I think part of me is still one day behind. It feels more like Sunday than Monday to me, and I did a somewhat serious article over the last few days, so I figure I’t tome to let my literary hair down and just gab.
This weekday dysphoria is only exacerbated by the fact that my dear friend and roomie Joe is off work for spring break now. He works as a janitor for the local school board, and they have one of those fun rules that says you are only allowed to take your vacation days while the kids are also out of school (efficient, but also kind of dickish, don’t you think?), so he has to take his time off during spring break, Christmas, and so forth.
So instead of packing off to work at 10:30 PM like he usually does (poor dear works !1pm to 6am Sundays through Thursdays…. night shift work sucks), Sunday and today he has been hanging out in his pajamas (or is it pyjamas?) and taking it easy. I am happy to have him around more, but it does throw my already very weak link with “the world” into further confusion.
This, I don’t need. What’s next, having to go outside for stuff? Perish the thought.
On the personal front, as I have mentioned, I have been hunting the surprisingly fertile grounds of OKcupid, looking for a man, and so far I have gotten just the one nibble, but he seems like a cool guy. I read his profuile and messaged him, and he messaged me back, so I messaged him back, and now I am like the old-fashioned image of the girl waiting by the phone for the boy she is interested in to phone her, waiting for him to message me again.
(Modern gals have it so much easier with cell phones. Sure, you are still going to be driving yourself insane worrying and waiting and wondering if he’ll call and concocting all kinds of scenarios in your head for why he hasn’t called yet, from the “maybe he lost his cell phone” end all the way to “oh my guy, he died in a horrible accident” or “he decided he hates me and is too busy throwing up at the thought of me to even dial” level of insanity), but at least you can leave the house and run errands and stuff. )
Exploring the likely matches on OKcupid has been pretty fun. Part of the process of getting so I can do this and not give up right away like I normally do has been giving myself permission to reject men for whatever reason I want to reject them. Normally, before this little psychosocial stepping stone was traversed, I was not self-confident enough to think I had the right to reject anyone for any reason at all (how I can reject anyone when I am worse than everyone?), but even more than that, I felt guilty for rejecting them. I have been rejected plenty in my life, and it sucks, so it makes me very sensitive to the exclusion of others in any way.
But realistically, it’s not like I am rejecting these guys to their faces or telling them they suck. I am just not choosing to contact them, and clicking a button so they won’t show up in my searches any more. They will never know I even looked at their profiles. Nor would they want to! I certainly have no desire to see how many men checked out my profile and didn’t pick me.
I mean, what’s wrong with those people? Can’t they tell how awesome I am?
I have to admit, some of the things I read on people’s profiles just makes me shake my head and think “Wow, and you just admit that, right here, in the open?”. No doubt, others would say the same of my profile. But some of these fellows… oy.
In fact, it’s very tempting to post links to and exerpts from some of the more outrageous and/or entertaining of the profiles, but that would be very wrong of me, to hold some poor individual up to ridicule just to amuse myself and my lovely, handsome, intelligent, and above all sexually dynamic readers.
And I can’t fool myself into thinking “Well, as long as I don’t include any user names, nobody will know who I am talking about, right?” because someone could easily just Google the text and find their profile.
So, no war stories from the trenches of romantic warfare, as fun as that might be.