Once more, just now, I woke up feeling extra super crappy.
I feel so very very tired. And not in the healthy, relaxed, soft and sleepy way, oh no. In the sickly, physically depressed, tortuous way that makes me feel like I am dying, or at least fading away a little.
My chest is still scratchy and heavy. I feel dizzy and confused. It’s very hard to concentrate. I keep having to drag my focus back to my blogging.
As a result, the words, they are not coming easy right now. It’s like trying to write while a hot air balloon is trying to pull me away and into the sky.
Please pretend that made sense. Thanks.
90 percent sure I have some kind of bug. A chest cold, most likely. Which means I am going to have to stay home and not do my usual Sunday shopping and doing the McD’s hangout thing after.
And that’s going to cause logistical issues of much annoyingness. Sigh.
Specifically, it means I will have to do my usual Sunday shopping online. That’s not that big a deal in the long run. Mostly, it just means the usual hassle of not knowing how much of what I order will actually show up.
Ain’t that fun.
Whatever. These little hassles will pass. The important thing is to stay home, nurse my health, and not end up even sicker.
And speaking of medical issues, tomorrow I will have to face the Great Forgetting.
Because I am sure I have many more medical appointments in this new year and I do not remember aaaaany of them.
Really need to start using a calendar program for all this shit. Which will be a pain, but it’s better than missing a buttload of important appointments and getting snippy phone calls from various receptionists to boot.
I know there’s appointments related to my cataract surgery, my hernia repair, and my scalp condition. Plus I might have made an appointment with my GP.
Luckily, I know how to recover the information. Tomorrow I will call around to the various medical offices and ask them what appointments they have down for me.
And this time, I will write it all down, god damn it. Dunno why I didn’t do it before except for my usual tendency to get overwhelmed by stuff.
I really do need some kind of assistance with life. I clearly cannot cope on my own. I can admit that now.
I need help with staying focused and organized. I need help with remembering what I am supposed to be doing and I need help with cleaning up and keeping things clean.
And all the other things I am currently too tired, sick, and confused to do for myself.\
How I get this help is anybody’s guess. But I am done thinking it is impossible. There has to be a way to get the help I need.
Maybe I will do the unthinkable and actually contact my case worker. Or a case worker anyhow. I don’t think we get our own any more.
God forbid the system treat us as individuals on any level.
Or maybe I should Google up some disability advocates instead. They know how to work the system.
Point is, this shit is doable.
I refuse to confuse “difficult” or “scary” with “impossible” any longer.
I might have to do these things slowly, but they can be done, and I will do them.
More after the break.
A knack for cabinetry
My friend has a knack for cabinetry – he’s counter intuitive
it’s a pun! no really!
OK, so it needs work. The connection between cabinetry and counters is far too weak.
Anyhow, the counterintuitive thing is that not going out tonight turned out to be a lot of work. First I had to order my meal from KFC, then my 2Ls of Diet Pepsi from 7-11, then my weekly groceries from Sav-On Ironwood.
And that’s a lot of work, albeit mostly mental and emotional work.
I was originally going to do my biscuit oriented style meal from KFC, but decided to get my accustomed 4 piece Big Box instead and just throw in an order of biscuits.
Said biscuits are sitting on a shelf at the moment, awaiting my desire for them,
Should probably put them in the fridge, come to think of it, with the Diet Pepsi.
Wrangling together my Sav-On order is always a bit of a chore. Although it would have been a snap if I hadn’t forgotten that last time I ordered from them, I had added a lot of my usual products to my “favorites” on the site.
D’oh! That would have saved me a bunch of searching and scrolling!
Oh well, whatever. Next time, maybe.
I feel a little better than I did earlier, probably because I have some solid (if greasy) nutrition in me now plus I had a long nap between parts 1 and 2 of today’s entry.
Gonna nap some more after this, too. When you are sick, you can’t go wrong with getting plenty of hydration and sleep.
Hydration because your body goes through a lot of water as it heals or fights a bug. And sleep because that way, your body can use all its resources to fighting or healing without wasting any on superfluous things like consciousness.
That’s why you get so tired when you are sick. Your body is giving you a hint.
Hopefully I can nip this shit in the bud and get back to my usual level of not being quite as wretchedly ill.
And what the hell, the sick part of my mind will enjoy the excuse to check out of reality even moreso than usual.
Fuck all y’all, I’m hibernating. Wake me when life is easier. I am so fucking tired of driving with the parking brake on. I want to drive free like everyone else and thus finally get somewhere in life.
And the traffic better get the fuck out of my way if it knows what is good for it.
I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.