Really? But it was Thursday like a week ago!
Did the Therapy Thursday thang. Like the pair of old dudes we are, we spent half the session talking about medical stuff.
Ya know, my cardio issues, my trying to hook myself up with a working glucometer, and so forth and so on.
In the course of that, he told me about a place in town called Garrett Wellness Center where they specialize in helping people with serious medical conditions find ways to exercise that are safe for them and will help them get better.
That sounds fantastic to me. I want some way to get moving that doesn’t risk my fragile health. Not only do I want to be able to actively contribute to my own rehabilitation, but I also want some way to burn off all this nervous energy that I accumulate due to all the mental stimulation I consume.
I know for a rock solid fact that I am a much calmer, less anxious, and overall happier person when I can discharge that overload. That was one of the big lessons I took away from my Million Word Project.
To refresh your memories, the year was 2011 and I wanted to kick start myself into developing my writing abilities, which were entirely latent at the time.
So I came up with the positively bonkers plan to write a million words in a year. A little quick calculator work showed that this meant writing around 2,739 words a day for a year, and this, to me, seemed doable.
You’ll recognize that as a bit less than triple my current output.
And you know what? Those times after I had done my words for the day were some of the happiest times I can remember in my adult life. Gone was all that tension and anxiety and I felt relaxed, confident, and ready for anything.
And as it turned out, I finished my million words in early December, a month early.
That’s when I moved to doing 1K words a day instead. But looking back, I kind wish I had just kept going.
Try convincing my depression to go back to that now, though. Damn it.
Still, I hop to find a new “thing” to burn up my excess electricity one way. A safe form of exercise would fit the bill. So would a new crazy creative project like the Million Words to inspire me with its sheer lunacy.
I’ve pondered trying “enter one writing contest a day” but so far I have lacked the guts to pull the trigger on it.
The forces of “never do anything” inside me, that aberration of the parasympathetic nervous system that has me locked forever in “freeze” mode (as in fight, flight, or freeze), are still too strong.
I need to wrestle that bullshit into place instead of letting it run (and ruin) my entire fucking life before I will be able to summon up the wherewithal to embark on another crazy project like that.
More after the break.
That sleep thing
Slept when I should have been eating and blogging again. Ergo I am here doing so at frigging 10:30 PM when I will be eating again at midight.
Might have to delay my debut in the living room to watch stuff with Joe and Julian till 1 am instead of the usual midnight to space the meals out a bit more.
Meanwhile, I am brain fried from intense sleep and honestly kind of want to just go right back to bed.
But kind of don’t want to go back to bed too, because sleep just fucked me up and I am a tiny bit afraid of it now.
So it goes.
Writing is an uphill battle when I am like this. My sautéed cerebellum really does not want to focus on the screen and come up with words and such, and therefore I am doing the all too familiar dance of having to shepherd my errant sheep of a mind back to the task at hand over and over again.
It’s rather annoying.
In other news, bought Cyberpunk 2077 but I might have to return it because it freezes on a black screen whenever it tries to load a save game.
The music keeps playing, though, which is cool because the sound track is quite good. Lots of dark, moody synths, very appropriate for a cyberpunk setting.
But I didn’t pay around $35 to listen to music, dammit.
I have found potential solutions to my problem online and I will try them out. But I will do so as quickly as possible because I am already over the 2 hour limit for returns.
Stupid excessively long intro!
I hope I don’t have to return it. I haven’t even really gotten to play yet, I’ve just made it through the damned intro.
I want to be let loose to seek my fortune in Night City, the game’s setting. Lots and lots of neon, of course, plus futuristic cars driving about.
So far, so good.
No Man’s Sky continues to be kind of slow. But better since I more or less gave myself permission to just wander around and see what I can find.
I mean, I am supposed to be finding copper to mine, and I do keep looking for it, but I also just wander hither and yon while looking for it.
Make the game a lot more exciting and a lot less frustrating. So what if I can’t find the fucking copper? I’ve found ancient alien monuments, a crashed space cruiser, blueprintsw for upgrades to my gear, and so much more.
The copper is probably way back where I landed on the planet. I was just, as usual, looking in the wrong direction.
By now, I have wandered so far from my landing site that I have no clue where it was and no way to find out since I moved my ship.
It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Oh well, hope that’s not it, then. Hopefully I actually WILL stumble across some god damned copper so I can make whatever doodad the game wants next.
Wandering is fun and all, but I can only keep my need to make progress towards a defined goal at bay for so long.
And with that… so long, everyone!
I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.