Melba. Ha ha-ha ha. (SFX : Clinking glasses, a smattering of indulgent laughter)
But seriously, folks. There is something important I have to tell you.
I really fucking missed toast.
See, up until today, I thought making toast was off limits to me because it involved either standing around waiting for the toaster to pop (not an option) or going to the living room and sitting on my couch until I hear the toast pop up.
I didn’t think that was an option either. Seemed like too much work to have to go to the living room and back just for toast, not to mention the effort of sitting down then getting back up again when the toast is done.
These are the kinds of calculations you have to do when you’re a cripple.
But today, I am feeling extra perky and energetic, probably because of the weather. It is sunny and gorgeous out there in the Sunlit Lands Above, and that usually puts me in a good mood, all else being equal.
So I decided that to hell with it, I am going to get me some toast. Loaded up the toaster, dialed it to my desired level of toastedness, and pressed the lever.
Then I went to the living room and sat down for a bit.
And you know what? Subjectively at least, it didn’t take that long. And the trip back and forth was not that big a deal.
I don’t know if I will feel the same on days when I am not all jazzed up on solar energy, but for today at least, I got toast.
And that makes me happy.
Fun fact : the reason toast tastes so much better than bread is that the toasting process pushes some of the natural sugars found in bread to the surface of the bread, where the heat caramelizes it.
This is also why toasting bread changes its color.
Ain’t science cool?
Now I know what you’re thinking.
Are wombats just bats with wombs?
But you’re also wondering if I have considered that I might have Seasonal Affective Disorder? I mean, if sunshine makes me this happy, it’s a possibility, right?
And I have considered it. I even bought an SAD treatment kit that was basically your basic makeup mirror with built in lighting but the lighting was full spectrum.
And I tried it once. Was surprised that the light was blue, but then again, so is the sky, so if the idea is to replicated a sunny day, mission accomplished.
And it felt kinda nice on my face. But then my face got too hot, so I turned it off.
Then completely forgot about the damned thing, leaving it to disappear into the untamable morass of my belongings, never to be seen again.
How very…. sad.
So the idea that I have SAD is still very much alive. And by golly, if how good I feel today isn’t enough reason to take the bull by the horns and solve this, nothing is!
But it isn’t enough.
Because nothing is.
I am dangerously dead on the inside and it makes progress impossible.
And so all I can do is rot in place.
And by golly, if THAT isn’t reason enough…
You get the idea.
More after the break.
A little fall
Got myself some Burger King tonight.[1]Went to the door to get it. Damn it, it was the drink and a small bag.
I have been lucky lately in that all my recent orders have come in a big bag with the drink inside it. Makes it so much easier to just pick up and carry.
So what then follows is a slap-schtick routine of me trying to reach down and pick up the bag and the drink without falling over.
Also, randomly but pleasantly, a new neighbor named Michelle introduced herself to me. I like people who are friendly like that.
And frankly, I envy them. I wish I could be perky and chipper and approachable.
But my virtues lie elsewhere.
Anyhow, I got my stuff, and made it back to my room with it.
Carried the drink (Diet Coke, natch) by very carefully placing it in one of the side bags of my walker then very VERY carefully piloting it to my room.
Kind of amazed that worked, to be honest,.
But alas, I choked at the finish line. I was two feet from my computer chair when disaster struck. I was not paying attention while trying to transfer my drink from my walker to my desk. got my feet all tangled up in the legs of the walker, and down I went, Diet Coke flying all over.
Luckily, I landed on my built in crash pad AKA my butt. So no real harm was done, although my legs are not happy with me.
When I tried to get up on to my feet after my little spill, my legs did not seem to want to hold me up. I therefore had to get up via a more indirect route.
I would describe said route but it would take me a lot of words and it would read like a technical manual, so, mebbe not.
So I am a little worried about my legs. I hope I can stand up once I have rested them a while by lying in bed.
Otherwise, well, it’s the god damned ER for me again.
After all, my legs refusing to hold my weight was what landed me there last August.
Of course, nobody knows or cares WTF that was. So there is no reason it couldn’t happen right out of the blue again.
If so, well, I have a hospital to terrify into competence.
I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.