Found myself in a bit of a black funk because things were not going my way in The Sims 4 and I was finding it very frustrating and depressing,
And that reminded me of other times when I have felt that way because I wasn’t doing well in the game I was playing at the time, and it suddenly seemed both absurd and wrong that something as trivial as a video game should influence my mood so much.
But I guess that’s just what happens when you spend most of your life playing video games – they become more real to you on an emotional level than reality.
I am a very virtualized person. Even when I am not playing games (in other words, when I am eating a meal), I am living as my alter ego Fruvous on Tapestries.
The truth is that while my body is always in the real world, my mind deliberately spends as little time as possible there.
Even when I am away from the computer, I am dodging reality by reading a book, or taking a nap.
Basically, I’m a hardcore escapist, and it’s high time I faced that bitter truth.
It’s not who I want to be. I want to be the sort of person who tackles their problems head on and wrestles with them until he emerges victorious. I want to be a no-nonsense pragmatist who doesn’t just talk about the world’s problems, he solves them.
But instead, here I am stuck being the tenderest of hothouse flowers, barely able to scrape by in an existence made of little more than media consumption.
All day long, I feed my brain, and it has gotten potent and enormous on this diet. Everything I do is some form of mental exercise, and it is made my mind a mighty machine of steel and sparks and technicolor rainbows.
But even the mightiest of machines is just so much useless junk without the will and the strength to use it.
So here I am, brain the size of a planet stuck forever in the frozen fortress of my mental illness, unable to make my way through the world to a place where I would be recognized as the genius I am and put to work doing what I do.
So all I really do is whisper my secrets to the shadows of my mind, some of whom, I am happy to say, are friends of mine.
Thank you so much, all those who read me. You mean so much to me. Like I always say, if nobody read these frantic scribblings of mine, I couldn’t write them, and without this outlet I would be a far, far less sane person.
Hmmm. Apparently I falsely concluded that I was done Part 1 when in fact I had 48 words left. Seems like I sort of mentally drifted away.
That is a worrisome sign. Especially after I was just talking about being out of touch with reality. Seems like I am even more out of touch than I thought.
I hope this does not become a trend.
Right now, I am quite sleepy. I am guessing that this is because the heat just came on and I am experiencing The Melt.
For those of you who are new here or have forgotten,The Melt is what I call my tendency to get really, really sleepy when warming up from being cold.
And it’s a very tempting kind of sleepiness because usually if I manage to catch the wave of sleepiness and surf my way to sleep on it, I will get some very good sleep.
But I already slept for most of the afternoon. That was a bit of a surprise. Usually, when I lay down after doing Part One of my blogging, I either don’t really sleep (just zero out) or I sleep for maybe an hour and a half, tops.
But this time I slept for over three hours. Curious.
Must have really needed it.
Well as tempting as sleep is right now, I will be leaving to go hang out with Le Gang at Subway in an hour and a quarter, and that’s not enough time for any decent amount of sleep, so awake I shall stay.
At least until I am done blogging, anyhow.
Returned Red Dead Redemption 2. No surprise there. Damn thing barely ran on my computer, like I said yesterday. So I returned it.
And I got a refund right away….. kinda. I wasn’t very surprised at how quickly I kind of got my refund because I imagine lots of people like me returned the damned thing.
Any game so badly done that even people with high end PCs can’t play it is bound to get a lot of returned and the company knows better than to fight people about it.
At least I now know why on Metacritic, the User Score for RDR2 was so much lower than the Critic Score.
The critics presumably all played on ultra-l33t PCs while us poor gamers had to play with our lesser computers.
I’ve played other games from this year without any problems. So I know the problem is not that my PC is too slow.
They just released a really crappy PC port of the game that apparently included all the lavish graphical enhancements they had wanted to do for the console edition but couldn’t because of the consoles’ hardware restrictions.
Someone should have told them that PCs have hardware restrictions too.
Oh right… about that refund.
I say “kinda” refunded because the money is not actually in my Steam Wallet yet. It is “pending”, just like when I returned Disco Elysium.
And I am pretty sure I can’t be spending money that is pending, so I can’t re-invest that money just yet.
I am probably going to try Divinity : Original Sin 2 next. It has a very high Metacritic score and seems like my kind of game.
Plus I would hate to return three games in a row.
That would be downright embarrassing!
I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.