Took on too much when getting my lunch together just now.
Won’t bore you with the details. Suffice it to say that I got so much going that I was in frigging agony way before it was done, and so my life once more became an impromptu urban melodrama as I fought to get my food ready and get back to the computer with it before I completely collapsed.
I made it, knock on metaphorical wood. But this is the kind of shit that makes you miss being bored, ya know what I mean?
In other news, the new chair is assembled and installed thanks to Joe and Julian. Love you so much, you two! You do so much for me.
And so far it is quite sturdy and comfy. The all-important lumbar support is taking a little getting used to – sort of feels like someone always has their hand on my back.
But in the best possible way, giving me support exactly where I need it. Woo-hoo!
Overall, I think there will be a transition period as my body gets used to the new chair. I’ve already had a few odd pains and cramps from it.
Makes sense. After all, the previous one lasted twenty years. That’s a lot of time for me to get used to it and vice versa.
And while it was more of a torture device than anything else at the end and I am royally glad to see it go, I do appreciate all the years the previous chair supported me.
It’s like the end of a relationship. Sure, things were bad there at the end, but let’s not forget there were far more good years than bad.
Goodbye, old chair. We went through a lot together.
But now it’s time to move on!
Had a bad spell earlier today. Felt very agitated and tense and irritable. That old “ready to jump out of my own skin” feeling I get from time to time. Most unpleasant.
Ironically, I learned that the cure for that is exercise just in time for me to be too sick to exercise. Ha ha ha.
But I managed to do a little bit of low-impact stuff and that was enough to let me get a few hours of sleep at least.
My life is so exciting.
Tomorrow, I will have Wound Care at 8:45 am, and then I can get my X-rays after that.
Assuming I am not too tired by the Wound Care thing to do it. I might well be, in which case Julian and I will just have to make a separate trip.
But it has to be done ASAP. No letting it fall by the wayside like I have with that pee test I still have not done.
I am trying to save my freaking legs here. I do not want to end up in a wheelchair, or using one of those scooters.
Lord save me from being yet another fat dude on a scooter.
Because everybody knows why you’re on that thing.
Because you got too fat to walk.
More after the break.
A pleasant night out…..?
I love our weekly trip to Denny’s.
As I keep saying, it’s the highlight of my week. Especially now that I do my grocery shipping online every Sunday.
That makes the Denny’s On Sunday ritual the only non-medical trip I take each week.
Which is kind of sad.
But what is truly, tragically sad is that my health issues are encroaching on it, too.
The day of my officially becoming physically handicapped draws ever closer. Now, even just the tiny amount of standing I have to do to get to between the apartment and the car or the car and Denny’s or the car and Wound Care damn near kills me.
I am sitting here sweaty and panting and in pain in many places like I was just on a death march and all I did was go from the car to my computer here.
As recently as a couple of months ago, I would have considered that a negligible amount of effort and pain, but now I can barely make it.
How long before that’s no longer true? Till I can’t even make it that far? Could be tomorrow. Could be a month from now. But it’s going to be soon.
If these shadows remain unchanged, I do not see myself walking on Labour Day.
I really, really do not want to go there. I don’t want to be a cripple. I don’t want to be a huge hassle for myself and everyone near me. I don’t want to have to deal with all the complications inherent in the use of whatever mobility device I end up using. I don’t want to have my life options severely curtailed by a serious disability.
And I especially do not want to feel trapped in a chair or chained to a walker or otherwise unable to do much without some artificial exoskeleton propping me up.
So I really hope those X-rays reveal something the doctors can use to make me well again. I really don’t want things to get worse. My life is depressing enough without being an invalid who can’t even get to the kitchen and back any more.
I have done things myself for my entire life. Out of necessity, of course, because there was nobody else to do them for me. But still.
Having to rely on others to do simple things for myself would drive me buggy. I have extremely little experience in relying on others for anything and the prospect does not exactly appeal to me.
I need autonomy, dammit. Freedom. Space to breathe. I need to be free to do as I please and to a certain extent make things up as I go.
What is inside of me is constantly changing and I have to be free to change with it.
That’s the only form of stability I know.
And if I am forced to rely on others, it is guaranteed to bring out my bossy, demanding, cranky side and nobody wants THAT.
So for the sake of everyone, please let me save my autonomy.
I promise I’ll be good!
I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.