Shit, I have a goddamned motherfucker of a swearing problem.

Anyhow, I cleared up the issue of why I couldn’t register. As it turns out, I need to place a $250 deposit down each semester, and they haven’t gotten mine yet.

I assume everyone has to do that, although given how long it took me to pay them for last semester, I wouldn’t blame them for not trusting me so much.

And that’s not a problem. It just means I will have to tell Tila that she won’t be getting her $400 back any time soon. Back when I thought everything was settled, I told her I would mail her a check.

Which seems silly. There has to be a less archaic way of doing it than snailmail and checks!

Anyhow, I will need that $, so, no returning it just yet. I will use it to pay this deposit. Luckily, doing that doesn’t involve any insane and seemingly arbitrary administrative delays, so I should have the problem fixed fairly soon.

I am sure Tila will understand.

The only reason it isn’t already solved is that right now, the money is in financial limbo. It has definitely left my checking account, but it hasn’t arrived on the credit card yet.

That makes me nervous. I will be calmer when the money finally lands, and I can use the credit card to pay my deposit like I did the last time.

Every step of this process has been met with unpredictable delays. I would love to be able to say I have gotten used to it now. But to be honest, it’s beginning to fray my nervous.

Then again, I have a liter of Diet Coke in me, so it might be that. Too.

Oh, and get this : if I want to see if it landed yet, I have to use the stupid phone because the website for my credit card is down and has been down all day. It’s insane. I mean, what the fuck is going on? It’s been down since 2 pm and I am writing this at 7 pm, so that’s 5 hours of nobody able to do their credit card business for all this time.

And it’s the middle of the week, and the problem started in the middle of the day. So it’s not like everyone is asleep or off for the weekend. There is just no excuse for that kind of sloppiness.

Doesn’t exactly fill me with faith in the institution. And I bet it’s something stupid too, like the one guy who knows how these things work is sick, or has to stay home because some pointy headed pencil pusher declared there would be no more overtime period, or somesuch.

So when I want to see if I can pay the deposit, I have to call the number and enter my credit card number and so all over again.

When you are as spoiled by the Internet as I am, dealing with a phone tree like that is maddening. I mean, I don’t even remember my passwords any more. Why would I? My browser does it for me! Like a Cracked writer recently wrote, it only takes one piece of technology to fail before you realize we’ve become the Eloi and any day the Morlocks are gonna eat us.

Anyhow, as soon as my money exits the Phantom Zone and returns to Earth, I will pay up, and then finally be able to register for classes.

Oh, plus I have to do that final project for Psych 1200. Then I have two exams.

Maybe after THAT I will finally be able to completely relax. Sheesh.

Otherwise, life is sliding along. Having to deal with the whole deposit issue at least gave me something purposeful to focus on. Plus I am getting laundry done, including bedding.

Supervillian : I am your master, and you WILL do my bedding!

Otherwise, though, despite my earlier resolution, I have slipped back into my stupid old lifestyle of life just being something to endure in between times with actual content, like meals. Just me bobbing back and forth between lying in bed playing games on my tablet and me sitting here on this office chair, burning brain cells by hanging out on Facebook, sampling its multifarious temptations.

Ain’t no cure for Cracked lists.

And that’s not exactly nothing. But it’s not exactly something either. Just passing time stimulating my outsized brain in pointless activity between meals and naps.

Thank God there is always this blog to keep me at least somewhat stitched together. As long as I have my thousand words a day to do after dinner, my life has some kind of purpose.

I was talking to a friend recently about depression making it feel like there is no point to doing anything because the anhedonia has gotten so severe that not only are you not taking pleasure in the things that normally make you happy, it’s hard to even imagine enjoying anything at all.

My friend has Seasonal Affective Disorder, and it’s hitting him pretty hard. I have been there. In fact, if I keep hanging around naked and depressed (but distracted!), I might end up there again.

I have been trying out the concept of maybe moving myself from the “suffering from depression” to the “recovering from depression” category. I have referred to myself as “recovering” to a few people online, and every time it felt wildly dangerous and insane. Like I was opening a door and shoving myself through it, along with that massive feeling of dread that comes with all breaking of inner taboos and compulsions.

But shouldn’t recovering from depression be happy news? Why the shock? Why the fear?

Because depression serves a function : it keeps people from having to deal with life. It’s a delusional structure just like any other, only it disguises itself by being unrelentingly negative, and delusions are things that make people happy, right? Ergo unhappiness MUST be real.

But it’s not. It’s as much a self-serving delusion as any religious faith and as inaccurate a worldview as any pollyana optimist.

But at least the optimist is happy.

I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.