More fun health stuff!
Woke up at around 9:30 am feeling
- incredibly, achingly hungry
- my skin is on fire level hot
- a full to bursting bladder
First, I just got up and peed. I do that a lot, especially lately. If anyone ever figures out a way to pee for a living, I’ll be rich.
Liquid gold indeed.
So I drained the main vein and lay back down and that’s when the hunger pangs hit me. I tried to ignore them but it was soon apparent that this was not an option as the pangs got worse and I was forced to conclude that I was having a Low Blood Sugar Incident.
So I got up and got some food and drink together and sat down in front of my trusty ol computer to eat it and it was not until then that I realize how hot I was.
And not in the sexy way, unless you have a fever fetish.
See, it had taken that long for me to figure it out because I wake up feeling very hot and sweaty quite often, especially in the spring and summer.
So it took me that long to realize it wasn’t going away.
Now, I have to face the fact that I am mostly likely sick again.
And that suuuucks because I very much want to go out to Denny’s for dinner with Le Gang tonight and do my usual shopping afterwards and fix my supply issues, god damn it, at least for the time being.
And that is why I am pondering doing something uncharacteristically selfish and irresponsible just not mentioning my being sick to anyone until after dinner and shopping are safely behind me,
After all, I don’t know for a fact that whatever I have is contagious. Could be something related to my many health issues. Odds are, I could do it and nobody would come to any harm as a result.
But of course I can’t actually do that. My conscience would be eating away at me the whole time and I would eventually blurt the whole thing out and then be really ashamed of myself. So that’s not a real option.
Nice to think about, though. Sigh.
The thing is, I can’t convince myself that I am OK now because I am still, at 2:14 pm, very hot, especially my head. And it doesn’t feel like a fever, exactly. It’s more like an inflammation of the skin.
And that’s not something I can just ignore. That’s not one of my usual symphony of symptoms. That’s a brand new player.
So, le sigh, I am going to have to tell everyone that I am sick AGAIN, just like last Sunday, and that I need Joe to do my shopping AGAIN, just like last Sunday, and I will be stuck at home while my friends have fun AGAIN, just like…. you get the idea.
Time to go tell Joe the bad news and make up a new shopping list.
This really sucking fucks.
Welp, here I am all alone in the apartment, wishing I was with my friends, feely lonely and left out and a tiny bit scared.
But I am always a tiny bit scared. It’s my minimum.
At least I have sushi on the way. Ordering in two nights in a row, how very!
It’s just the money I would have spent at Denny’s, anyway.
And of course, I don’t feel as bad now. I have been very slowly cooling off all day. I still feel pretty warm all over but it’s not nearly as bad as it was when last I blogged at you and even then, it was not nearly as bad as it was when I woke up at 9:30 AM.
I still have no idea WTF is going on. Is this an atypical fever? Some kind of allergic reaction to an unknown allergen? Some neurological bullshit from ym diabetes? Am I developing pyrokinetic abilities like the Human Torch?
Yeah, that’s p[retty much how I felt this morning.
Come to think of it, it kind of feels like a sunburn. But an invisible one, which can happen when it comes from certain forms of radiation.
Well then the answer is obvious. I have radiation poisoning.
Just kidding. That’s a horrible way to die. I shouldn’t joke about it.
But what the hell, I am in a crappy mood, and I need a way to vent.
At least I am admitting that I am in a lousy mood. That’s progress. I spent a lot of time denying almost all of my emotions and going around pretending I was some kind of angel that never is cranky or grumpy or even irritated.
Did such a good job of pretending that I even believed it myself. And it was not entirely bullshit. It really was rare for me to be in a bad mood.
As far as anyone knew. Including me. But the same feelings were there in me, I was just so emotionally amputated that I didn’t feel them consciously.
Now, I can at least tell myself that I am in a shitty mood. And, by blogging about it, I can tell you wonderful people as well.
The next step would be admitting it to others in realtime, starting with my therapist.
The problem is that deep down, I am convinced that people only put up with me because I am pleasant and friendly and entertaining and therefore that if I am ever even slightly less fun to be around, they willcome to their senses and realize what a horrible piece of shit I am, and flee screaming forever.
My own personal version of imposter syndrome, I suppose.
And don’t get me wrong. I am not some tortured circus animal forced to perform. I like being charming and silly and funny and deep with people.
But like I have said before, it’s only part of the real me. The facets I deem safe to show the world. What you see is real but it is by no means the full picture.
I like to pretend that is the real me. But it ain’t.
It’s just me shot from my most attractive angle.
I am so damn showbiz.
I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.