It’s so cold in this pl’ heap of squalor now that I am actually thinking of getting dressed.
It’s that or close my window, and I treasure fresh air too much to do that if there’s another reasonable option.
So yes, now it can be told : when I am writing these little missives, and most of the rest of the time too, I am stark naked except for socks.
The socks make it sexier. (Plus I need them to protect my foot wounds, but that’s not nearly as fun.)
By far, though, the best thing about lounging around naked most of the time is how easy that makes it to masturbate.
(Yes, this will be one of those “sexy” blog entries I warned you I would write soon.)
I can be all casual about it. Just reach down and grab the ol’ dipstick and jack it while I wait for something to load,
So to speak.
And if that happens to get my motor running, the entire glorious wonderful world of internet pornography in all its perverted splendor is but a few clicks away.
Yesterday, I ended up jerking off for almost two hours straight in a row, which you have to admit is pretty impressive for a guy my age.
And no, alas, I did not make it to the happy squirting time, but I am getting better at accepting that most probable of outcomes. Or lack of comes, as it were.
After all, it still feels great and is a whole lot of fun. And it does help relieve my balls of some of their button blueness, and it’s pretty good cardio, too.
And that’s what I have instead of a sex life.
Or at least, as much of it as I can talk about on a public blog without risking jail time and/or shaming my family for generations.
More after the break.
More smexy talk
It’s like “sexy”, but in baby talk.
Let that sink in.
Hey, if it helps to return the innocence to sex, I’m all for it.
Sex could be such a powerful tool to spread joy and love and anuses. It could give people the kind of deep, cleansin, soul deep healing all us wounded spirits so desperately need in these troubled times.
I mean, we’re going to need SOMETHING to do when civilization is gone and we’re all living in huts on stilts above the ArcticCircle.
That’s the great thing about fucking. It’s always there! If you got people, you can fuck.
Who knows? Maybe then all these destructive taboos and all that bad programming will fade away and we will all be free to look for sexual playmates with the same innocence and openness and eagerness we once brought to looking fot someone to play with when we were kids.
Hookup apps are getting us closer. I want to start one called Let’s Fuck. It would be unambiguously for finding people to do sexytimes with. No coy language about looking for “romance’ or “liaisons”. No hearts or flowers and no censored Cupids Just tastefully explicit art all through the app to get people in the mood and a straightforward hookup app interface which directly says, ” I am looking to do $sex_act with a $gender_presentation while wearing a $kinky_costume and being watched appreciatively by $church_officials who are $degree_of_nudity..”etc.
Kind of like sexual Mad Libs.
If that worked, I would move into the same thing but with brick and mortar locations. Fuckatoriums, if you will. Places you can go with the same openly horny atmosphere and plenty of bedrooms, couches, showers, and of course, clean bedding.
Basically I want gay bathhouses for straight people. And everyone else.I want them to be something every neighbourhood has, like a dry cleaners or a supermarket.
I could go on and on. Butt my butt is getting sore for woefully unsmexy reasons.
But I’m telling you, give me the money and I will change the world.
I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.