Wow, here I am just beginning to blog and it’s 8:24 PM!

What a slacker I am.

I usually start blogging will lunch, which lately has been around 2 pm.

it used to be 1 pm but there’s been some slippage.

The problem with lunch at 2 pm is that is generally around when I am l officially waking up for the day^[1], and as patient readers know I usually feel terrible at the time, and the last thing I want to do is blog.

Me make words now? No. Me eat foods. And watch Youtube.

Normally, I just work through that reluctance, and by the time I have some food and some Diet Coke in me and I have gotten the words flowing, I am up and running and I can at least make some kind of sense.

But if you’ve ever wondered why the first half of my day’s blogging tends to be a lot darker and more negative than the second half, now ya know.

Finished a simply massive mod called, for no particular reason, Maids II : Deception. 

Too massive, to be honest. I know a mod is too big when plot exhaustion sets in and I switch from being eager to see what happens next to just wanting the fucking thing to be over already.

And when I reached that point, there was still at least ten hours of gameplay left. Oy.

So I am glad it’s over. The ending was maddeningly vague and grandiose. Oh, it was all very impressive sounding, but there was really no substance to it and so it all came across as the words of a fortune teller madly improvising a future for you and hoping the spooky words cover the fact that she has no idea WTF she is doing.

But one good thing about plot exhaustion is by then I just don’t care. Is it finally over now? Good. Now I can go back to how the game normally works!

And besides, I am almost never happy with endings anyhow. My extremely finely tuned sense of plot structure and theme demands a far weightier and more conclusive ending than most writers are capable of generating, myself included.

Anyhow, the fucking thing is over. Now I can execute my plan to start over without actually starting over.

I can do this because one of my mods lets me return to the character creation menu and change whatever I like, including name and species, and that in general is what I get out of starting a new character, so it’s worth giving it a go.

There’s still the nagging issue of it not actually being a fresh start, though, so I don’t know if changing name and species will be enough.

I mean, I would hate to lose the 800+ exhibits in my Legacy of the Dragonborn museum as well as my maxed out Magic schools (4 out of 7 of them) and all my spells and gear and such, but on the other hand, the need for renewal is strong.

I need to shake things up and start over now and then, or I get bored and dissolute.

So we will see. I might end up starting over even though I don’t “need” to.

I move in mysterious ways.

My depressing appears to be clearing up. I feel a lot better today than I have lately. More awake, more alive, more cheerful.

I think I just need to vomit up all my darkness from time to time. ^[2] And the further I go into recovery, the bigger and longer those periods of emotional emesis will be.

And I am not out of the woods yet. I still feel that deep dark nausea and there may will be more voiding of toxins in the near future.

But I feel I am over the worst of it. The stone is more than halfway passed. I feel emotionally warmer and more alive than all of last week, and so I hopefully have a better week ahead of me than behind.

After all, I have Trump’s marvelous meltdown to savour and enjoy. I was a little worried when he replaced all the top military officials with his own people – how very Fascist 101 of him – but then I realized that was the civilian brass he replaced, and the real Armed Forces hate Trump’s guts and will never support his regime.

So let him have his little fetish parade of fake fascism, I look forward to the day when he orders the troops to occupy America and they tell him “Fuck no, SIR. ”

Other than that, hsi extended tantrum is quite amusing,. Less so is the fact that his Republican cronies are still supporting him because they are still scared of antagonizing his supporter base and incurring his wrath.

Why? Because he could still buttrape THEIR careers. sad to say.

Still, that may not last. Some of the brighter ones may well realize that Trump is increasingly impotent and that it might just be time to jump that sinking ship like a smart rat and start positioning themselves for a post-Trump world.

The secret is time. Right now, still being on Team Trump doesn’t seem like it will cost them much. But as Trump continues to cry like the baby he’s always been and loses every single one of the lawsuits he will file because of lack of evidence, he will lose both hard and soft power and be reduced to just another flailing infant of right wing rage.

And honestly, not a very good one at that.

Myself, I hope Fox gives him his own reality show where he has 24/7 360′ surveillance like on Big Brother and he can rant and cry and pout whenever he feels the urge and thus can humiliate himself to the maximum possible degree.

Hell, give him his own streaming service.

I’d pay $11.99 a month for that, wouldn’t you?

I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.