I’ve felt quite unpleasantly odd since I got up 10 minutes ago.
I feel cold and anxious and paranoid. There’s this deep seated uneasiness and a queer sort of dizziness sitting on my ribcage and making me feel ill. And vague but pervasive feeling of alienation and disconnection.
It’s most unsettling and I really wish it would go the hell away. It’s Sunday night and we will be heading out for shopping and Denny’s in 2.5 hours or so and I don’t need this haunted house feeling ruining my fun.
In fact, on other nights, I might (reluctantly) consider staying home, but tonight that is just plain not an option because my secured Mastercard only has $15.40 left on it soI kind of need to buy a new one.
My lifestyle hinges upon having one. I’m so modern.
I suppose in theory I could get Joe and/or Julian to get one for me. They’re anonymous, after all, so it’s not like I need to be there to present ID or whatever.
But I would still miss out on Denny’s, and that is unacceptable. So unless I get a lot worse in the next couple of hours, I will head out like planned, and to hell with anything else, god damn it.
I’m sick of always wilting in the wind. Collapsing at the first push. I’m going to stand against a sea of troubles and by opposing, end them!
Time for this pushover to push back, and let the other guy tumble for a change.
Aw, who am I kidding. People, I can fight. Give me clear opposition and I’ll mop the floor with them then wring them out into a mud puddle.
It’s the nothingness that kicks my ass.
Funny idea : scientifically accurate porn.
She : Oh yeah baby, dilate my vulva with your erect phallus!
He : Indeed I shall, for the rhythmic pulsing of your vaginal walls confirms that you are highly desirous of my repeatedly inserting and withdrawing it in an even paced alternating pattern which slowly increases in tempo!
She : Yes! Yes! Reinsert repeatedly and in an uninhibited fashion to make my womb spasm while you ejaculate!
I’m actually both nauseated and turned on now.
This might be a thing.
Hmmm. My nose is running. And I’ve already taken my antihistamine for today, ergo, it ain’t the usual sinus bullshit. And that’s a bad sign.
Got damn it, I don’t wanna stay in. This is the one night a week I actually get to go out and have fun. This death plague can wait a night, can’t it?
Goddamn it, it just ain’t fair.
Been having fun in Oblivion. While also being frustrated, natch.
One of the quest mods I have going right now (long story) keeps having these puzzles of a type with which I have little facility, where you have to sift through dozens of clues to find the subtle pattern leading to the answer.
Man, fuck that noise. I know when I’m beat. So I just look up the damned answer.
The last one, the clue was this note about running down this street, turning right here, and so on through a long list of steps.
Gave up and looked it up. Turned out to lead to a spot in the same room where I found the god damned note.
How the fuck was I supposed to figure that out?
I just don’t have the riddle-solving gene. I have neither the temperament no the right sort of brain for it.
Thank Dog for walkthroughs.
More after the break.
There and back
Well, I have been to Denny’s and back, and so far, no pneumonia.
Knock on wood.
Feel somewhat better than I did earlier. I still feel pretty dizzy but that creepy cold feeling has faded to a background level and my nose continues to run,.
Hmmm. I wonder if the runny nose and dizziness are related. A stuffed up nose can mess with your inner ear, after all.
Anyhow, point is, made it, and hopefully without long term consequence.
Tomorrow I am going to call Doctor Chao’s office. He’s my GP and I need to talk to him about this back pain I am experiencing.
I’ve had SOME back pain since puberty, more or less. Nature did not write the specs for the human body with being either this tall (6’1″) or this fat (280 pounds) in mind and that spells back aches unless you’re in good shape.
I am not in good shape. Unless “blob” is a shape
But lately my back pain has gotten a lot worse. It’s not just the usual tension and dull pain in the small of my back any more.
Now it’s sharp pains whenever my back flexes any significant amount. Pains acute enough to make me spontaneously cry out, which is rare for me.
I mean, I am not stoic, at least not consciously.
But I am rather shy and suppressed so I tend to suffer in silence.
And these pains have me worried. I don’t know what changed but it can’t be good, and I most def do not want it getting any worse because if it does, I wont even be able to get out of bed any more.
It’s already getting pretty tricky.
Because it’s not predictable. The pain comes whenever one muscle or bone would normally slip over another or shift, and that can happen any time I move.
At first it was just when my vertebrae flexed, but now it can be anywhere on my back.
So yeah. Gonna get that looked at. This is not something nebulous that is easy to ignore like high blood sugar or sleep apnea.
This is acute pain while doing ordinary things and that demands attention.
As you can no doubt tell, I am trying to talk myself into it.
Here’s hoping it works.
I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.