Just woke up. All blurry and disoriented and out of breath as is usual when I have managed to get some actual sleep.
I can never get ahead. Never. All I can do is rearrange tne ways things suck.
I have, at least, been sleeping better lately. Which is ironic because I haven’t even taken any Zopiclone yet.
It’s as if the mere threat of medication made my sleep straighten up and fly right.
So the quality is up. The quantity, however, still stinks, as does the duration.
Can’t stay asleep for more than two hours max. Which sucks, as patent readers know. It’s not nearly enough time to get the benefits of deep sleep and it shows.
God damn is it hard to stay focused on the screen right now. And remember what the fuck I was talking about.
So as I was saying, independent research into hay markets confirms that…
Sorry. Wrong blog.
Seriously, writing right now feels like every word is being yanked from my skull by a dentist who doesn’t believe in anesthetic.
Anyhow, I called this entry the edge of reality because all this post sleep muzziness has got me thinking about the edges of my own personal subjective reality and how close to each other they are.
I often feel like a wise man on a mountain top, full of wisdom nobody will ever hear. because I am so isolated, able to see all and feel none ofit.
More after the break.
On being lame
This year’s Halloween fireworks display just ended and I am feeling particularly glum.
Because there we could hear it quite well because they set them off near City Hall which is just a couple of blocks away.
But we couldn’t see a damned thing because there’s an apartment building in the way.
And due to my being half-crippled and perennially clueless, there was nothing I could do to fix that.
See, I always forget that for some weird reason, they do fireworks on Halloween ’round here. So I never think about them until I hear them happening.
By then, of course, it’s too late. Even if I was young and fit and had a bicycle, and pedaled like mad as soon as I heard the first pop, the whole thing is only ten minutes long so I would miss at least half of it.
As is, the only way I will ever get to see the damned things is if I start planning it way ahead of time so I could get a good spot and park myself there.
And ya know, arrange to be transported there as there is no way I could journey there on foot. At the very least, I would need a taxi,
And the thing is, I really love fireworks. Have since I was a wee lad. So to have them going on so tantalizingly close was particularly hard on me.
I absolutely hate feeling like everyone is having fun without me. I remember how much I hated it as a little kid when I would be sent to bed while the rest of the family was still awake and watching TV together.
I still burn with outrage and frustration just thinking about it.
You don’t understand! I NEED THOSE GOOD VIBES!
I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.