Because otherwise, I might have had to get really creative with what I eat.
And honestly, given that this emergency order from 7-11 cost me $32, I kind of wish I had gone that route instead.
Admittedly, $7.50 of that went to cookies. Apparently 7-11 doesn’t have sugar free ice cream any more, but they do have this new kind of sugar free cookie.
I got the birthday cake cookie kind. Sounds yum, right?
But they are going to have to be pretty goddamned tasty for $7.50 for a small “snack” sized sachet of them.
Feels like about 6-8 cookies, or about 0.94 to $1.25 a cookie.
And these are not full sized cookies either. More like McDonaldland sized.
So unless they deliver a flavour orgasm in every bite, I doubt I will get them again.
I felt I had to get something because I ran out of trail mix yesterday and I don’t order groceries again till tomorrow, so I needed something for today.
Or so I thought. I am having spender’s remorse right now. I could have just popped an extra bag of microwave popcorn and eaten in instead of splurging today.
Oh well, can’t do anything about it now except learn my lesson.
What it means is that I will not be ordering in tomorrow night. The stuff I got todau was my ordering in for the week.
The only way I will be ordering in is via Pizza Hut because I will have to pay for whatever I order in cash. My “card”: budget won’t take it.
Cash wise, I have something like $89 that’s spendable. Which ain’t half bad. Deposit Day is two weeks from yesterday, so I should be reasonably OK.
There may be a certain amount of financial dos-y-dos with cash v. card in the last week. Hopefully not, but ya never know, I might give in to temptation and either order in on the card’s dime tomorrow night, or um…. overshop.
I do have a tendency to get a little crazy when I shop for groceries. I have a strong feeling that if I ever have a big, grownup sized grocery budget, I am going to end up being a food hoarder overnight unless I practice very strict budgetary restraint.
There’s just something about acquiring food that brings out the greedy little animal in me. Like I am a bear who just stumbled on a HUGE patch of berries and I feel like I have to eat EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM.
I mean, just look at all this FOOD. I want ALL OF IT!
If I was am eccentric billionaire (as opposed to now, when I’m an eccentric hundredaire), I would just have a Safeway in my mansion where I would go to “shop” and get all I want of whatever the hell I want, budget be damned.
I mean, I would own the Safeway and everything in it already. So why hold back?
Did i mentioned being eccentric?
Anyhow, that’s the pulse pounding, hard driving, brutally honest update from my personal finances and such.
Sorry for drawing out the suspense.
Oh, get this : I have yet ANOTHER MRI in Vancouver at VGH next week. Which means I now have one next Monday AND next Friday, both late at night.
And I am going to really need me some Ativan because the first one is going to be 45 minutes long and the second one will be AN HOUR AND A HALF.
An hour and a half of having to sit perfectly still in a metal tube? Um no. That would make my claustrophobia go absolutely berserk.
So it’s Ativan or no scan, basically.
I wish I could just sleep through the whole thing.
More after the break.
That irritating hum
I thought this was pretty interesting.
Those poor people! Imagine being tormented day and night by a sound only you can hear. That must be a nightmare.
Not surprise that people on “the spectrum” are heavily represented in the “hearer” category. We all know they process sensory input in an unusual way.
I hope people like the fellow who made that video figure out what the heck is going on, though. So that some day, we might be able to turn the damned thing off!
On lightening up
It’s not like I am philosophically dedicated to taking things way too seriously.
In fact, I think that without depression holding me down, I would be a cheerful optimist. That has always seemed to be to be the better way to live.
To always be as happy as you can manage to be. That’s livin’.
And yet, this project of mine to learn to calm the frick down and lighten the frick up and stop being such a god damned downer to myself seems so hard.
I have so much ingrained negativity to overcome. I feel like I have to completely reroute the way I process emotions in order to fix the problem.
Somehow, I will learn to turn the same emotional potentials that now go into negativity into a force to bring my mood up instead.
I know it’s possible. I’ve seen glimpses of it in the past. I know it can be done.
But I feel like I have a lot of negative emotion to process first. And I am doing my best to get that done but I feel like I am stumbling around in the dark as I do so.
Now where’s the fucking light switch?
Somehow, I need to clear away this dark miasma that clouds my mind and keeps me in perpetual darkness and leaves a foul smelling sticky residue on everything it touches.
Basically, I’m polluted. I need burly dudes in hazmat suits to come up with their big industrial hoses and complex disposal procedures to come in and pump the pollutants out of me then sequester them somewhere where they can no longer harm me.
But I suppose that’s impossible.
I will have to pass it all through the kidneys of my mind instead.
I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.