Congratulations! You are now the lucky owner of a top of the line purebred Fruvous, and have many years of enjoyment and quality companionship with this fascinating and highly rewarding breed. You will loves its wit, its intelligence, its cuddly nature, and its love of being by your side no matter what. You will never find a more loyal, affectionate, and sensitive pet no matter where you look!
But they are not low maintenance. Fruvous fanciers describe their beloved pets as “high maintenance but worth it ten times over”, and who are we to disagree?
The following guide, then, is designed to help you, the new Fruvous owner. understand and meet your new pet’s needs so that the both of you can get the most out of your brand new bonding experience.
Let’s begin with the basics.
Care and Feeding
The bad news is that your new pet has a fairly large appetite. The Fruvous is a highly energetic species and all that energy has to come from somewhere.
The good news is that they are not fussy eaters. They can and will eat almost anything you eat and are just as happy with cheap fast food and dollar store mac and cheese as they would be with filet mignon and lobster thermadore.
That said, they don’t eat absolutely everything.
The big no-no is seafood. They will turn up their nose at anything even vaguely fishy. The rule is, if it has gills, skip it.
The other things make for an eclectic mix and this is where their completely untrue reputation for being fussy eaters comes from.
For example, they do not like and will not eat blueberries, cheesecake, ham, Twinkies. or Wonder Bread.
If there is a pattern to these aversions, we at FCS (Fruvous Central Services) would like to hear about it.
Grooming and Hygiene
This is where the “high maintenance” part kicks in.
Your Fruvous requires a fair bit of grooming and cleaning in order to keep being the cheerful, adorable creature you first fell in love with.
However, this need not be a burden. In fact, experienced Fruvous owners universally report that the time they spend with their pet grooming and cleaning them rapidly became the highlight of their day due to how much the Fruvous enjoys being groomed and how it often brings their playful and affectionate nature to the forefront.
Left on their own, their self-grooming is often neglected due to their happy go lucky nature and curiosity getting the better of them, and their beautiful coat becomes greasy and knotted and their pores clogged and unhealthy.
At no point will your Fruvous complain about this. They are intensely loyal to their owners and won’t want to bother you with their problems, so it will be up to you, the owner, to keep an eye on their health and wellbeing as they will almost never tell you.
But sure, ignore and neglect them. They won’t ever complain.
You will just have to look into those sad little eyes and know that it is all your fault.
More after the break
Keeping your Fruvous chipper
The most important ingredient in keeping your Fruvous’ tail wagging is cuddles.
When we say this breed is affectionate, we need it. Your Fruvous needs a lot of physical affection, especially during the initial bonding period.
After successfully bonding with your Fruvous, he will know that you love him and so his need for physical reassurance will lessen and you will be able to get away with the occasional heartfelt hug or pat on the head to keep him happy.
But do not think this means you can ignore him most of the time. The Fruvous breed is extremely sensitive to being ignored and needs your attention in order to feel validated.
This need is so strong that your Fruvous might even begin to uncharacteristically act out in order to get that attention.
Acting out behaviours such as leaving messes in prominent places, hiding important objects. and making sarcastic comments during your favorite Netflix shows are not unheard of with this breed.
Luckily, the solution is simple. If these behaviours do crop up, simply find your Fruvous and gives them a big hug and tell them you are sorry for neglecting them and then spend some time giving them the hugs, cuddles, and scritches they need so much.
You will have your happy, waggy, silly little fluffball back in no time.
Fruvous and sex
Of course, all this “physical affection” business includes sex.
He IS a fox, after all.
And as your companion he is almost always up for a good time. In fact, if he ever turns you down for sex, you should immediately check to see if he’ s sick.
And he is quite open to most forms of sex. He will try anything once and loves to make you happy so he is perfectly willing to do something he’s not that into if it gives you pleasure you will treasure.
There is one unbreakable rule, however.
Absolutely nothing that involves violence, real or stylized. Sorry, kinksters. If you want a BDSM fucktoy, get a Doberman.
They are freaky as fuck.
To your Fruvous, violence is the exact opposite of sex. To him, sex is intimate and sweet and affectionate. Even when it gets hot n’ heavy, you will still need to be careful not to make him doubt that you love, value, and appreciate him or he might go cold at very inconvenient moments.
To sum up
As you can see, responsibly owning a Fruvous requires a great deal of time and energy on your part, so please do not even consider adopting one if you are not willing or able to make that kind of commitment.
The rewards, however, justify the cost. In return for your efforts, a properly looked after Fruvous will provide many years of high quality companionship.
You will never find a more entertaining, loyal, affectionate, intelligent, and above all lovable pet than a well maintained Fruvous.
You are about to embark upon a wonderful, wonderful journey.
And I should know – because I’m a Fruvous too.
I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.