This is me : Duncan and Eddie
I highly recommend that webtoon. I am going through the archive and I am loving it.
Basically, in that scenario, I’m a Duncan (goat) who is built like an Eddie (gator).
I am so glad I have friends who understand me. Though I am quite sure that now and then I have put them in that exact position.
Especially when I going on about science. 🙂
Because I am crazy
It’s easy for most people to grasp what is wrong with the more severely and obviously insane that match the old-fashioned cartoonish notion of the lunatic.
“That poor man, he thinks he’s a dog. ”
“That poor woman, she sees spiders everywhere. ”
“That poor politician, he thinks tax cuts pay for themselves. ”
But it is a lot harder for people to imagine my kind of crazy. It’s far more subtle, and involves fears and aversions that don’t make sense and are very hard to convey, and yet they bind me and freeze me in place like invisible chains made of steel and ice.
This is why I didn’t get angry or upset when my former roommate, Eamon Jones, told me that he didn’t think I was crazy, I just thought I was.
Eamon is brilliant at building movie props and has an ability to follow his passion that I envy, but he is not that deep.
Of course, one could argue that thinking you are crazy when you are not is, in fact, a form of being crazy, but let’s not go there.
It gets annoyingly meta real fast.
But suffice it to say I knew and understood Eamon well enough to know he meant no harm when he said that, he was just being his earnest, blunt Aries self.
I miss that guy sometimes.
Nevertheless. I am very self-conscious about not being able to “prove” or explain why I can’t do what normal people do.
Which is why I need to constantly remind myself that I am crazy. Mentally ill. Sick in the head. And that means I do, say, and believe a lot of really crazy things.
Like that everybody hates me and only tolerates me out of pity and that they all wish I would just crawl off and die somewhere so they wouldn’t have deal with me any more.
Gee, I wonder where I got that idea. Oh right… my entire childhood.
And I know, intellectually, that said belief is beyond ludicrous. That when people look at me they do not see me the same way I do, as some hateful disgusting creature too vile to even think about.
They see a fairly average big fat dude and nothing more. At the risk of developing imposter syndrome, one might even say I have them fooled.
They have no idea that a wizard walks among them. One with powers well beyond their understanding, and tricks to dazzle the most jaded of minds.
Now if only I wasn’t too crazy to use all that.
More after the break.
Annonces en Francais
OK, this is meta-bugging me, because it’s not only bugging me, it’s bugging me how much it is bugging me.
But for some reason, more than 50 percent of the ads I get on YouTube these days are in French for some reason.
And, as I discovered back when I would watch shows on CBFT (French language CBC) back home on PEI, somehow nattering TV ad voiceovers are like 20 percent more irritating in French.
And not just because I don’t speak the language any more, either. I think it’s because I have had a lifetime to get used to fake enthusiasm and chumminess and all that from English announcers but I have almost no resistance to the same thing in French.
That, and a lingering feeling that at any second, the male announcers are join to nudge me with their elbow and do the dirty French “oh ho ho HO, eh?” laugh.
Well, the dirty French CANADIAN laugh.
Like their entire ad is actually some elaborate innuendo I don’t get.
Plus, for meaningless colloquial reasons, there is something jarring about hearing a lovely female French voice telling me sweetly to shop at Wal-Mart.
Yes, I of all people have reason to know how the Anglo-North American association of the French language with sophisticated high culture is total bullshit.
I mean, I’ve heard drunks arguing loudly over whose turn it is to do the beer run in French. Trust me, it ain’t the language of love then.
But I can’t help it. It still sounds wrong to me.
I keep paying
Well, I tried and failed to resolve my issues with Pay Power and my usual credit cards today. And I am beginning to panic a little.
The grim possibility of having to go through life sans credit card has reared its ugly head and I really don’t like the look on its face.
It would mean I couldn’t order in any more except from places like Pizza Hut that, miracle of miracles, still take cash at the door.
But that’s OK, I spend too much ordering in anyhow.
And it would mean I could not order things from Amazon any more, and that would truly suck. Nothing I get from there is completely irreplaceable but I am going to have to scramble to find another source for sesame sticks.
Bulk Barn, maybe?
When I called the Power of Pay today, I got the same bullshit about “this requires a Level 2 and none are available right now” yada yada.
And I know it’s bullshit, because when I asked the guy on the phone when the Level 2 people WOULD be available, he was completely surprised, did not have an answer, and instead changed the subject.
He suggested I uninstall and reinstall the app. Tried that, didn’t work.
He also suggested I email PayPower tech support. This I have done, but I hold faint hope for this possibility paying off any time soon because their auto-reply promises to get back to me within two business days.
And the next business day is next Wednesday, the 27th of December, five days from now. So I probably won’t hear from them till Thursday or Friday.
And for all I know, they will bullshit me about Level 2 operators to.
“We apologize, but we are unable to process your issue without clearance from a Level 2 support manager, and none of them are available because they’re mythical. ”
I am not a happy camper.
Especially because this means that whatever little comforts I get myself for Xmas Eve in only to make it through the loneliest and (for me) most dangerous night of the year are going to have to be paid for in cash.
Which limits my options considerably.
Why does this kind of thing always happen to me on a weekend?
I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.