So this happened :

PLEASE SHARE SO OTHERS ARE WARNED. Alert : DO NOT USE Vancity’s Reloadable VISA. I just got $120 stolen out of my account and have to fill out an actual pen and paper form to start the disputing a charge process, and that will take 60 to 90 days for no good reason. I mean seriously. Vancity is clearly on the side of the criminals because they make disputing a charge super onerous, hoping you will give up. There is no reason why there is not a little button marked “dispute this charge” next to each charge when I view my transaction history. Clearly, they feel the need to give the criminals ample time to make their getaway. Well guess what? I am not giving up. I am getting my god damned money back. Sure, I won’t get it back till Xmas, if I am lucky, but I am getting it back. In the meantime, I have to survive till next Wednesday with no money. It’s either that or borrow money, and I would rather make due. I am a disabled person and a very sick man who has to get by on provincial disability, and losing $120 is a huge blow to me. Fuck whoever stole my money, and fuck Vancity for letting some shady company run their reloadable VISA program. PLEASE SHARE SO OTHERS ARE WARNED.

what I posted to Facebook this morning

So yeah. I went to check my reloadable VISA’s balance this morning and discovered two fraudulent charges from companies I have never heard of, and when I called the company to complain, they told me I had to print out a form then fax or mail it to them, and then it would take 60 to 90 days for the “dispute process” to complete.

I guess I can’t really add much to my Facebook rant. It’s all in there.

So obviously, I am super fucking mad. I can be reasonable about a lot of things but my money is not one of them. I am going to get it back and I don’t care whose nuts I have to put in a wringer to do it.

I actually imagined this scene this morning :

Me, to Vancity : Tell you what. I’m going to make you the best offer you’ll get today : if you give me my money back, I will go away right now. But if you continue to dick me around, getting rid of me will get increasingly expensive to get rid of me. I will sue if I have to and I am a disabled person who can be very, very persuasive, and so I will win. I will also generate as much bad publicity for Vancity as I can, and that is a LOT. So why not grab yourself a bargain and just pay me back now?

And who knows, it might come to that. My next step is to appeal to Vancity for succor.

Because even though that have told me many times that they don’t “administer” the card, their name is all over it, and it’s their name being associated with a shady cardholder company that makes things easier for criminals with their insane policies, so I am holding them accountable.

I mean, they’re a credit union. They’re suppose to be cool.

Once I get my check next Wednesday, I will be looking for a new reloadable VISA. One that takes crime more seriously.

If it wasn’t for this crazy era we live in, I would just go back to doing everything in cash. But a lot of things can’t be done via cash now.

And I like being able to buy stuff online, dammit.

Now I am going to go burn off some anger by killing shit in Skyrim.

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On being hard

Not, not like that.

I’ve always been a soft, squishy sort of person. One without sharp edges, pointy corners, or stiff ridges.

And that suits me. I like being soft and comfy like an old couch. I want to welcome people in and make them comfortable. I like being soft.

And being an amorphous blob that changes form to fit the situation appeals to me too. One of my biggest fears is to get locked into one shape and thus deprived of the shapeshifter’s main form of defense : adaptability.

So there’s definite benefits to being shapeless.

But it also makes you kind of useless on your own.

Without hard surfaces and deep structure, you are far weaker than more fully committed organisms. All that flabby softness might cushion you from the shocks and bumps of life but it also makes those things more likely to happen because of your lacking the strength to take command of events and pursue fixed outcomes.

Sure, you can adapt to any situation. But without strength, the best that you can hope for is to be the key for this particular lock, or maybe just blend in with the background.

You certainly can’t expect to be in control of your life. Sure, you can adapt to situations, but what controls the situations you have to adapt to?

Random circumstance with a sprinkling of self-destruction, I guess.

You are a body without a skeleton. A house without a foundation. A knife far too soft to hold an edge.

The only solution is to harden up. To accept that some permanent, committed, fixed structure is needed in order for all that shapeshifting to mean anything. Toon some levels let yourself become a harder and more calloused person.

I’ve always resisted that. Even in moments when I knew I should be stiffening up, I denied it. Instead, I did what all us chameleons do when fact with the predator of hard inflexible reality – shed my skin to get away and run like hell.

Enough. I now accept that in order to get better, I will have to become a harder man. Less flexible, less sensitive, less squishy, less weak. Stronger, tougher, more durable, more resistant to the world’s bullshit, more able to choose my fate.

But it’s so painful to do. Every instinct I have cries out against it and wants to instantly tear apart any structure that I build within myself in order to maximize adaptability in order to be “safe”.

“Safe”… and miserable. There comes a point where you have to ask yourself, “could whatever potential consequences I fear really be worse than THIS?.”

Nope. Scarier, perhaps,. because it’s unknown. But worse? Meh.

Hardness is needed. You can’t be goo forever. Sooner or later, you are going to have to stop fighting it and become a goddamned butterfly already.

Yes, it’s limiting. But it’s also empowering. And you can’t get anywhere in life without embracing your own power and the responsibility that comes with it.

Pick a root form, shapeshifter.

It’s time to spread your wings and fly.

I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow,.