That’s what it feels like I am made of right now. Wet issue [a[r held together by busted alasic bands and drops of muscilege.

Today’s been pretty rotten, and I don’t see things getting better any time soon. My flulike symptoms are threatening to come back and my appetite to a left turn at Albequerque and asn’t been seen since, so I am once more faced with the prospect of having to somehow force myslef to eat so that lack of nutrition doesn’t make things even worse.

But nothing I have on hand seems edible. I ordered some stuff from 7-11 last night when I was ravenously hungry and by the time it arrived, my appetite had fled town and I couldn’t eat a god damned thing.

I managed to very slowly get around half of a beef and cheese empanada last night when I was watching stuff with Joe and Julian. That felt like torture but at least I got some protein, fat, and carbs into me.

Since then all I have had was an apple and an orange for breakfast at around 9 am. That was around ten houjrs ago and I am starting ot feel not so nice so I am going to have to eat someting from my available stocks soon.

Let’s see, I have one and a half beef and cheese empanadas. two slices of 7-11 pepperoni pizza, and a wrapped brownie I stupidly bought.

And absolutely none that sounds remotely edible to me.

Makes me wanna puke just thinking about it It’s all so heavy and greasy and thick that I feel like eating it would be like chugging lard. Grody to the max, man.

What I want is light and sweet things. Like more fruit. Fruit is the perfect food for me when I am in this state because it’s very visually attractive, tastes light and delicious, and provides loads of needed vitamins.

But I don’t have any fruit available to me here in my room and I am reluctant to try to get some myself from the fridge because I have no confidence in my having the energy or the wherewithal to make it back safely and I sure as hell don’t want to end up sprawled out on the floor with a serious head injury from when I collapsed.

Especially because I am all alone right now. So nobody would know for hours.

The chills are back too. Along with frequent yawning. I yawn, I stretch, and as the muscles stretch a very cold wind blows through my muscles and tissues and leaves me shivering and shocked. under the comforter on my bed.

It gets weirder. That only really happens when I am lying down in bed. The momnet I sit up, I start warming up, and soon I am back to what passes for normal around here.

So I am free to take a life-giving nap as long as I can do it without laying down.

Methinks there are serious shenanigans afoot with my circulatory system. And that is very bad. But I can’t afford to get upset about it.

So I will just stumble onwards the best I can, with the portable phone close at hand in case I need to call 911.

My life is so much fun.

More after the break.

Not any better

In fact, a lot worse.

Because I was unable to make myself eat lunch OR dinner, I am currently fighting off a potentially fatal blood sugar crash.

Don’t worry though. I got thing under control. Lucky that I bought that brownie after all because it was just the thing to get my blood sugar back on the way up.

I am going to choke down as much brownie as I can. It’s hard because my mouth is so dry. I have to take a hearty swig of water with each bite to wash it down.

And I am almost out of water. Which means I will need to get up to get more when I just did that twnty minutes ago.

Hopefully my legs will forgive me and not, say, chooose to completely collapse out from under me like they sometimes did before my hospital stay.

You know, that hospital stay would have been a great time for doctors to really take a crack at figuring out what was wrong with my legs.

Instead they just did what they know well, namely put me on a long course of antibiotics and when that was done, declared me cured and kicked me out of the hospital.

I am developing a theory of a tragic lack of vision on the part of the medical establishment around here. They are so focused on treating people quickly that if it requires any in depth thought or analysis, they just fucking skip it.

They latch on to one thing they DO understand – like an infection – and then treat THAT and pretend that was the real problem all along so when that’s done, go home!

But I don’t want to go home yet. Nobody has told me what’s wrong with me yet.

Nobody even gives a shit.

Some serious ass kicking is coming their way. I am through with being jerked around. M legs stopped working right around a year and I still have no idea why. Someone is going to tell me something concrete or I am going to go critical.

Clearly nobody sees it as their job to cure me. They all have their own tiny specialist points of view and anything that does not fit into their easy categories get ignored.

:Like it just hits them in the head and falls to the floor like a half deflated basketball without them making so much as a “derp”.

So I am going to have to go to war. I will have to keep pushing and pushing and using my acerbic wit to its full extend to punish noncompliance until someone figures out what the hell happened to my fucking legs.

Sorry if I’ve been repeating myself. But I want to stay mad.

I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.