OK, here’s my psychological dramatis personae so far :

1. The Secular Messiah – My highest ideal self. He sees the world as filled with unnecessary barriers between people that keep them from seeing one another’s true humanity and understanding that we are all flawed, fragile creatures looking for the door into happiness and we all have far more in common than we have that is different and that if only we lower our guard, we can be human with one another at last and live in peace, harmony, and love. He’s sweet but he can be a bit much.
2. The Ogre – AKA The New Guy. Pretty much pure aggressive id. Think Mister Hyde but more intelligent and devious. This is the side of me that wants to use all my gifts to crush all who oppose him and take whatever the fuck he wants by whatever means strike his savage fancy. A barbarian king who wants to rape the world and make it like it. New to the group but making serious waves. Home to all the reptile brain urges for sex, money, and power that I have long suppressed. Not someone you want to cross, or even be around.
3. The Sly Trickster – My oh so clever side. Devious and tricky and a master of illusion, in love with his own cleverness and glorying in the feeling of intellectual superiority over all those slow witted fools he could cheat blind without even trying. Full of mocking contempt and derisive sarcasm and a deep and terrible bitterness about the loneliness and isolation of living in a stupid, stupid world where nobody understands him and he can’t relate to anyone. Dangerous due to his mercurial nature and constant need to prove how smart he is.
4. Big Mama – My big sloppy gooey sentimental side. The side that wants to hug the world and soothe its nerves and help it unburden its stresses so it can relax. Affectionate, loving, caring, and incredibly sentimental, Big Mama longs to look after people and comfort and protect them. She’s always ready with a hug and a cookie and a sympathetic ear. Effusive and compassionate. Does things in big waves of emotion. A tad smothering, perhaps, but a really nice lady.
5. The Dark Master – Think somewhere between Hannibal Lecter and Emperor Palpatine. Ruthless in pursuit of his long term goals. A player of pawns and master of manipulating circumstance to his advantage. Fully aware of how much more of the board and how many more moves ahead he can think than the average person and completely willing to use that to maximum advantage. Patient as a spider in its web and as fixated on his distant goals as a snake is on its prey. And just as coldblooded because all his pleasures are cold. The cold satisfaction of advancing towards your goals, the icy thrill of bending people to your will, the snow-slick satisfaction of watching hotheaded fools reap the whirlwind from their own sentimentality and lack of self-discipline. Not necessarily evil – those distant goals might well involve the betterment of society – but definitely not nice.
6. The Motley Clown – Anything for a laugh. Silly, clumsy, goofy, and charming, he will seduce you with disarming wit, self-deprecating humour, and being just plain cute. Like a flop-eared puppy, his affection and enthusiasm are contagious and impossible to resist. Not inclined towards fidelity as he just wants someone to charm and get affection and nurturing from. That doesn’t mean there aren’t people he loves like the dickens, it just means that if they aren’t around, he will go find an audience somewhere else. A bundle of happiness and joy, but don’t get attached.
7. The Seeker – Intuitive and insightful and deeply deeply sensitive. A gazer into abysses and contemplater of infinitities and seeker of the deepest kinds of truth. A philosopher, a scientist, a scholar, and a monk, all wrapped into one. Driven by a deep desire to understand. Determined to figure it all out. Shockingly more successful at it than most seekers. Possessor of deep secrets and powerful truths. Fascinating to listen to but unearthly strange and a tad unnerving to be around. Knows an uncomfortable amount about the world. One freaky dude.
8. The world’s only Secular Humanist Mystic Poet – A soothsayer without a god, a prophet without inspiration, and a receptacle for knowledge sent by nobody. A seemingly highly rational (to a fault) individual who nevertheless can tap into a deep layer of the zeitgeist and shape its substance into words. Writes in a semi-transcendent state where nothing is planned and the words and images come to him unbidden and he just does his best to keep up with them. Does not always understand what he has written, just knows that it feels “right”. Wants to be understood but it’s far from his top priority.
9. The Soapbox Activist – My shouty strident side, AKA the Tortured Visionary. This side of me really identifies with Cassandra and all other doomed soothsayers. This guy can see more of the board and more of the future and more of the hazards coming our way than everybody else and drives him crazy. He wants to mount a soapbox in the busiest part of the town square and scream “WAKE UP!” into a megaphone till he passes out. Not only does his telescopic vision drive him crazy, so does the constant tension of trying to put his visions into words. Treat with caution because if you let him go too far, his mind will break and he will descend into frothing lunacy. Not for the faint of heart. Heck of an orator, though.
10. This Guy Named Michael – The tiny fragment of me that is the host to that cadre of nutballs and who is a fairly normal, average, regular type Canadian guy who grew up in an obscure pocket of the Maritimes and occasionally gets nostalgic for Mister Dressup and Switchback and who doesn’t know if Canada is the best country in the world, but its the best in his eyes and always will be, eh?

That’s the main ones, anyhow.

Standard disclaimer : these are not separate personalities, I don’t have DID or MPD, I am not that kind of crazy. This is just a step in the process of my figuring out how to unite all my sides into a single identity. Step one, enumerate the problem.

Everybody got that? Good.

I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.