kind of makes it more fun. I get to sort of invent the job as I go and I don’t have to worry that I am not doing it the way I am ‘supposed” to be doing it.

I like having that kind of freedom. I would rather be governed by my own sensitivity and personality than some goddamned book of rules any day.

:Like a lot of creative types,. I am not big on rules. I mean. I’m no anarchist – I believe in the necessity of rules and methods for enforcing them – but on a personal level, I am only comfortable in environments where the rules and my natural sense of manners and ethics are more or less the same.

I remember the first time I read through the list of rules for some message board and realized they all covered shit I would never do any way and therefore I did not need to think about them at all.

To me, they pretty much all boiled down to, “don’t be an asshole”. No problem.

It’s like when I first read Dale Carnegie’s “How To Win Friends And Influence People”, and realized it all boiled down to listening to people, seeing things from their point of view, and in generel being polite, sincere, and respectful.

By those terms, I am already a social genius. Or at least, I have the potential to be one if I can get rid of enough of my excess baggage from all my social damage.

The other gig, the writing in texting form gig, should not be too hard for me. Amy, the lady in charge of it, has given me till next Monday to finish it.

Which is hilarious, because I could have had it for her today if she’d wanted. As is, I am probably going to write it tomorrow afternoon. Tomorrow evening at the latest. And won’t she be surprised at how fast I can work.

In fact, originally, I was going to make the job tonight’s blog entry, but my inner writer’s sense told me the ideas for it were not quite ready yet, so I punted it to tomorrow so I have more time to develop it in my mind.

But tomorrow for sure. I have a lot to prove and I intend on proving it as fast as I can, and one of the prime things I aim to prove is that I am amazingly talented and anyone who hires me should count themselves lucky to have found such a goddamned gem.

Plus, I have a lot of personality that needs to be expressed. I think in my natural state I would be one of those big guys with the big personality to match. The kind of guy everybody loves. even if he can be a little hard to take sometimes.

But like…. the arts world version of him. Hmmm.

I definitely think I would be way better at job interviews now than I was 20 years ago. I am fully aware of the power of my personality and how to use it now, and I am pretty sure I can overwhelm people with my charm and charisma if given the chance.

One of the best things about applying for things on UpWork is that it activates this other side of myself that has always been there but didnt usually see the light of day except when dealing with purely academic and/or intellectual things.

That side of me has total confidence. No self doubt at all. It’s the side of me that has caused me some trouble in my past because I state my opinions with such firmness of conviction that it tends to stifle debate.

I’ve got that under control now, more or less.

But the self-confidence it springs from is a highly valuable asset. Throw charm and charisma over it to blunt the rough edges, and you have the makings of someone who can really make a splash in the world of entertainment.

Lemme at’m, I’ll knock’em dead!

Metaphorically speaking, of course.

All I have to do is turn on the sweetness and charm and I bet I could make a lot of friends real fast because I am fun to be around. \

Funny how that works. People like to be around people who are fun to be around. Seems obvious but there’s a lot of people who do not see the connection, and go right on being unpleasant to be around while loudly complaining about how unfair it is that nobody wants to be around them.

Me, I figured it out at an early age. If anything,. I err in the opposite direction and act like I have to be super entertaining or people will leave me.

Remember, folks, that for every insanity, there is an equal and opposite insanity. And that the the opposite of insanity isn’t the opposite insanity, as tempting as it is to think so. The opposite of insanity is sanity, and that is much harder to achieve.

Because sabnity requires not only that we restrain ourselves, but that we look beyond the neurochemical landscape of conflict to see the middle road that leads away from the madness and into cool calm waters.

It’s not an easy route and it’s not a popular route, but it’s the right route.

And I do my best to follow it.

I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.