…is pretty weird.
This mostly has to do with socks.
See, after wearing a pair of socks for approximately eight hours, the right sock starts falling off of my foot. It just slides right off. I am always having to either pull it up, or worse, go looking for the damned thing.
Sometimes, I get so frustrated from the search that I just put on any random sock I happen to come across.
This is slightly offensive to my sense of order, but fuck it.
And I honestly don’t know what my foot is doing to cause this to happen. I can only surmise that it somehow changes shape due to swelling of some sort.
But you’d think that would make the sock tighter, not looser.
So maybe it’s something that my foot is doing to the sock while I am wearing it. Stretching it out in some way that it can’t instantly snap back from.
But how? Like, what de fuck, man. What is one foot doing to the sock that the other one does not and why is there a difference?
What the fuck is wrong with my right foot?
I have no idea. It’s possible that my foot changes shape somewhat during the day due to diabetes complications. Lord knows my feet are not anyone’s idea of healthy.
Hence my having to go get the bandages on them changed twice a week.
One last datum : whatever my foot does to the sock, it recovers from it when it is washed. And that’s also strange because you’d think that something that changes the relationship between my foot and its sock to such an extent that the sock literally just slides off at the slightest provocation would leave a lasting mark.
But nope. Either the foot changes back or the sock changes back or both.
My feet are so weird.
Feeling kinda tired and worn out today. Makes it hard to even imagine doing anything but the usual burning through my remaining time on Earth playing video games and blogging to you fine people.
I have come to one conclusion, though : my entire approach to getting out of this hole is wrong. I put way too much pressure on myself and then crumble and flee.
Like, take those two sites, FlexJobs (remote work) and Notd (people can subscribe to your writing) , that I have mentioned before. The main reason I haven’t done anything with those two sites is that I have laden them down with portent in my mind as the big thing that could change my life forever.
For the better, mind you. But that’s still scarier than most fuck.
Once more, I return to the idea of treating life like a game and sites like FlexJobs and Notd as merely toys with which to amuse myself.
After all, life is stupid and nothing means anything. So I’m just gonna fuck around and enjoy myself any way I can get away with.
Taking things seriously is positively toxic to actually doing those things. All this neurotic baggage immediately attaches to it and I instinctively flee this high pressure situation and hide in my distractions, waiting for it to go away.
It never goes away.
So fuck all that bullshit. I’m too cool to be dragged down like that. I don’t have to make a big deal about things in order to get things done.
In fact, the opposite is true : making a big deal about them kills them.
I know it’s not going to be easy to implement this new attitude. But the basic components are already there in my personality. It’s just a matter of bringing them to the forefront and letting them take charge.
So what if I’m laughing cynically at the world as I try to conquer it?
Everything is stupid and nothing matters.
So do whatever works.
More after the break.
Well that sucked
I knew I was in trouble the second I stood up.
That’s when it hit me : pain and weakness throughout my body and my heart beating hard and fast (and loud, at least to me) and I had a trip to the door and back to do.
The whole reason I stood up was to go get my Donair Dude order from the apartment’s front door. Normally this is not a problem for me.
I can’t really afford the food at all, but what the hell, I will manage somehow. And this is a mighty tasty mega-donair.
Anyhow, I managed to stagger back from the door to the kitchen and set down the food, and then I faced a quandry.
I was feeling rather woozy and my muscle pain was clawing at my sanity and I kind of felt like I was going to pass out.
Which would be bad as I am all alone here in the apartment.
I should get one of those medic alert button thingies.
Normally, what I would do when I get my neato Donair Dude 2-for-1 is stop in the kitchen to put one of the orders in the fridge before taking the other one to my bedroom for the usual eat n’ blog.
And I had originally planned to do that this time too. But after hesitating at the edge of the kitchen for some very long seconds, I realized that there was no way I could make it through the steps of separating the two orders and sticking one in the fridge and still have a decent chance of making it back to my room.
And that’s when I did something clever. I noticed that my order came in two bags (one for the donairs, one for the drinks) that had been stapled together at the top. So for the return trip to my bedroom, I draped the stapled section over the side of the walker, creating a saddlebags kind of effect, and voila, I did not have to carry my order.
It’s little things like that which remind me that I really am clever, as befits a fox.
The trip back was still touch and go, though.
Oh, and I figure the problem was, you guessed it, dehydration. The moment I started drinking my 591 ml Diet Pepsi, I felt a whole lot better.
That makes me wish that I had status bars like in a video game where I could just glance at them and know I was dangerously low on hydration.
Presumably, I would also hear and see some kind of flashing alert message.
On a more practical level, I am going to try to keep some water in a glass on my night stand so that the minute I wake up, I can start replacing whatever water I sweated out while I was asleep.
Because this shizz be cray-cray, y’all.
I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.