So I decided to, at long last, set my monthly cheque to direct deposit.
That way, I don’t have to make a trip to the bank to cash it once a month. It just goes directly into my bank account. Simple.
And I have no doubt that this will be a huge gain in convenience…. eventually.
But right now it’s a huge hassle because I have to learn a bunch of new ways to do things now that I don’t have as much cash to spend.
But I am hot on the trail of a way to make this shit way easier, namely by finding a way I can spend my moolah online with it coming directly from my bank account.
So far, it looks like there is a way to use Interac online, but not a lot of places support it, especially those not in Canada (for obvious reasons).
However, Google Pay DOES support Interac, so I might end up signing up for it.
As annoying as this all is, it does feel good to be doing something purposeful.
Just got off the phone with the CT department at RGH.
Doctor Chao did NOT forget to submit my req.
They just have REALLY long wait times. As in, at least a month to six weeks.
That will not do. My condition is getting worse by the day.
So I am going to have to discuss alternatives with Doctor Chao.
Except that nobody is answering the phone in his office. Fuckers.
Nothing is ever simple and you never catch a break. Dammit.
Even making an appointment to chat with Doc Chao on the phone came with a complication, because the first time I was given was between 11 am and 12 am on Monday, and I have Wound Care at 11:45 am.
So I had to call back to reschedule. Now it’s between 2 pm and 3 pm.
This shit is starting to feel personal.
And that makes me MAD.
The other major complication, of course, is how I pay Joe the rent every month.
My first thought was Venmo. That seems to be how people do that sort of thing these days. I could just Venmo him the cash.
But I am old, and frail, and timid, and Venmo frightens me.
So I’ll l check out other options, like the Google Pay + Interact Online mentioned above.
UPDATE : Nope, doesn’t look like that’s gonna work. Apparently, only some bank type places support Google Play, and my bank, Vancity, ain’t one of them.
How irritating. But I will prevail!
My original thought was to use PayPal.
Remember them? That brings back memories.
Anyhow, as far as I knew, letting you use whatever form of payment wherever was kind of their thing.
So I went to sign in for the first time since the dawn of humanity.
Nope! Password does not work. Neither does the other password I have in my notes.
No problem! Click “forgot password”!
Nope! It errors out. And it has done so for the last three days.
So apparently nobody can get their PayPal password back at all and everyone involved is fine with that.
Probably because nobody even uses the damned thing any more.
Maybe I will try logging in with Internet Edge, see if it’s a browser thing.
But for now, I am taking a well earned time out.
More after the break.
The daily grind
Another meal, another torturous travail to and from the kitchen.
Man I miss when my legs worked properly. Seems so long ago now.
Got some interesting thoughts from this TED talk :
The big one for me was where she explains how when we are traumatized, our brain is disconnected from our hearts and that’s why we can’t find comfort in our logical minds.
Tell it, sister. I have been saying something similar for years, though without the whole heart/brain disconnect thing.
I know that logic cannot solve emotional problems. It can try and it can even fool you into thinking it is making progress, but any real progress comes from our emtions.
It is emotional labour, not the logical mind’s fancy magic tricks, which can fix what is broken in me and make me whole again.
But like I said in the comments to that video, that side of me is tragically underdeveloped. I have hidden from everything in the secret theme park of my mind for so long that I can’t even remember what being comfortable with reality is like.
Like I said in the comments, I can’t even feed myself, emotionally speaking.
And I don’t know where to go from here. Perhaps I am still trying to solve things too rationally, I don’t know.
But it’s all I know. Thinking. Figuring things out. Formulating theories. Cogitation and computation. The machinations of my terrifyingly efficient solution engine.
A lot of people are scared of their own minds….. right?
And for good reason, for that machine of mind pursues truth without mercy. It has absolutely no sympathy for any kind of human concern. I have, without meaning to, given it carte blanche to seek the truth like a heat seeking missile and whatever gets in its way is annihilated.
Including any tender bits of myself that are in the wrong place at the wrong time.
So no wonder I am scared of it. It has hurt me thousands of times, and not even let me register the hurt consciously because it’s all in the name of the almighty Truth.
And the Truth, or even just the truth, is not enough to live on. We need more. We need positive emotions and human connection and areas of our mind walled off from the depredations of our mendacious mentations.
Impressive turn of phrase, n’est-ce pas?
So I guess it’s time I start standing up to my brutal truth machine (BTM) and demanding that it leave some soft and fragile parts of me alone, god damn it.
It’s a daunting prospect because I have given the BTM free rein for so long that even the mere thought of resisting it seems bizarre and alien and new.
But let me say this now : I am perfectly fine with deluding myself if it makes me happier.
Turns out we all need a little self-serving bullshit just to survive in this hostile world.
And by God am I ready for some.
I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.