In other words, proprioception.
It’s the sense we have as to where our limbs and joints are in relation to one another, and it’s a vital part in how we manage that complex feat of routine acrobatics scientists call “bipedal locomotion” but the average person calls, “walking”.
Don’t think walking is complicated? Ask the people trying to teach a robot to do it. They have been trying for over a century and we are still nowhere even vaguely close.
Just think about that. Something any toddler can do but computers cannot.
Anyhow, that’s proprioception, and mine is busted.
Not entirely, thank Dog, or I wouldn’t even be able to get out of bed. But it doesn’t work so good any more.
Ditto with my spatial awareness, in particular the part where you sense where the objects around you are located so that you can avoid bumping into them.
That’s kinda fucked up in me too.
Between these two malfunctions lies the secret of why I keep bumping into things, knocking objects off of surfaces, pushing objects into other objects which push into other objects, and in general being even more of a spazz than usual.
These are all classic signs of neurological degeneration, by the way.
Food for thought.
And this degeneration is really getting me down. Not just because of the dire implications for my future health, but because not being able to navigate one’s environment without wreaking accidental havoc is really fucking depressing.
It makes me feel so helpless and lost. Like I can’t even trust reality enough to be sure things won’t seemingly fly off of tables and shelves or that it won’t seem like gravity doesn’t always follow the same rules.
Oh right. I should also mention my vestibular system, otherwise known as one’s “sense of balance”. Because that’s fucked up too.
Hence the dizziness, which is back with a vengeance. I have to assume now that every time I get up and go to the kitchen or living room, I am going to arrive there VERY dizzy and have to spend time just waiting for the room to level out again.
Add it all up and add that subtotal to the ongoing weakness in my legs, and all that comes with that, and you can see why I am worried about my general health.
That, in turn, can mean only one thing : I have to go back to see Doctor Chao again, and this time actually read him the goddamned Riot Act and put the fear of God into him about my health emergency and get him to take it seriously.
My condition keeps getting worse and if something isn’t done to stop the process soon, I’ll be in a wheelchair by Christmas at the latest and the morgue by this time next year.
Personally, I am beginning to wonder if it isn’t our old friend, lactic acidosis.
Remember that one? Long time ago now.
But I had been to the ER and the doctor in charge of me came to me with a big group of his friends at around 5 pm or so and told me that everything checked out normal EXCEPT that I had very high lactic acid levels, BUT that it would probably go away on its own and if they took it seriously I would have to spend a lot more time in the hospital and I didn’t want THAT, DID I?
I said, ” I guess not…” and off he went to, I assume, have a night out with his friends.
Fast forward to my next visit to Doctor Chao and I tell him about the incident and I specifically ask him to order a lactic acid blood test on me.
Fast forward again to the next visit, and Doc Chao comes into the examination room all bouncy and chipper, and I pointedly ask him about the results ot the lactic acid test on my blood, “because you didn’t forget all about it. DID YOU?”.
And this clearly caught him totally by surprise, and in a strangled voice he said, “Oh, it was fine. Perfect, even. Just where it should be. ”
I curse myself for believing him.
And that was many years ago. Years in which high lactic acid levels could very well have been eating away at my muscles and nerves.
Causing the very symptoms I have been experiencing ever since.
If that theory turns out to be true, I am going to put at least two doctor’ asses in a sling and sue them for all they are worth before this shit finally kills me.
Oh, and did you know that one of the causes of lactic acidosis is Metformin, a drug I have been on for 20 years?
Interesting, isn’t it?
More after the break.
Oh, and because I forgot to say it earlier : Super-calla-frag-a-listic-Lactic-Acidosis!
There. I feel…. complete now.
Also : Um diddle iddle liddie um dilly aye!
Kinda amazed and pleased with how much I wrote in part 1. It goes to show how when I have a story to tell that is more or less already written in my head, the actual writing of it feels effortless because I am not constantly figuring out what to say next.
There has to be a way to harness this power. Some way to increase my output by pre-writing stories in my head.
I dunno. Sounds like a lot of work,and pressure, and those kill my creativity, so perhaps I should leave well enough alone.
What I could really use is to find a way to take life less seriously,. I know that a flexible, playful attitude towards life is much healthier in the long run.
And I certainly have some of the ingredients. I can even be that way… as Fruvous.
But as myself, I am far too serious for my own good. Life is real and so are the consequences and bad shit can happen at any time, and that makes me paranoid and in my own way hyper vigilant.
Life IS serious, and I don’t know how to escape that.
Even though I know I would be better off if I did.
I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.