Feeling a kind of punch drunk optimism right now.
Like I am a prizefighter who has taken a lot of punishment because he’s not been doing so good in this match but who is still determined to hang in there until he figures his opponent out and kicks their ass.
It’s a nice feeling, really. I like how it is positive but not delusional. It doesn’t pretty things are great, because they ain’t. And it doesn’t pretend things are going to be all right, because that is not how reality works.
It just says, “I am going to keep fighting no matter what. ”
And I can live with that.
It’s about time I harnessed my scrappy nature and made it a force for good as opposed to just being a force for getting me into arguments with strangers.
You think you can make me just lay down and die, depression? Well FUCK YOU. I am going to keep on fighting with everything I have, no matter how little that is.
And if I am destined to die like a mouse, I will die with a tuft of lion fur between my teeth and a defiant sneer on my face.
I might seem diffuse and timid and weak but I am actually more powerful than you can possibly understand and I am itching to rain my thunderbolts down on any enemy or obstacle that gets in my way.
After all, clouds are diffuse and insubstantial too, but mighty oaks are felled by lightning each and every day.
My darkness is not infinite. I will make it out of it one day. Probably the moment I no longer need it to hide in.
Until then, I will do what I can when I can in order to improve my life.
And the rest of the time I’ll just hang in there.
Got the graphics card from my friend Jaekob. So that little saga is over.
Now, to get it installed.
Which might be easier than I thought because the thing is enormous, way bigger than the usual PCI-style card for a PC, and that has me wondering if it might actually be in an external mount.
In which case I just have to plug it into power and plug it into a USB port on my PC and bingo bango bongo, I am in business.
In support of this concept is the fact that the cables in the little bundle of cables Jaekob send with the card are WAY too big and thick for something that is supposed to fit inside a PC case.
So it might be so simple that even I can “install” it.
It even comes with three case fans for cooling, which is impressive. If it needs that kind of cooling, it must be powerful indeed.
I find it kind of hard to imagine that high speed high def graphics can fit in the limited bandwidth of a USB connection, though, so it might be that it requires HDMI or the like and that will mean buying an adapter or somesuch.
Still, things are movin’ on.
More after the break.
Another late date
Yet another case of sleeping when I should be eating and blogging!
I am just sitting down to eat “supper” at 10:40 pm!
Admittedly, I would have eaten 40 minutes earlier if I hadn’t ordered in. Decided I needed me some Subway. I woke up at 9:10 pm and I could have jettisoned my plans to eat in and just had my regular kind of supper.
You know, nutritious enough, but also kind of sad.
But nope. I was determined to order in.
Then at around 10:20 pm Subway called and told me they were out of Diet Pepsi
Nope. I’ll have Pepsi Zero.
Nope, out of Pepsi Zero.
OK, then I’ll have apple juice.
Nope, out of apple juice.
And that’s why I am eating my turkey sub with the wholesome and energizing liquid sunshine that is orange juice.
Weird. But whatever.
They were also out of my beloved Miss Vicky’s Sea Salt and Malt Vinegar chips. But that was an easy fix, just give me my almost as beloved Harvest Cheddar Sun Chips.
I also got pressured into ordering two very naughty cookies by Skip the Dishes yelling at me that I was only $3 away from free delivery.
Now I am stuck with these cookies. I might eat the white chocolate and macadamia one but the chocolate chunk one is going to Joe.
I know my limits. If I ate that one, I’d feel terrible.
The other, I can more or less get away with in the short term. Probably.
One weird thing : I have no idea how long I slept tonight because I can’t remember when I went to sleep.
That’s a vital piece of information if I want to judge just how dumb it was for me to go to sleep when I did.
I think I fell asleep between 6 pm and 7 pm, which definitely justifies my being totally surprised when I woke up at 9:50 pm.
Learned today from Jaekob that my mega-powerful new graphics card that Jaekob sent me is not, as I had hoped, external.
I had hoped that because the thing is frigging HUGE. There is no way it will fit in my puny little computer case.
So at the very least I am going to have to get a new case, motherboard, and power supply. My HD is still fine, but my CPU may be built into the old motherboard and hence I will need a new one of THOSE, too.
So basically, if I want to use my powerful new GPU, I basically have to build a brand new computer around it.
This does not come as a surprise to me.
And I had been thinking it was time for a new computer anyhow. The one I am currently using to type this is vintage 2015, and eight years is mighty old in computer years.
So the next step is to shop for a good deal on a case, motherboard, and power supply. And it had better be a pretty robust power supply, because I get the feeling that my enormous new GPU is going to need a LOT of power.
Like, the kind that makes the lights flicker every time I reboot.
This is actually kind of exciting!
I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow,