Took my sleeping pill (Mirtazapan) for the first time in ages this morning.

As expected, this led to me sleeping a LOT.

Hence my eating lunch at freaking 3 pm. I managed to sleep for six consecutive hours, which is good because I obviously needed it.

And I am still pretty damned sleepy, so I assume there’s more to come.

Oh well, I knew this would happen when I took it.

And it had to be done. My sleep has been atrocious lately. Just a scattering of one and a half to two hour naps over the course of a day.

So I did the smart, sane, adult thing and took my sleeping pill despite knowing I would be wiped out for the majority of today and would not like it.

Patient readers know I always hate it when I am sleepy all day because I don’t want to sleep all day, I want to have fun.

And I could try to emphasize the escapist element of the whole experience. Enjoy being able to completely avoid having to deal with life via sleep.

Like I always say, sleep is death without the commitment.

But I am way too afraid of getting to like that escape far too much, and ending up retreating even further from reality by trying to sleep all the time.

I have to be damned careful with my escapes. My escapist tendencies are very strong. So strong, in fact, that part of me wants to escape from life entirely.

Salvation for me, therefore, is found in persistence. Staying in the game instead of folding immediately so I can run away and hide.

And that takes courage. Grit. Character. Wherewithal. Call it what you like.

At this point in my life, I tend to only have that when I am angry.

Hulk smash, and all that.

That’s something to keep in mind when it feels like my escape addiction is pulling my back into the land of the dead again.

Speaking of which, it’s time for me to go back to sleep.

My recent resurrection

Slept a bunch more. Think I am up to around seven to eight hours now.

For me, that’s remarkable. For other people, sane healthy wholesome types, that’s normal. Natural, even.

But then, I have always been an unusual creature. Wild and strange and unearthly. A creature not entirely of this world. Uncanny wise, and more than passing strange.

Perhaps that’s the norm for us trickster types. Maybe we’re all moon children whose traps, tricks, and games are really just the only way we know how to relate to people.

If so, that’s pretty sad.

Anyhow, I feel better now. The sleepiness is mostly gone. There’s still a few cobwebs lingering in the hard to reach corners of my mind, but they are easily ignored.

Been playing lots of Skyrim, naturally. Play through a quest mod called Teldryn Serious which was fairly good.

And it worked, unlike other mods I have tried recently. I am seriously considering ripping out every single sex mod and everything else I can live without to see if I can make some of these mods actually freaking work.

Because the truth is, I rarely use the sexytimes stuff. I like having the option, though. It gives me a happy warm feeling to know there’s this world of horny fun at my fingertips.

It’s so much happier and friendlier than the real world. The whole world of pornography is like that. Gone are all the stupid barriers that keep us apart and people can be intimate with one another in a free and joyous way that I find quite beautiful.

Sexuality is pure and innocent. Childlike, even. It is only the filthy minds of those ultimate perverts we call “prudes”{{!}} that make it seem dirty.

In my utopia, people would be fucking as much as they wanted to, however they wanted to, whenever they wanted to. And without any guilt, shame, or inhibition.

Fucking is a perfectly natural, normal, ordinary thing to do, and people should feel shame about it any more than they feel shame about eating or sleeping.

So my guess is that there would be a lot of good, wholesome, healthy fucking going on. There would be areas set aside specifically for fucking, and in those areas, people would be free to fuck how (and who) they please.

I picture these areas as being sort of free floating orgies that function like a pick-up sports game. People drop in, play for as long as they like, and leave when they feel like it, no questions asked.

In fact, in my vision, human habitats would have fuck rooms just like they have bathrooms, and for the same reason.

Namely that wherever there is people, there is the need for a place for them to take care of their natural bodily needs.

And people need to fuck. It’s a deep biological drive, and the fact that unlike breathing or sleeping we can live without it doesn’t make it any less important to our wellbeing.

After all, we can survive without love, acceptance, romance, and the approval of our peers as well, but that doesn’t mean we can be healthy without them.

I could say more, but I have to write down something important now.

This is a little complicated, but here goes.

I lost the cap on my bottle of good ol’ Metformin. So I decided to google “metformin storage”. That brought me to an article that began with this :

IMPORTANT WARNING: Metformin may rarely cause a serious, life-threatening condition called lactic acidosis

And my mind instantly rewound to the last time I went to the ER and Doctor Andrew Smith told me real quick , at the very end of my examination, that technically my blood test showed very high lactic acid levels, and “that sometimes means you’ve had a serious infection, but there’s no other signs of one, so it’s probably no big deal. “

Not knowing how process this information, I just stored it away. Until now.

Turns out, high lactic acid levels can fucking kill you, and that doctor (Doctor Andrew Smith) was criminally negligent when he pretended they were no big deal so he could move on to other, more worthwhile patients who actually deserved to live.

Add in that my GP Dr. Chao recently told me that my blood tests showed unusual liver function and lactic acidosis specifically attacks the LIVER, and you can see why I am super pissed off right now.

Well I am sure as fuck not taking any more metformin, at least until I see Doctor Chao next Friday. In fact, I might just call him Monday to see if he can see me earlier.

I want him to test me specifically for this disorder and if it turns out that I really do have extremely high lactic acid levels and therefore lactic acidosis, I am going to report Doctor Andrew Smith (if that is his real name) to the Royal College of Surgeons and Physicians of BC for gross negligence.

And if that doesn’t get the results I want, I will sue the motherfucker for malpractice and take every goddamned penny he has.

This is the level of care fat people get, folks.

And it’s about time someone has to pay for it.

I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.

UPDATE : There are two Andrew Smiths in the Royal College’s directory.

One is a med student. So it’s probably not him. He definitely introduced himself as Doctor Andrew Smith and med students know not to EVER EVER do that.

So it’s probably this guy :

Name Andrew Joseph Smith

Registration Status Active, Practising FULL Family Practice

• Certification in the College of Family Physicians of Canada
• Certification in the College of Family Physicians of Canada – Added Competence in Emergency Medicine

Business Address
Get Directions SASAMAT PO
PO Box 72006 Rpo Sasamat
Vancouver, BC
V6R 4P2T: 709-749-6718

Gender M

MSP Number 82654

He has no regulatory actions against him.

That might be about to change.

Tell me, Doctor, what about me made you decide my life wasn’t worth saving?

[[1]] Think about it. Humans are a naturally horny species. We have a strong need to fuck. Therefore, the only unnatural sexuality is one that denies this. [[1]]