Today has not been fun, ’cause I am sick.

It started when I woke up around 11:30 am and realizes I was brutally hungry. As in, experiencing actual strong pangs of hunger.

Patient readers know that I am no stranger to extreme hunger and that it’s usually caused by my not eating enough and/or missing my meds.

But I had a totally normal breakfast and I was (and am) current on my meds, so that did not explain it this time.

What followed was a very rough half an hour of waiting for lunchtime to roll around. Yes, I am such a creature of habit (you know, like a nun) that even though I was in real pain and distress and possibly also in danger, having lunch half an hour earlier than I usually do was unthinkable to me.

That is really going to bite me in the ass some day, I know it.

But what the hell, I was not thinking straight due to the aforementioned agony.

Noontime finally comes and I make myself a hearty lunch and soon my hunger has been sufficiently silenced for me to notice that I still feel really awful.

Turns out, I was that hungry because my body had been burning through my blood sugar as it fought off whatever sort of infection I have picked up.

Joe is sick too, and we probably have the same thing.

The worst part is the muscle pain. My everything was sore. At first, when my mind was still somewhat fogged, I experienced this pain as a feeling of pressure all over my body, like I was being squeezed like a tube of toothpaste.

But once the fog lifted, I realized that what I was really feeling was the effects of a full body muscle ache like one sometimes gets from what used to be called an “ague” or a “grippe” but is now called “the flu”.

The old timey names are so much more fun.

The good news is that a) the ache has tapered off to a background level as the day has progressed and b) so far it is my only major symptom.

Consider what other horrors the flu can visit upon a person, I am very grateful for that,. I will take achey muscles over anything that causes a lot of fluid to come from orifices any day of the week.

So here is hoping my body is winning the war against this bug and things will not get worse before they get better

Because of Joe and I both being sick, we did not go out to eat with Felicity like we normally would on a Friday night, and that makes this whole flu thing but the latest a of long series of things to fuck with my supply situation.

Not going out means no stopping at 7-11, which means no opportunity to replenish my supplies, which means I am all out of my usual munchies and such.

I am beginning to think that all these random things fucking with my routines (no two alike) is the universe’s way of telling me I need to be more independant.

Were I more mobile and less agoraphobic, when I ran out of stuff I could just go to the nearby 7-11, a mere three blocks away, and take care of the situation myself instead of relying on others.

It would get me out of the apartment and into the fresh air and sunshine of the real world, plus I would get a little exercise while also proving to myself that I am not as incompetent, pathetic, and dependent as I often think I am.

Gee, with a sales pitch like that, who could resist?

Depression, that’s who.

But who knows. Maybe I will feel well enough to do it tomorrow afternoon. I hope so. I deserve to do something healthy for myself for a change.

But everywhere I turn, there’s my damage, holding me back, telling me no, giving me pain and sadness and despair when I try to escape this cage of mine.

I guess I need to learn to do things despite those feelings.

They are most likely bullshit feelings anyway. just more of depression’s bag of tricks designed to make sure it has me to itself forever.

I need to keep reminding myself that depression lies. That the part of me that predicts the results of various potential actions is highly corrupt and rarely if ever accurate and that it only stays in power by preventing me from ever testing its predictions.

After all, if I always believe it when it says something will lead to misery and therefore do not do said thing, I will never know if it was right. Right?

Meanwhile, I continue to be addicted to Slay the Spire. I don’t know why but the game is just plain fun. Especially now that I have discovered its fairly big mod scene, which includes a ton of different character classes to choose from, each with their own unique set of cards and rules resulting in a totally different gameplay experience.

So um, yeah. Probably going to be playing this one for a long long time.

Oh, and finally realized I was in a five week month earlier today. Which bummed me out for a while. But I should be fine assuming my GST check shows up soonishly. That will pay for that fifth week.

The fact that I did not have to shell out for dinner tonight will help too.

But even without that, I would be fine, because I have around $160 saved up on my reloadable visa thanks to getting two $75 checks for two years of taxes recently.

So I am fine, really. Hopefully, I will also get a cheque for the GST payments I missed in the previous fiscal year as well.

That could be as much as $500.

I wonder what the cheapest way to get home to visit the folks in PEI would be?

I miss my family so much and they are so very far away.

Hey look, human emotions.

I am always glad to see them when they show up.

I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.