I’m still playing Dragon Age : Inquisition.
I have started a second playthrough, this time as a mage.
Although I kind of wish I had gone for being a warrior instead. Being a mage is too much like being an archer, which is what my previous incarnation was.
And a preposition is something you should never end a sentence with.
If I was playing a warrior, I would have to adjust my play style quite radically because now I would need to get up close and personal with the enemies instead of staying away from them and picking them off from a distance.
Oh well. I’m a mage now. If I end up doing a third playthrough, I’ll be a warrior.
Assuming I even finish a second playthrough. Honestly, I am only playing DA:I whilst I look for another game to obsess on.
I’ve made a few stabs at it so far. Tales of Vesperia is OK for an RPG I bought completely on impulse because what the hell, it has a good Metacritic score and I haven’t played a JRPG[1] in a very long time.
And it seems to be very well made and well thought out and well written, and the plot is interesting, and I like the protagonist because he has a lazy, smartass attitude.
But it’s just too damned slow for me. Plus I hate the combat system. It’s this weird, clunky half-assed hybrid because a fighting game (like Mortal Kombat) and a more traditional turn based RPG.
And I really don’t like it. And that why I don’t play it much at all. I really wish it had the traditional menu-based combat system that games like Final Fantasy and Dragon Quest use instead of this bizarre hybrid.
And not the good kinda hybrid. The kind that looks at you with eyes filled with sadness and pain and says, “Kill me!”.
I also recently picked up a game called Fell Seal : Arbiter’s Mark. It’s a turn-based strategy fantasy RPG in the style of Final Fantasy Tactics, a game I played quite a bit via Gameboy emulation.
And I am enjoying it. There’s always a bit a learning curve with games like it, especially for me, because I haven’t done that kind of turn based tactics in a loooong time.
But I am catching on. Luckily the system is fairly forgiving, at least at first.
This old brain of mine does not like having to re-learn how to play that kind of game, though, and is groaning in protest all the way.
OK, now where was I? Oh right, sleep.
The interesting thing is that I got so deep into playing Dragon Age : Inquisition that I completely lost track of time, and by the time I came up for air, it was 3:30 PM and way too late for me to take a nap before transitioning to blog mode at 4 pm.
And you know what? I’m fine. I’m not sleepy or tired at all. Turns out that being really into what I am doing is better than caffeine for keeping me awake and “up”.
So now is when I tell myself : Hey you! You don’t need all these god damned naps. Just do things you find absorbing and let those soak up all that excess mental energy you generate and you won’t “need” those naps at all.
It’s better if I stay alert and engaged with reality as much as possible. This dreamlike life of mine is killing me. I need to make my attachment to reality and the world of the senses far more solid and substantial if I am to fight my way to sanity.
And I will. Just watch me.
More after the break.
The golden road
Don’t worry, this isn’t about pee.
No, it’s about optimism, I suppose, and faith in oneself and one’s ability to handle whatever comes your way.
See, Littlest Hobo was mentioned, and that got me singing the theme song, and that got me thinking about the whole idea of wandering the world and seeing what you can find.
Because, presumably, of early childhood trauma. I have never been a wanderer or an explorer. When I tried something like that, my anxiety from all the novel sensations and unfamiliar territory would overwhelm me and I would hightail it back to the known.
And I am still that way. I never even explored the neighborhoods I lived in. I knew how to get home and I knew how to go other places but I had no idea what was around me.
I just was not interested. And that has not changed. As long as I know how to get where I need to go and how to get home again, I don’t give a shit where I am.
For a shut-in like me, one room with my bed, computer, and Wi-Fi in it is more or less the same as another.
And that is brutally sad. And wrong. And unhealthy. Everyone needs a firm ground in the real world, the world of the senses. Even inveterate dreamers like myself.
And the thing is, a deep part of me wants to explore. I have a great wanderlust within me that craves new sights, new experiences, and new people.
But I have always been too anxious and too “practical” to do anything about it.
I worry too much about how I will survive to ever go wandering through Europe or whatever. I am absolutely not capable of simply calling it an adventure and assuming that I will be able to handle whatever comes up.
But I wish I was. I think untethered world travel would be really good for me precisely because it would force me to deal with a lot of new situations and thus build my faith in my own ability to handle things.
And that’s a very important attribute. Without it, all I can do is try to minimize risk ahead of time, and control things that way.
And that leads to a very circumscribed life. When you life your life strictly according to the dictates of your anxiety, you end up an urban hermit like me who would only leave the apartment once a week, for Denny’s, if it wasn’t for Wound Care.
This is why I have had so little in the way of life experiences too. What can I possibly experience when I am practically strapped to this computer chair by my fears? This bedroom of mine may as well be a prison cell.
I am trapped in here, and there is only one way out.
I have to change.
And by God, I am ready.
I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.
[[1] Japanese-style Role Playing Game. – Ed. [[1]]