Because seriously, what the fuck else would I be talking about?
I feel like I had more to say but I don’t know what,
And that’s happening a lot lately. I must be at the dawn of one of my artistic growth phases where I become discontent with what I am making and it’s that discontent that burrows deep into my psyche to find a solution.
Solution : get better at it!
But it’s a tad more complicated than that.
On one of its extremely deep layers, this almighty mind of mine will rearrange its contents into a more efficient form, eliminating redundancies and clearing up conflicts and when the process is complete, I will have leveled up.
That’s seriously how it works for me. Go fig.
Meanwhile I’m going to sit here and fret about what’s going on in L.A. and New York.
Hopefully, at some point, the mighty moron army of the Dumb Donnie administration will realize that despite all their fascist power fantasies, it is literally impossible to fight absolutely everybody and they are actually going to have to learn to use their higher brain functions for once instead of trying to punish their way out of this mess.
But that doesn’t sound very likely, does it? Which means this may go to the bitter end that all fascist regimes face when they reach this point in their degradation.
Namely, the point where they really do keep trying to “solve” the problem with greater and more brutal applications of force, unable with their tiny minds to grasp that for every person they strike down, they inspire ten to rise up, and that every atrocity convinced more everyday people that if they and their family are to be safe, you have got to die.
I will note, at this point, that there’s currently protestors in front of the White House. And there’s already a massive protest set for next Saturday.
Did you see how few rioters it took to storm the Capital?
Now imagine millions.
Sadly, the Secret Service are extremely good at their job so they would undoubtedly get Dumb Donnie out of the White House and to an Undisclosed Location (idea : open a bar in DC called An Undisclosed Location) before the angry mobs could get to him.
Unless Dumb Donnie threw a tantrum and refused to leave. “No! This is MY HOUSE! They should be the ones to leave!”.
I truly wonder what they would do then. I picture an ultra serious Tommy Lee Jones type doing that thing people can do in movies and TV where they punch someone in the midsection in such a way that said person ends up over their shoulder and then the Secret Service person just carries them away.
Anyhow, back to New York and L.A. I really question the sanity of trying to fuck with New Yorkers. These are not mellow SoCal hippie surfer types. They are hardboiled survivors who take great pride in being tough and willing to scrap with anyone if they feel like they’re getting stepped on.
And they have shown how readily they band together when there’s a threat.
L.A. is the bigger story right now, but it’s in good ol New York where you’re going to see the most implacably ferocious resistance.
And of course, young people will be flooding into those areas from all over the country looking to join in the good fight. Especially Gen Z!
These monstrous morons have bitten off far, far more than they can chew.
And I hope they fucking choke on it.
More after the break.
Precious seconds of humanity
Alright, time to take another swing at this piñata.
If really sad or upsetting things like this music video…
…can unleash a big enough emotional response in me that I actually feel human and maybe even have some idea of what it’s like to be a normal person, what in the name of little green garden snakes am I the rest of the time?
A lot of things, as it turns out, but let’s concentrate on whatever mental state these sad and/or upsetting things temporarily save me from.
At some point – maybe when I was raped, maybe some point after – I retreated into the ice cold world of detachment as a way to escape my negative emotions.
And this made me inhuman. I can see that so clearly now. It made me eerily removed and detached from the rest of the world in a way that I was more than capable of somewhat superciliously defending as just “me being me” and very disingenuously claiming to have no idea what people were talking about when challenged on it.
I could do this because deep down I knew nobody would be articulate enough to actually nail down what it was that was “off” about me.
God, that’s creepy.
And I suppose this involved me hiding my “true” nature from myself as well. When you are as multifaceted as I am, it’s very easy to change which facet is the “real” you based on whatever best suits your self-image at the moment.
So I think of myself, most of the time, as a sweet, fluffy, cute, compassionate, sensitive critter who is lovable and expansive and easy to get along with.
And that’s all true… for one of my facets. The one that I, arguably, like the best.
But I know there’s more to me than that. On another facet, I am that cold and calculating and ruthlessly pragmatic snake. On another, I am a fire breathing rabble rouser fit to lead people into bloody revolution. On still another, I am a junior Messiah full of love and compassion and understanding for all and who just wants people to see the humanity in one another so we can all come together in harmony.
And so forth and so on.
And asking me which of these is the “real” me is as meaningless as asking which side of a d20 is the “real” d20.
They all are. I am none of my facets, and all of them. The question makes no sense.
I must have a sort of meta-facet that decides which facet best suits a situation and, if absolutely necessary, carves a new one if none of them fit.
It feels automatic. Like it’s the world that makes the selection, not me. Situation A stimulates response X, and so on.
And truth me told, I am not sure if I could control the process even if I wanted to.
And I do not.
So what am I when I am not having my seconds of humanity?
Something entirely different and not entirely sane, I would have to day.
But now that I have a conscious of idea of how much good those moments can do me, maybe I can find the courage to seek them out deliberately instead of leaving it up to the whims of fate.
Sometimes it does good to feel bad for a while.
I’ll try to remember that.
I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.