I did another slideshow.

This one is almost shockingly wholesome!

Originally, I was going to do something more autobiographical. But then I realized I had absolutely no idea where I put those images and I did not feel like going through the Google Streetview of my home town again to regain them.

Plus the siding on my childhood home is this ugly green now.

Still, the concrete front step is a good idea.

Anyhow. Been doomscrolling Blue Sky a fair bit. Trying to keep up with what is going on in Los Angeles. Balancing terror and hope. Fretting.

I do think the good guys will win in the end. Dumb Donnie and his coterie of fucktards are way too stupid and incompetent to pull off a fascist coup.

I mean, he sent the Nation Guard in without food or water or equipment and refused to even pay for lodgings for them, so they all just slept on a floor somewhere.

A Machiavellian mastermind he ain’t.

In fact, it reminds me of Dubya, though of course, much much worse. The Dubya years taught us that incompetent evil can still do a lot of damage.

But as far as I know, while the National Guard and the Marines are in Los Angeles, most of them are not even doing anything yet.

It remains to be seen whether they will truly see action. Right now, I imagine their commanders are doing everything they can not to violate Posse Comatatus while technically following orders.

For the Guard, just being there is already illegal. They’re not invited. But I suppose nothing is illegal if there are no consequences.

As long as people continue to inexplicably follow Dumb Donnie’s orders, that tangerine Caligula is effectively the idiot-king of America.

They could flat out refuse his orders. Ignore him completely. What’s he gonna do? I bet there’s already been a spate of voluntary discharges and desertions. Acting against American citizens doesn’t just violate the law, it fundamentally goes against the grain of the entire ethos of the American armed forces.

They fight foreign threats in order to protect their fellow Americans. That is what it’s all about. If they act against Americans they become the enemy.

And that would be the ultimate betrayal.

So they could just refuse the orders. I realize that would also be a betrayal of their beliefs. I’m not going to pretend this is something they could do easily.

But these are desperate times.

And what’s Dumb Donnie going to do? Court-martial the entire U.S. fighting force? And they have numerous legal avenues for refusing illegal orders.

And of course, Congress could stop all of this. Every Republican in the House and Senate is radically and treasonously failing the American people by not having the guts to stand up to Dumb Donnie and put an end to all of this mishigas.

And it goes well beyond fear of consequences now. They fear him not because he can hurt them but because he is their God now and to challenge him would be to go against the fundamental nature of reality.

They are now the “good” children of the abusive parents, the ones who still obey despite the abuse because they are so heavily indoctrinated into the abuser’s version of reality that to do anything else is simply beyond imagination and thus terrifying.

Some of them are starting to wake up and listen to their constituents but so far no leader has emerged to lead the charge to save America.

And it would only take a small number of defectors for impeachment to go through.

I’m just sayin’.

More after the break.

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I thought this was beyond brilliant.

Between ambition and inaction

It’s not like I am happy doing nothing with my life.

I have a fiery fountain of a roaring, soaring firebird screaming for release inside me.

But I also have an unyielding wall of cold, dead depression standing in its way.

This conflict leaves me feeling like a million pounds of rocks is crushing me against a cold, flat cement floor.

Historically, I have “dealt” with this by not thinking about it. By keeping myself too distracted to feel the pressure and the pain and the frustration caused by such a strangulated state of affairs.

And I suppose compulsively playing video games is my way of allowing just enough of that pressure to escape for me to be able to breathe.

But breathing is not enough. Survival is not enough. Making it through the day is not enough, not any more.

I want to be truly alive.

And that’s going to mean pain.

Pain because the old dead parts of me that are holding me back will have to be cut away and there’s bound to be a little feeling left in them.

Or whatever they’re currently attached to.

Pain because I have a hell of a lot of latent growth stored up inside me and a hell of a lot of catching up to do and growing that fast is never gentle.

Pain because it will mean pushing through the tough, fibrous membrane of fear that has been a fake and worthless part of the tissues of my mind for far too long and when that thing tears it’s going to fucking hurt.

At least for a second or two. Like ripping off a bandage.

But fuck pain and fuck fear. I will summon the courage to leave this cozy but fetid grotto of mine and walk out into the real world and find my destiny.

Or at least something more interesting to do than play fucking video games all day.

Hopefully but not necessarily something that makes me some money. Maybe figure out which AI video gen site is worth investing in so I have a new toy to play with.

Or, ya know, find some other app that’s fun to make stuff with.

I don’t have to suddenly become this dynamo of productivity.

I just need to expand my definition of fun.

I could enjoy that.

I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.