Thrill to my action-packed adventures.

After a very long gaming session, beat Borderlands this morning. Final fight was difficult but not that interesting and the ending, while cute, was pitifully brief.

Oh well. The game was hella fun anyhow. And now I have moved straight on the the sequel, the creatively titled Borderlands 2, and luckily, it didn’t cost me $30.

That’s because I already paid for it ages ago. I bought a bundle with all three of the existing games in it way back when, and they just sat there on my account for a long time because, for whatever reason, I decided I didn’t like them after trying them when I got them back in the days of yesteryear.

I truly cannot fathom whatever problem I had with the games back then. I can only assume that I was in a pissy, moody frame of mind and didn’t have the patience to stick with it long enough to make the learning curve and start REALLY having fun.

Seems dumb now. But I do have more persistance and patience than I used to, that’s for sure. I have managed to access some of my vast strategic reserves of sheer bloody minded stubbornness and apply that to things I am having trouble with, instead of giving up at the first sign of trouble.

And it’s paid off.

Now if only I could apply it to like….. life.

Anyhoo, have started 2, and here’s the choices I had as to which character I would play.

See if you can guess which one I chose.

In games, I always go for the character who is the most ninja-like OR the one that is the freakiest, and he is BOTH.

Plus, check how he is described in the intro :

Everone else has a normal name and a description, like Axton As The Commando or Maya As The Siren.

But my boy is Zero As A Number. And that is SO ME. I love the idea of being the completely mysterious dark hero who doesn’t even have a name.

Dunno why, but I absolutely love that. Perhaps it’s because when you are a total mystery without even a clear gender, people can’t label you and are forced to deal with you as a person.

Albeit a very weird and creepy one.

Oh. And the capper : he’s a sniper.

There were really no other choices.

What else…. did some laundry. Thrillsville there. The new washer/dryer combo is a little smaller than the previous one that died on us, but way cooler and more high tech-ish.

I mean, the washer part has digital readouts and a clear plastic lid!

Truly, we are living the good life now.

Other than that, not much to report. My switch away from my nutrageous diet seems to have worked. I am not getting sick any more, or at least, not in the same way.

I don’t honestly know what it feels like to be healthy. Intellectually, I know that there were times when I was young when I was fairly healthy. Sure, I was fat, but the walk to and from school every day kept me minimally healthy and I was young, so I had a lot more energy and enthusiasm.

But at this point in my life, there is no such thing as health.

There is only various ways to be sick, some worse than others.

Mood-wise, I have been on the plus side of meh. Cashing my check yesterday helped a fair bit. Like I have said many times before, financial insecurity leads to emotional insecurity, and that leads to depression and anxiety in me.

I feel a lot better now that I have my financial house back in order and have the full set of my little pleasures back in place.

Still, deep down I feel moody and introspective. I get the feeling I am processing a heavy loads of “stuff” and that makes me feel like lying in bed with the lights out and my music on, and just letting my mind do whatever it needs to do.

Beats having the deep processes yank the rug out from under my conscious mind by dumping everything out of my working memory at random moments.

Hmmm. I am intellectualizing again. The previous paragraph was so cognitive, which is absurd because it’s not what I am thinking that is important, it’s what I am feeling.

I’ve made a lot of progress but I am still profoundly alienated from my own emotions and so I still find it hard to talk about my emotions in a really real way.

It’s all been pinned to paper and stuck under glass like a museum’s bug collection. That’s why it is so hard for me to talk about what I am feeling right now.

There hasn’t been time to stuff and mount it yet.

One last thing about today : managed to actually reach my happy squirting time when masturbating today. Ejaculation galore.

That’s it for this month, then. Wish I was exaggerating for effect.

Every time I managed to make it, I am tempted to analyze everything leading up to my sperm squirting in order to figure out “what I did right”.

But I know the answer: nothing. I did what I always do, only this time it worked. Maybe because the demon semen pressure had built up enough, maybe because this time I managed to forget about previous frustrations, maybe because of a million other tiny factors that are beyond my comprehension, let alone control.

Glad it happened though. Felt very good to finally cum after so much frustration.

I wonder if exercise would help me cum more often. Could be that if I didn’t have so much bodily tension built up, I might feel a lot better and certain things would be easier because of the lack of inner resistance and conflict.

But there’s this wall inside me…..

Well, you know the drill.

I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.