Well, we have it now, obviously. Otherwise I wouldn’t be blogging this to you right now.

But earlier we did not.

See, today was the fateful day of a scheduled power outage in our neighborhood. They presumably needed to do some major work on the local power grid, and that meant that between around 8:30 AM and 3:30 PM today, we had no juice. ^[1]

And that suuuuucked. We were well warned, so it wasn’t a surprise even for my continuously clueless ass, but it still sucked.

As always happens when the lights go out, you are reminded of just how much of your life depends on electricity. There was so little I could do!

Couldn’t play games like Pathfinder, which continues to astonish and delight me with how good it is. I have literally been through Hell playing the game and I am still chomping at the bit for more.

Couldn’t blog. Well, technically, I could have via my tablet because I at least had the forethought to charge it fully before we lost power.

But typing via the tablet’s virtual tablet suuuuuucks. It’s so much less efficient than using my actual keyboard that it tires and frustrates me just thinking about it.

And seeing as I knew the power was coming back way before it was time to go to Denny’s, the decision to just wait was a no-brainer.

OK, so obviously the computer was not going to work. But neither was the internet, because no power means no WIFI router means no ‘net for the tablet.

And as it turns out, four out of the five games I currently have installed on my tablet will not run if there’s no internet even though they are not multiplayer and therefore have no reason to require an internet connection.

Luckily the fifth one was not so fussy. But that was way too close.

I almost had to face life without video games!

Surely I would have died from the boredom alone.

I did have to face something almost as bad : eating. Just eating. Not eating and blogging, or eating and listening to a YouTube video, or eating while chatting with my fuzzy friends. Just sitting there… eating.

And it was eerie at first. It’s like there was this monkey running around in my head throwing a fit and ripping up the furniture.

But before long my long practiced school mode kicked in and I just sat there in my own little world of thought while I put food to my face.

I should do that more often. It’s a lot like meditation for me. Almost Zen.

More after the break.

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Don’t be scared by the sound of my voice

That’s not a topic.

That’s just the song that’s stuck in my head at the moment.

The topic is that yup, my condition is getting worse. 🙁

Got that confirmed with tonight’s Denny’s trip. Just the acts of getting down to the car and back and in and out of Denny’s cost me so much effort and pain that I wasn’t even sure I would make it.

That and the recurring attacks of flulike symptoms convince me that I have some kind of long term infection that flares up now and then only to be beaten into submission by my immune system, but my immune system can’t finish it off, so it just goes dormant until it builds up enough strength to go symptomatic again.

And with every flareup, my muscles get weaker and I get close to being bound to a wheelchair or even a bed.

So this is officially a crisis. I am in shit up to my retinas and I need medical intervention to save what is left of my neuro-muscular system before I end up gasping out my last in a bed somewhere, all full of tubes, as my lungs are too weak to pump air any more.

Yes that’s a harsh and horrifying image. That’s the point. I need to keep the fear alive in me so I take this shit seriously and follow through on it instead of just letting everything slide as I bury my head up my ass by retreating into my own little world again.

That turtling tendency is what has got me into this mess. I am NOT going to let it kill me.

So tomorrow, I have some phone calls to make.

I have to call Doctor Chao’s office to move my appointment with him. I stupidly booked an appointment with him at the same time as my weekly Wound Care appointment, so one of them has got to move.

I suppose I could call Wound Care instead. They at least answer the fucking phone.

I also have to call Doctor Caswell’s office to book my next appointment with her. I missed the last one because I was far too sick to go anywhere, and so it is up to me to get the ball rolling on that again too.

I have at least gotten to the point where I am tentatively willing to take responsibility for myself and try to get my poop in a group.

I might not always be able to do the “smart” thing but I can remain alert and push forward whenever I can.

I have to take responsibility for myself because I am the only one who can. No matter how sad and pathetic my life becomes, nobody is going to pull me out of that snowbank and give me all the love and care and nurturing I never got as a kid.

The only one who can do that is me.

It’s time to be my own rescuer. Do what I would do if this was a video game and move heaven and earth to save that poor little neglected boy and get him everything he needs to grow healthy and strong.

Lord knows the poor kid deserves it.

\I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.