An exciting opportunity has fallen into my lap.
I can’t say a lot about it because I’ve signed an NDA (!), so I will just say that I will soon be meeting someone via Zoom about a new project they are working on that needs a writer and that writer might be me.
And I am super excited about it. I can’t wait to show off my mad creative skills and pour on my special brand of charm and kick some serious ass.
And you know what? I don’t even care how well it goes. I mean, I obviously want it to go super well and lead to gainful employment, but if I flame out and fail in some spectacular fashion, I can live with that too.
The important thing is to go for it. HARD.
And that means not hesitating to plunge forward without giving myself time to think about it. I am pleased with my own reaction on that front. When I learned of this opportunity, I immediately acted on it.
And that’s fantastic because if I had given myself any time to think about itm my depression, anxiety, and paranoia would have kicked in, and I would have totally freaked out and quite possibly have ignored the opportunity till it went away.
But fuck that noise. I’m freaking awesome and I am going to shine, shine, shine.
And it’s made me understand the value of acting on impulse. Especially for a mind like mine, where the entire rational apparatus of the mind is riddled with depression’s corruption and thus suspect as fuck.
Going from the gut bypasses all of that.
But I still have to contend with the smoking remnants of the previous “rational” regime. And they say that acting on impulse can only lead directly to disaster. That only by carefully weighing all the options and triple checking to make sure you have chosen the best out of all alternatives can I be “safe”.
And it’s that exact attitude that’s gotten me where I am today.
So fuck it. Be reckless. Do whatever seems like a good idea at the time. That “cautious” BS is just a cover for being too cowardly to do anything and I am very much done with all that crap.
And so yeah, I am anxious about this meeting. And I am fine with that. Hell, in writing these words, I am actively hoping to trigger a panic attack in myself so I can get it over with and be back to the rational state where I can see things in their proper perspective by the time the meeting rolls around.
Besides, anxiety is just excitement in a bad mood. The only difference is whether you ride the surge or try to fight the tide.
Or, I suppose, hide in your bunker till the waters recede.
And I am choosing to surf that wave. Hang ten, motherfuckers, because I am headed for shore and this surfboard didn’t come with brakes!
More after the brake. Er, break.
The meeting has occurred
And it went great. They seem impressed with my energy and enthusiasm and they are wide open to nearly any sort of idea that isn’t stupid or porn, and that suits me just fine.
I am going to send them some samples of my writing and then work on expanding their pitch package to have more of a story and to expand the characters and make them more of a team.
And I am super excited to be getting in on a project like this in the early stages, when all is nebulous and undetermined. It makes me feel like I can really make an impact on the final product while also showing off my mad creative skills.
I mean, they are specifically looking for wackiness.
I do wackiness.
Hell, I can wack the fuck out of this thing.
There! Just emailed out my writing samples. Now I can start to think about where I went to take the stuff in the pitch document.
I have been told that I have carte blanche to change whatever I feel needs changing, up to and including changing the entire thing.
Tempting. I could just pitch them Sam instead. But that would be lazy and wrong.
Life just got way more interesting.
In the other, inferior reality. I continue to Skyrim.
Just about done with my current character, the sneaky thiefy Argonian lizard dude.
I like to picture him as being like this adorable tiny lizard, no bigger than a loonie, who lived on our back fence when I lived in the hills of Los Gatos.
He had two modes : sitting absolutely still and darting across the fence at lightning speed for reasons only he understood.
Not totally sure what kind of character to do next, but it will probably be a krazy kung fu Khajjit who starts off as head of my Legacy of the Dragonborn museum.
Making him a krazy kung fu khajjit kurator.
Don’t look at me like that. It’s not like I could stop myself.
It’s either that, or build myself a kick ass battle mage. Just a huge tank of Magicka, heavy armor and rage. Blasting motherfuckers with fire and lightning and summoning badass demons to fight in my name.
That sounds good after a necromancer and a sneaky armor. I am in the mood to just rain damage on some motherfuckers in as direct and uncomplicated way as possible.
Plus, when I was playing my necromancer, it got me to thinking about how being a battle mage is more complicated than it looks. For one thing, you start off as a glass cannon who can deal mondo damage but a breeze can kill you.
Hence the summoning. I tend to play classes that use ranged attacks (makes life easier on my old-guy reflexes) and they work best with someone to play the “interceptor” role of engaging the enemy while you pluck arrows or shoot spells at them.
As the necromancer, I wanted to really get deep into the necromancy so I deliberately did not get into the much easier to live with conjuring side of things.
But fuck that, Been there, done that. Collecting bones and making my skeletons out of them was fun but I want to just bamf things into existence again.
And yet, I also want to try out this kung fu mod.
Could I do both?
Probably not. But I might try anyhow.
I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.